Advice needed in matter of the heart

[Jester]

Well, it turns out he's been sleeping with her on my bed.

Question: Does he have his own bed? Or is your bed the only one in the apartment? If he has his own bed, that is a complete slap in your face to fuck her on your bed. If it's the only bed in the apartment, it is still pretty much disrespectful.

They are not just dating. They are fucking.

Get your shit as soon as you can. Get it all out of his apartment. Then remove yourself from his life as well. Ditto for her. They deserve neither respect nor friendship from you. Frankly, they don't deserve common courtesy either, but I would employ that and be civil until you have gotten all your shit out of this dirtbag's place.

In short, again: fuck 'em both.

[Amina516]

They are not just dating. They are fucking.

Get your shit as soon as you can. Get it all out of his apartment. Then remove yourself from his life as well. Ditto for her. They deserve neither respect nor friendship from you. Frankly, they don't deserve common courtesy either, but I would employ that and be civil until you have gotten all your shit out of this dirtbag's place.

In short, again: fuck 'em both.

Ditto.

And again.....Fuck 'em BOTH!!

*to add: I know this is hurtful to you. PLEASE just keep your sanity, get them both out of your life and continue with school. You can get new friends and new lovers, they are not the only other 2 people in the world. As far as the bed....ugh. New mattress may be in order...

[Peppergirl]

Ditto.

*to add: I know this is hurtful to you. PLEASE just keep your sanity, get them both out of your life and continue with school. You can get new friends and new lovers, they are not the only other 2 people in the world. ..

Total WORD to this.

It's going to be really hard at first. Soul-shredding, even. It's been 9 months since I cut my ex-fiance' out of my life, and at first I felt like I was dying because (I thought) he was my best friend. And the hurt was palpable. But it gets better, I promise.

If you need to talk or just need to vent some more, feel free to PM me. I've been through something disturbingly similar to this, and can really feel what you're going through.

[Jester]

I second the "if you need to talk PM me" thang.

Also, depending on how all this goes down, you may find yourself rather angry at these two. Or hurt. I am not saying you WILL, because everyone is different. In any case, I do have an excellent therapeutic suggestion for this situation. Go to your local gym. (A lot of gyms will let you buy a day pass if you are not a member.) Go to the heavy bag. Mentally imbue that bag with either or both of these people. And start hitting. And hitting. And hitting. This is a safe and legal way for you to beat the shit out of them, at least symbolically. When my ex-fiance broke up with me, this is how I dealt with some of the hurt. (I wasn't mad at her, but at the situation.) One important tip--if you do do this, make sure you wear gloves or hand wraps, or your hands are going to be tenderized meat. I found that last part out the painful way.

[Ironclad Alibi]

What you need to do is take care of yourself. Always remember that "Living well is the best revenge." That thought helped me a lot when my first wife deserted me. Later, the quote below also proved to be very useful in dealing with people who wronged me.

[FenigDurak]

Jester, to answer your earlier question, yes he has his own bed. I moved in with him back in 07 after he bought a house near campus. My bed was put in the master bedroom because it's more comfortable and his was put in the guest room. I've since mentioned to him that I will no longer be taking that mattress with me to grad school and that I fully expect him to pitch in on buying a new one.

She's been putting messages on Facebook the last two days in some of our mutual friends' statuses that are worse than a slap in the face. It's a slap across the face with his *ahem* as it refers to their noctournal activities. She's pissed at me now because I called him and asked him to remind her that if she wants me out of the picture, she needs to give me the space to heal. -=sigh=-

Why is it that I'm the youngest party in all of this and yet I'm being the most mature?

Edit: I may take y'all up on the offers to talk. I'm doing my best to refrain from taking revenge, but it's really starting to move beyond just hurtful and into vindictive.

[Jester]

I am going to repeat something I said: get your shit out of his place, and then get yourself out of his life. If that means forgoing a new mattress with his help, so be it.

The fact that they shagged on your bed when he had his own is proof that they have zero respect for you. You should reciprocate.

Stop reading their facebook messages and statuses. Stop dealing with their shit. Move the fuck on, and get this behind you. The sooner the better.

[Peppergirl]

FD - I'm going to second what Jester said. Quit reading that shit! It makes it so much harder on you than just cutting the cord.

When I made the decision to shut my ex out of my life (and he didn't even do anything HALF as heinous as this), I blocked him on text, email and facebook. He resorted to having his mother send me cards in the US Mail and leaving notes on my car at work, which I ignored.

It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my 40 years on this earth, including my divorce - but it was the best decision I ever made. Trust me, you're NOT alone!!!

Please...you deserve SO much better than this. Cut the cord. I promise you it'll be worth it.

[Giggle Goose]

It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my 40 years on this earth, including my divorce - but it was the best decision I ever made. Trust me, you're NOT alone!!!

Please...you deserve SO much better than this. Cut the cord. I promise you it'll be worth it.

Oh how I feel you on that one! I've never been divorced, but I have been through a lot of shit in my life and cutting people out of it has been by far the hardest.

FD- I had to live with my ex for 4 months after we broke up because I was in school and couldn't afford to opt out of the lease. How I survived it I'll never know. Engaging in the whole "friends with benefits" thing only served to prolong the suffering. He at least had the respect to give me the bedroom and my bed to myself while he slept on the couch, though. I am in such shock that two people who could claim to be/have been close to you would do such things. To think you came thisclose to marrying someone like that gives me a huge sense of relief, even though you may not feel that for some time.

Two years later I'm with an amazing guy and have accomplished more than I thought possible. My only regret is that I couldn't see at the time that I was worth so much more than what I was settling for. You are, too. I was also close to finishing school when I broke up with my ex, and that motivation really helped to get me through it, so I'm glad you have a goal to keep you focused.

Have you considered moving somewhere else after you graduate? I know you said you were going to grad school. Not that you should have to rearrange your life on account of some immature assholes, but it might be a great way to get a fresh start and put all that shit behind you.

Sorry for rambling, but I hope that sharing my experience can help others, because I was a complete wreck at the time. I would also like to jump on the PM wagon if you need anything. Best of luck to you. You're stronger than you think.

[FenigDurak]

GG- I plan on moving to Tennessee whether I get in to Grad School or not. I don't like to think of running from my problems, but I like the idea of dealing with this for longer than I have to even less.

[Caffienated_Caramel]

I definitely agree with Jester and Peppergirl. Fuck em both! And its best to de-friend this girl too on your facebook page. Since its hurting you so much.

And on top of that with shagging her you YOUR bed instead of his. It appalls me to the point of fuming!

On top of that new mattress, get some new sheets (and if you can afford it a comforter)

If I could get away with it I wouldn't let them have your mattress. I would burn it to a crisp!