Too Self-Conscious at the Gym...

[Seshat]

By definition, the narcissists are going to be more likely to be staring in the mirror, watching their own muscles ripple....


Here's what most people at the gym are thinking:

God this is boring.
I wish they'd put something decent on the TV for a change.
I'm glad I brought <a good book/my tablet/my DVD player>.
3 more reps to go. I can do it. I can do it.
Must maintain form. C'mon corset muscles... we can do this...
If I run another quarter mile can I reward myself with a cheeseburger?
I wonder if everyone's looking at me? I've got such a muffin-top today.


Here's what the few who look at other people are thinking:

He's here often. Good for him.
Nice form. (meaning that the person held posture correctly while doing their exercise - not that they're sexy.)
Wow. Build like that and he can lift that weight? Must be wiry-but-tough.
Oops, she lost form on that lift. Must be getting tired.


And yes, there are critical assholes. Just like everywhere. I won't bother listing anything they're thinking; it's not worth a moment of your time.

[DaisyQueen]

Antisocial Worker, I totally hear you. I just joined a gym two months ago and have not lost any weight yet. (We're looking at my thyroid now). I still feel self-conscious that people are watching me struggle to figure out a machine but when I do glance around, I realize that no one is watching me. People are so tuned in to their own workout that they really don't pay attention to those around you.
I don't have an ipod yet so I watch tv or look around a bit. When I see larger people I think 'Good for them!' and try to pace myself with them. When I see more fit people I think "THAT'S what I want to look like!' and it keeps me going a few extra minutes.
I work out at 6:30 am as the morning group of people are generally older folks who are very friendly. It's also not nearly as crowded. Also at my gym we get one free session with a personal trainer. This is fantastic as not only do you get a personalized workout plan but the trainers generally know everyone there so you can get introduced to others. Of course I haven't gotten up the courage to have my session yet but I'll get there.
Please don't be self-conscious. Everyone is there for the same reason--to get and stay healthy.

[PepperElf]

This has me thinking of a Not Always Learning I read recently:
http://notalwayslearning.com/revenge-is-sweat/31281

what ultimately matters is if you are happy with your results and your effort.

[dalesys]

Besides, consider how sad the Sturdy Nurse will be to come home and find his butterball on the table, feet in the air, needing only the pleated paper anklets?

[iradney]

AW - if the "fit" people are looking and judging, that says more about them than it does about you, frankly. Everyone has to start somewhere.

This is a time and place where it's pretty acceptable to be all about you. Your form, your fitness, your strength. So what if you can only run a mile today? Keep it up, in 6 months you'll run 5 miles. And then 10. And so on.

[protege]

As for the narcissistic assholes that DO look at you like that? Fuck them. They're miserable, shallow motherfuckers. And in a few months, you'll be in great shape with better self-confidence and a better self-image. And they'll still be miserable, shallow motherfuckers.

^This. Some of those assholes are so full of themselves it's not even funny. I tend to tune out such people--I'll have my iPod, and usually read magazines while on the treadmills. My feeling is, that they don't exist. I go to the gym to work out...not to see what assholes think of me.

But, I'm sure it does take some of the jocks down a peg or two. I'm not ripped by *any* means...yet can handle more weight than they can

[blas]

When I was still going to the gym, I always got a kick out of the idiots who spent more time checking themselves out than working out. Of course, the athletic club I went to had mirrors surrounding the entire weight area. There was a certain type of male (and occasional female) who would just spend their entire work out with a weight or two, watching themselves. Makes you wonder how they ever got into such great shape, eh?

Granted, this gym had a movie theater, and I was always in there. It was pitch black, so no one could see how tired I was and I could power walk/run in peace on the treadmills so no one could see my tit tsunami I have going on when I run, even with two bras on.

[MystyGlyttyr]

Here's the way I've heard it.

Everyone is the spotlight of their own stage.

What that means is, to YOU, what you're doing matters more than what anyone else is doing. Everyone is absolutely sure that everyone is aware of them, because YOU'RE aware of yourself. But that's the truth for anyone. At the exact moment you're wondering why everyone else is staring at you, they're wondering why YOU are staring at THEM.

Fact of the matter is, everyone is just background extras in everyone else's life. I might be walking through Wal-Mart and just casually glance at a T-shirt some chick is wearing because I'm wondering what it says, and then I move on with my day and never think about her again, while she notices me glance at her and spends the rest of the day paralyzed thinking that I was criticizing her clothes/chest/whatever else, when the only thing I had was a passing thought of "Okay, I'm here to get some soy beans and a TV dinner. Huh, I like that shirt. I wonder if there's any cupcakes on the sale rack."

