I'm A Loser Baby, So Why Don't You Kill Me?

[blas]

Or, how to alienate all of your friends and not even really give a shit.

I have posted on here and Fratch many times about how almost all of my friends and bf have only one true hobby: going to the bar.

I grew out of partying and always getting smashed a while ago, and then I grew really sick of the bar scene when it got tiring to have to wait ages for a drink, have people wall to wall and in your business, random people trying to talk to you or hit on you, all that jazz.

Plus, with getting a new car, I warned everyone that I simply would not have the income to blow on stupid things like booze anymore. I could still afford to do other things. Truly, drinking is an expensive habbit. I save tons of money (including cab fare, which is usually $10 minimum one way) not going anymore. And quite frankly, it feels better not going. Plus, all bars in Wi are smoke free now, what's the point in even going?

Does anyone meet me halfway? No. All I get invited to are stupid drinking events. No one is willing to drink at home or have a barbeque or campfire or anything. And the two friends who thought I'd just blow $75 to hang out with them at the country music festival....pardon my French but are you retarded?

I text/call friends and ask if they'd want to try going to the new lounge or going to the dog park or the zoo or bowling (there IS a bar at the bowling alley ya know) or a bunch of other stuff, and I either don't get an answer or "Oh, we're busy tonight" and then wow, wouldn't you know it, a Facebook status the next day about being hungover or pictures of them drunk.

Last night my bf and I got in a big fight because I was being somewhat of a bitch about having a bad week at work and I just wanted peace and quiet and to rest and do nothing. He whined that I never want to do anything (drama queen much?) and how he was going out with our friends and I really need to think about how I'm treating people who are supposed to be my friends and people I care about, because they keep inviting me places and I keep refusing. Oh, whatever.

So he stays out until 4 am just to spite me, and I get random bitchy texts from one of my friends about how I never go out and why can't I just tell her I don't want to go out anymore? Uh, because you guys don't fucking get it.

I am not some hermit freak who never wants to leave the house. No one thinks my ideas (including my bf nowadays) are very fun because they don't include crowded places or the bar. "How are you supposed to have fun eating or at the movies?" he says. "How are you supposed to have fun in a crowded bar with everyone spilling on you and the music so loud you have to scream to be heard?" I ask back.

I really don't feel bad at all about "alienating" everyone. I've been having a rough time at work and all I want is peace and quiet and to do stuff I enjoy. If no one wants to meet me halfway, then fine.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I'd do those things if I were close enough to hang I love bowling...can't remember the last time I went to the zoo...

Ex was kinda like that...spent practically every night he wasn't working at the bar; come home at 2am after they closed, etc. I'd hang out sometimes but I don't want to spend every night there. One night he stopped at 7-11 on his way home, picked up some snack food, put it in the oven, then fell asleep (or passed out) on the couch. I woke up at 3am to the smoke alarm. And maybe if he didn't blow all his money on beer he would've been able to pay his bills (and I wouldn't be dealing with all this court bullshit trying to get back the money I loaned him to bail him out). He stopped going after he moved (after we broke up, because he was evicted, for not paying his rent, again)...when it was no longer right down the street. Looking back, he was pretty much an alcoho;ic; of course I didn't see it then. He moved to Florida last year and got married in January. I hope he's grown up (for her sake). (Did I mention he's was in his late 30s when we were dating?)

I'm sorry, where was I going with this? Oh yeah, between this and another recent post, your boyfriend kinda sounds like a jerk. And I'd go bowling with you. If I wasn't in New Jersey...

[blas]

Couple of Fridays ago, before my little brother went out of the country for work, we went to the mall so I could exchange a shirt, we bummed around the mall making fun of clothes in certain stores, we went bowling and neither of us broke 100 either game, then we went to Sonic and caught up on stuff because I never get to see him anymore. It was the most fun I've had in a looong time.

And I didn't even have to drink. Not that I'm against drinking. I had a drink after dinner last night. I am just sick and tired of wasting time and money in stupid bars. Really, I have so much more money now that I don't go. I was usually the DD anyway, and I tired of having to stay out all night to make my friends and bf happy, and deal with them screaming at me because I wanted to leave. I got tired of paying so much for cabs when I didn't even need one. It costed me a lot of money to drink even when I only had a few!

If anyone is a loser, they are. And God Forbid I want some damn peace and quiet after a week of being stalked at work, screamed at, watched like a hawk, and torn down into shreds because my best wasn't enough. I had enough noise all week, I wanted to just chill.

Edit to add: I love bowling, but no one ever wants to go. I suck at it and I don't care. I think it's fun. Plus, they have some of the best food and for my alcoholic friends and bf, they have a Bloody Mary the size of a giant flower vase.

[BookstoreEscapee]

My high game is 196. But that was years ago.

I'm not a big drinker anyway; when I did hang out at the bar I usually had one or two at the most; more often I drank ginger ale and they didn't charge me for it. I always drove home...and often back the next day so he could get his truck (but he could walk if our schedules didn't work; if you caught the green light it was about a 1 minute drive - on the up side he wasn't stupid enough to try to drive even that short distance home). Even on my 29th birthday when he promised he'd be able to drive home, his friend's girlfriend ended up driving us home, and he was almost as drunk as I was (the one and only time I've been drunk enough to throw up).

