Having a bit of family trouble :/

[trailerparkmedic]

You are an adult. You're getting married soon! Your parents need to let go and let you make your own decisions.

Talk to your fiance and his father about moving in. Don't go in with preconcieved ideas (They'll think I'm a burden)--my fiance was afraid of meeting my family because his is manipulative and clingy. They all welcomed him with open arms and love him to pieces, because my family is like that. I imagine that if you're willing to work with them and help out around the house, you will be seen as more of a blessing than a burden.

If your parents give you trouble about things you are determined to do, remind them that you are grown up enough to be doing things like getting married and making huge financial decisions (like taking out student loans) and you have decided that this decision is in the best interest of yourself/you and fiance/etc.

[Exaspera]

You need to talk honestly with your fiance, as well. Get his take on everything. He'll know his family better than you and will help you get a different perspective.

And remember that he is marrying you because he loves you, not because he wants to take on additional burdens, silly! You are half of this couple too. And you obviously must have wonderful qualities that he appreciates or he wouldn't be marrying you.

[Der Cute]

I agree with most of everything said here.

1. If you're supremely unhappy at work, change it. Find another job. Find another job within company? Find something else. Period.

2. If your mom thinks she can tell you what to do about the wedding, tell her "Thank you, it's covered." "Thanks for your input." "We've got it covered." "Back off, bitch." (skip that last one if you want)

3. Your honey and you will soon be a single unit; he takes care of you, you take care of him. Why not sit down with him and chat bout getting out of your mom's house? "Honey, I'm going nuts at her place. I need some help from you on this issue. I don't want to strain you financially, but at the same time, I can't stay there much longer without going nuts."

Be honest with him - you need to have a good foundation for trust and love. Be firm and non-info-sharing with your mother - boundaries NOW before she gets the key to your front door, knows your PIN, comes in and rearranges your cupboards and cooks dinner for you.
(I'd go nuts if that happened btw)

Cutenoob

[bainsidhe]

I'm jumping in a bit late, but here's a question: What would happen if Mom kicked you out today? Where would you go? How would you survive over the next few days/weeks/months?

I'm not saying this to panic you or make you miserable, it's just something to think about. Sometimes we stay in a miserable situation simply because we're uneasy about taking the next step and we're concerned what might happen. Notice the "might". There are no guarantees in life, other than what will happen if you continue to stay in an abusive work and home environment. You already know it's affecting you mentally and physically and will only get worse.

How much are you paying for board? Is it comparable to rent in the area? Perhaps you can find a room to rent on a weekly/monthly basis until you and fiance are ready to move in together. Do you have any friends with a room or couch to spare? Not the most comfortable, but it is something and you won't be degraded and manipulated on a daily basis.

Wishing you the best!

[Miss_Stress]

An update folks...moving in with my fiance and his father is a no-go and I'm down for a 10-hour shift tomorrow with a grand total of an hour's break throughout the day

Someone buy me alcohol?

[Magpie]

*offers plate of cookies*

And I know Whiskey's been hanging around the boards today...

[Whiskey]

And I know Whiskey's been hanging around the boards today...

I was going to comment earlier something similar, but I figured it was passe. Apparently not.

You can come live with me if you can keep up with me. Two bottles of six percent wine down and I'm a little pissed I'm not even buzzed. Maybe I'll go buy me some whiskey before work because why not

[Miss_Stress]

**UPDATE**

Well, I went to the doctor's a couple of weeks ago, and she basically said that I was burnt out and that I was doing too much. She thinks my Law degree should be my "full time job" for now, and that I shouldn't be working and doing a full time degree because it was too difficult. I went home and told my mum and she went MAD, saying I was just being silly and I didn't want to work So, I'm still working in this horrible job AND doing a full-time degree because she still won't let me quit!

[DeltaSierra]

Why don't you quit, & don't tell your parents. Go out each day, to the library, to school, etc and study, then come home when you normally would from work.

[ArcticChicken]

Do you have any friends you could get a place with?

At some point I'm going to move with a bunch of friends into a house my aunt owns, and I'll be paying about $200 a month. It does mean I'll be sharing a house with up to nine other people, but the way I see it that means we can afford a great cable/internet package. I miss HBO.

[Whiskey]

Why don't you quit, & don't tell your parents. Go out each day, to the library, to school, etc and study, then come home when you normally would from work.

I assume the parents confiscate the paycheck, or at least see it. Or want rent/something similar.

[Talon]

Wait let me see if I get this straight.
Your maternal unit won't let you quit a toxic job even though you can still pay rent, then gets mad at you when you show that a medical professional can attest to your poor mental health?
Forgive my bluntness, but your mother is a fucking asshole
She's threatening not to come to your wedding because you have the gall to want your sister to behave? Some threat! I say call her bluff and let her stay away. Why on earth would you want this creature at your wedding?

As for the suggestions that you quit your job without telling her, that's tricky. Does she confiscate your pay stubs for inspection? I don't like lying, but if it's a choice between that or your mental health, I'd lie. No job or parent is worth your health. The problem here is, being the hardened cynic that I am, I think if you quit and your mood improves, she'll notice and get suspicious. Hell she might even get pissed because her fix of laughing at your suffering is missing.

[Miss_Stress]

Why don't you quit, & don't tell your parents. Go out each day, to the library, to school, etc and study, then come home when you normally would from work.

I wish it was that easy but my mum comes into my place of work on a Saturday and my dad picks me up after work, so he sees me come out of the door because he always arrives 10 minutes before I'm due to finish

[AccountingDrone]

so quit and tell them you got fired/laid off. They can not ask the place because HR can not release the information, just your dates of employ
If you really want to burn your bridge there, do something to deliberately get fired.

[Miss_Stress]

so quit and tell them you got fired/laid off. They can not ask the place because HR can not release the information, just your dates of employ
If you really want to burn your bridge there, do something to deliberately get fired.

The getting fired thing might well become a reality tomorrow - yesterday my fiance spent 9 hours in hospital on a drip because he had very low blood sugar and couldn't remember who I was or who anyone was for about 5 hours so I am very stressed and NOT in the mood to deal with people for my 10-hour shift!