Don't worry about it, I promise that they aren't paying you nearly as much attention as you think they are.

[Jester]

What Jester said, minus the naughty words.

I write the way I speak, and I don't hold back when I speak.

But, I'm sure it does take some of the jocks down a peg or two. I'm not ripped by *any* means...yet can handle more weight than they can

True story:

Sophomore year of high school, when I was a really skinny 130 lb. dweebazoid (I'm now a 160 lb. dweebazoid), our gym class was going through its weight training rotation. One day, for the hell of it, the gym teacher decided to see who could max out on each machine. Naturally the jocks loved it. Naturally most of the rest of us didn't.

Until the leg press. (For those not familiar with the leg press, there are a couple versions I've seen, but the basic idea in all of its forms is that you're using your legs to push out (or up) on either a sled or pedals, which through pulleys lift the weights. (It's a machine, not free weights.) In short, you're using your legs to lift as much as you can with JUST your legs.

The jocks knew they'd destroy it on this one, as they had on most of the machines.

They were wrong.

And they were surprised and a bit upset, to be honest, when not one of their number was among the last two standing on the leg press. That honor belonged to a lithe and supple girl, who happened to be a dancer, and a skinny 130 lb. dweebazoid, who happened to be a cyclist. I can speak for the dancer, as this was a long time ago, but I can say that I maxed out on the leg press at 450 lbs....more than three times my weight. And far more than any of the jock straps could do.

Yeah, they were very not happy.

Here's the way I've heard it.

Everyone is the spotlight of their own stage.

What that means is, to YOU, what you're doing matters more than what anyone else is doing. Everyone is absolutely sure that everyone is aware of them, because YOU'RE aware of yourself. But that's the truth for anyone. At the exact moment you're wondering why everyone else is staring at you, they're wondering why YOU are staring at THEM.

This, this, and more of this!

It's like the person who won't dance, because they're worried about others laughing at them...not realizing that most of the others dancing really don't care.

[Antisocial_Worker]

It's like the person who won't dance, because they're worried about others laughing at them...not realizing that most of the others dancing really don't care.

I don't dance anymore because on more than one occasion, I actually have had perfect strangers come up to inform me of what a fool I was making of myself. But that is another topic for another thread.

It's experiences like that, that make me so self-conscious. I have fought my entire life for some shred of dignity, and I feel determined to protect what little I managed to rip out of the hands of the world at all costs. That's why I joined a 24-hour gym in the first place. I wanted to be able to go at a time when the rest of the world wouldn't be in there rippling their muscles like no tomorrow. The fact that I get this worked up over five or six other people (at the most) in there with me working out just speaks to exactly how low my self-esteem is and how out-of-control my self-consciousness has gotten.

[Seshat]

The ones who told you that about your dancing were assholes. Jester will doubtless have even stronger words for them.


Regarding general self-consciousness: you're never too young to wear purple, with a red hat.

Dignity is in what you do to make the world better, not in how you look, or how you relax, or how the assholes judge you. And you, my dear, are studying one of the most difficult ways to make the world better. And you are the emotional support of Sturdy Nurse, who also makes the world better in a very difficult way.

Both of you can hold your heads high, because you're both the emotional support of someone doing a difficult job, and because you're both making the world a better place for all of us.

[Tama]

Blas, would you be terribly offended if I said I laughed at your "tit tsunami" and "two bras" remark?

[blas]

Not at all. I myself was about choking on my Arby's when I thought of that.

I kind of gave up on going any faster than jogging after I was chased by a dog last fall. I think one boob went one way, and one about slapped me in the face, and damn if that giant heaping beast didn't get about one step away from biting me before his dumbass owner finally realized what was going on.

[Tama]

Good heavens. I mean, geez -- keep an eye on Fido! Not all Fidos are sweet and innocent....or maybe this guy was an idiot who thought Fido would never do something like that...

[AnaKhouri]

I too totally LOL'd at tit tsunami.

I'm sorry you feel so down on yourself, Antisocial_Worker. Honestly I had pretty low self-esteem when I was younger, but since I realized I am aging and will eventually die, I consciously decided to say 'fuck it, I'll do what I want and fuck the haters'. I'm so much happier than I was in my early 20s!

Also, the people who criticized your dancing were just jealous. Hey, at least you have fun dancing, but they're still miserable even while criticizing!