[protege]

Blas, I never understood the appeal of getting trashed all the time either. That's not to say that I don't enjoy some wine, or Crown Royal, etc. with dinner...but some people act like they can't have a good time *without* alcohol. In fact, when I was with my last girlfriend (many, many years ago ) people actually said that we "couldn't have a good time on New Year's" unless we were trashed. Sorry, but I wasn't about to risk wrapping my new-ish car around a tree. Nor was I about to risk putting her in danger. If I'm going to get trashed, I'll stay home

[AdminAssistant]

I have that problem with my friends sometimes. They want to do a weekly "Ladies" thing at night (we used to do lunch, but now one friend graduated and can't do that). They always want to go to this little, crappy, tiny bar with the grossest, least functioning potty in town. And it's usually really crowded and noisy. I am a claustrophobe, and I've told them repeatedly that I can't go there. I'm starting to watch my anxiety a little more seriously, and I'm not putting myself in that situation so I can hang out with smelly hipsters.

I usually want to just chat over dinner, but some of them insist on drinks. One (who is 34 damn years old) will literally whine, "But driiiinnnkiiiieeessss" Did I mention that she leaves her 10 year old at home by himself so that she can go out for drinkies? Gah. Anyway. I finally told one friend yesterday that if they were going to X place, I wasn't going out. I'd rather sit at home and play WoW with my fiance.

ETA: I also recently decided to just cut out booze for a while. I usually do that once a year - just not drink any alcohol for 2-3 months. It's nice to clean out the system.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Good going, Blas. You deserve peace, and having your own head-space. They aren't friends enough to do even one thing you want to do that doesn't involve drinking. Do you have a hobby? I know you work your ass off, and I've read in other threads how exactly your job's going . I firmly believe that interesting times start in other ways than with alcohol or chemical means. I can be that strange all on my own. ... I need to post some "Drunk-Equivalent Teh" stories on here. Lord knows I remember every. single. moment. :shudder:
Also: that big?? o___o Can has? (nah, too much salt, prolly. urg.)

[chrislb]

some of my friends used to be like that too. i cant afford to drink like that anymore and personally dont want to. too many bad experiences with booze. they are asses for not respecting your wishes.

[JLG]

Blas, I know what you mean about drinking wasting your money. All of the alternatives you mentioned to your friends sounds like a lot of fun to me.

I have a friend that does not have a car right now and instead of saving she spends most of it on going out and drinking. There is nothing wrong with that but if you worry all week about how you are going to get to work then you need to start saving for a car.

My friends go out about 3 times a week drinking and that is just not my thing or in my budget. But we do other things and I have drinking parties at my house when I can squeeze that in my budget. I make a bunch of snack foods and we listen to music and drink.

Too bad your friends don't like your ideas cause they sound like good times to me

[Plaidman]

I'd totally bowl with you if I could.

Think of this way, not that it helps now. You grew out of the drinking game. I'm not sure when you started, but my guess is possibly younger then they have.

They haven't grown all of it yet. Will they? Likely, likely not. I've known people that started drinking in their early teens, and still drinking now every night in their THIRTIES.

It sucks that your friends aren't even meeting you halfway or anything. It may be time to hang with other people. Not get rid of your current friends by any means, but your friendly enough to get anyone your friend. It's their lost they don't want to hang with you and only want to drink.

Sorry about your BF. Hope he thinks better before he dumps you for not being an drinker like everyone else.

BTW: If ya want a random text person to text randomy, my number open. I follow rules. I rarely call. But uh, ask anyone that has my number, (Big list here) I like to text.

[Mishi]

I'm not a big drinker either, have been barely tipsy all of once. I don't need alcohol to have fun, be clumsy or make an ass of myself, which is why it's hard to find friends my own age. Don't get me wrong though, I love having a drink or two with dinner or with friends. I'd just rather spend my time and money on my kids.

Damn it Blas! Now I want to go to the zoo!

[Whiskey]

serious question: why are you with your boyfriend

edit: also, can you take a community college cooking class? Itd be a good way to meet people who enjoy food. no-credit college classes are a really good way to meet up and its entirely less awkward.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I don't like the bars around here either. Generally the only ones friends want to go to are the really noisy ones where you have to scream to have a conversation.

My favorites are the "old people" bars where you can at least have a decent conversation. Plus the drinks aren't quite as expensive.

Also, county fair is coming up and I intend to continue my years-long streak of not going. It's so lame it's just like going to the bar, except there's no place to sit and you have to bathe in everybody's cigarette smoke. And also because it often results in me running into people I don't want to see, while under the influence of alcohol, so my lips are loosened more than they should be.

[telecom_goddess]

I agree with you Blas there is waaaaaaaaay more to life than alcohol. I spent time getting trashed when I was younger...who doesn't...but once I got done with school I quit doing all that. Like you said it's way more fun to go bowling or to the zoo or whatever and stone cold sober. I really do like life better sober.

Your friends have to wise up some day right?

[Cazzi]

Ah Blas, a gal after my own heart

Between my ex hubby.. who's idea of fun was to go out boozing; and if I were with him, I had to stand there & get bored while he talked to HIS friends,, & glared over my shoulder if I dared talk to anyone I knew; and the people I used to know around here who also only seemed to go out to the same old pubs & clubs; are the reason I really don't have any friends in town. No one wanted to do anything different but also expected me to do all the running about in the "friendship".

Who needs booze anyway... I like the odd one, but on the whole not a lot of it agrees with me these days.. & with the hearing problems I have, get me in a noisy bar or club & I can't follow conversation at all.

The nearest friend to me is not that far, about 30 miles, but I don't drive, public transport isn't that good & she has a young family & a busy life with school & church committees etc, so we don't get together often.

Most of my friends are miles away, but aren't the go to the pub & get sloshed type at all. In fact, I've just got back from a few days staying with friends just outside London where as part of the trip I took was for all of us to go off to more friends for a BBQ & get together.
Unfortunately that didn't happen as I got struck with some ghastly tummy bug or other & my friends wouldn't go to the BBQ without me. bless em

So, instead we played 3 way LAN games & Mario & forza games instead Borderlands is waaay cool viewed on a 42 inch HD screen