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Ooooooh boy do I have lots to tell you guys. I guess this isn't seeking much advice, aside from how to help someone deal with having to cut off someone in their family.
Okay, so a few months ago, Al's family DID end up moving back in. Fixing the Ford Explorer didn't work. My uncle took it and two (count 'em, FUCKING TWO!) master mechanics couldn't fix this goddamn thing! The usual began to happen. His sister and her husband quit their jobs after a week in, etc, etc.
So my uncle loaned us his truck and Al bribed a friend with pizza to move our grand total of about six or seven boxes of stuff, and we moved into our glorious new 3 br/2 ba trailer. (lol)
The Explorer continued to not be fixed so my uncle (praise Odin
) shelled out a little over $1000 to buy us a car. This isn't just free money--we're already going to pay him about $10k for the trailer, and he's adding this on to that, for not a lot per month, actually. Al has gotten super-proud of himself, he now has his own place and his own car in his name. My uncle even invited us over to his place one Sunday and we repaid him the $200ish we owed him for helping us title/etc the car. They listened to us complain about his mooching family and, like normal people, advised us to not pay a red cent, it's their own fault for failing basic adulting so badly by not having jobs, and by quitting the ones they did have after a week and a half...etc. So we will at least have SOME normal adults to speak to who know what it's like. (I like to joke that my uncle is Al in 20 years, plus or minus the diabetes.)
Now, I've always assumed Al's mom was an enabler. I've seen that a bunch of times.
But this takes the cake. This is beyond the cake. I never realized just how BAD his mother could get.
It started with her asking Al to pay some of their bills. We didn't have the money and he wasn't inclined to do it to begin with. Then it moved on to, "Can you pay these (almost $500 worth) bills on Friday when you get paid?"
He continued to say no.
Their water was shut off, then their electricity (I think both have since come back on due to their talking to the companies about there being an elder in the house on oxygen or something, I dunno).
Now, Al was thiiiiiiiiiiis close to paying the water bill, which was about $60. I've been agreeing with his decision not to pay the bills so I was a little upset he'd even consider this.
But then his mother sent him a picture. It was some email from the phone company--agreeing to make a payment on HIS PAYDAY.
That ended it. Right there.
Here's just a sample of what vitriol she has sent him so far:
$480 is not that small when your paycheck every 2 weeks is not even $1000.
Nope, but we're getting some soon.
One word. Safelink. Oh wait, you're addicted to your dataplan with its 5 phones and 3 tablets.
The Al she knew, and this is almost verbatim what he himself told me, would still be there. Would be only dating online because he didn't have the courage for anything else. Would still be in a dead-end temp job....etc.
And the grand finale came last night. Right after she said this, she said "Goodnight and remember I love you very much" (
):
Oh that's a low blow. She had demanded an answer as to why we can't help, and I asked what he wanted me to type, and he said "Just write 'I can't.'
When I asked if he was sure he responded with the title of this post.
I gave him a big hug.
We're going to be fine now. It'll be a bit tight finance-wise, but Al will come home to a quiet house every night without having to worry about a never-ending mess, and kids and his malevolent mother.
P.S. The funny thing is his sister has said nothing. I suspect it's because her husband is her new target, but she has not sent Al one iota of vitriol. No guilt trips, no yelling, no nothing. It's been ALL Al's mom.
Okay, so a few months ago, Al's family DID end up moving back in. Fixing the Ford Explorer didn't work. My uncle took it and two (count 'em, FUCKING TWO!) master mechanics couldn't fix this goddamn thing! The usual began to happen. His sister and her husband quit their jobs after a week in, etc, etc.
So my uncle loaned us his truck and Al bribed a friend with pizza to move our grand total of about six or seven boxes of stuff, and we moved into our glorious new 3 br/2 ba trailer. (lol)
The Explorer continued to not be fixed so my uncle (praise Odin
) shelled out a little over $1000 to buy us a car. This isn't just free money--we're already going to pay him about $10k for the trailer, and he's adding this on to that, for not a lot per month, actually. Al has gotten super-proud of himself, he now has his own place and his own car in his name. My uncle even invited us over to his place one Sunday and we repaid him the $200ish we owed him for helping us title/etc the car. They listened to us complain about his mooching family and, like normal people, advised us to not pay a red cent, it's their own fault for failing basic adulting so badly by not having jobs, and by quitting the ones they did have after a week and a half...etc. So we will at least have SOME normal adults to speak to who know what it's like. (I like to joke that my uncle is Al in 20 years, plus or minus the diabetes.)Now, I've always assumed Al's mom was an enabler. I've seen that a bunch of times.
But this takes the cake. This is beyond the cake. I never realized just how BAD his mother could get.
It started with her asking Al to pay some of their bills. We didn't have the money and he wasn't inclined to do it to begin with. Then it moved on to, "Can you pay these (almost $500 worth) bills on Friday when you get paid?"
He continued to say no.
Their water was shut off, then their electricity (I think both have since come back on due to their talking to the companies about there being an elder in the house on oxygen or something, I dunno).
Now, Al was thiiiiiiiiiiis close to paying the water bill, which was about $60. I've been agreeing with his decision not to pay the bills so I was a little upset he'd even consider this.
But then his mother sent him a picture. It was some email from the phone company--agreeing to make a payment on HIS PAYDAY.
That ended it. Right there.
Here's just a sample of what vitriol she has sent him so far:
Small price for us to let you alone
You have your own phones, don't you? That's why you don't care if we don't have any
You're going to let me (Your mother) go without a phone?
The Al I knew (my son) wouldn't do this.
And the grand finale came last night. Right after she said this, she said "Goodnight and remember I love you very much" (
):
When I'm dead it's too late
Oh that's a low blow. She had demanded an answer as to why we can't help, and I asked what he wanted me to type, and he said "Just write 'I can't.'
When I asked if he was sure he responded with the title of this post.
I gave him a big hug.
We're going to be fine now. It'll be a bit tight finance-wise, but Al will come home to a quiet house every night without having to worry about a never-ending mess, and kids and his malevolent mother.
P.S. The funny thing is his sister has said nothing. I suspect it's because her husband is her new target, but she has not sent Al one iota of vitriol. No guilt trips, no yelling, no nothing. It's been ALL Al's mom.
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