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ok. the emotions i can deal with, how do i get through the memories?
fair warning somewhat descriptive but nothing gorey just somewhat personal. If this is not ok to post please delete and apologies in advance. I just had to put this down either here or some place as my hand cannot write fast enough to keep up with it all
the most present one is i remember coming around from my c-section. almost everything. whatever the dream was it was lucid as very clear even though I don't recall it. I remember it being snapped away. First whoever was there was calling my name, first snap. Why is someone calling my name the second time, second snap brought me away from the dream, third time SNAP (snaps being coming up from the states of dream, never been that broken for me) and I know where I am, in bed warm someone just called me. I said yes
then BAM pain. "Am I ok" person answers yes
"is (child's name) ok?" person answers again yes...my mind goes. ok...curse curse curse I say "ow ow ow. please make the pain stop" and I remember the smell of the hospital, chemicals, anesthesia, the sterile smell which was calming and terrifying at the same time, that i KNEW if i opened my eyes it would hurt from the light.
Person says you have to open your eyes.
I put my arm over my face and slowly open before slowly pulling my arm away that first glint of light hurt like heck and i say ow again and turn my head as now my stomach hurts...like I will vomit. and my head throbs from the light
the rest i don't recall. somewhere i was aware but out of it as they wheel me to see lisa in the nursery and then to my room
the only other memory of coming around i recall is having to have a DNC don't ask me what that means please ask someone else as the word it is associated with still hurts to say but not as much. They wanted me to open my eyes and i said if i did it was going to hurt and i would throw up....and the smells were very similar to as described above.
fair warning somewhat descriptive but nothing gorey just somewhat personal. If this is not ok to post please delete and apologies in advance. I just had to put this down either here or some place as my hand cannot write fast enough to keep up with it all
the most present one is i remember coming around from my c-section. almost everything. whatever the dream was it was lucid as very clear even though I don't recall it. I remember it being snapped away. First whoever was there was calling my name, first snap. Why is someone calling my name the second time, second snap brought me away from the dream, third time SNAP (snaps being coming up from the states of dream, never been that broken for me) and I know where I am, in bed warm someone just called me. I said yes
then BAM pain. "Am I ok" person answers yes
"is (child's name) ok?" person answers again yes...my mind goes. ok...curse curse curse I say "ow ow ow. please make the pain stop" and I remember the smell of the hospital, chemicals, anesthesia, the sterile smell which was calming and terrifying at the same time, that i KNEW if i opened my eyes it would hurt from the light.
Person says you have to open your eyes.
I put my arm over my face and slowly open before slowly pulling my arm away that first glint of light hurt like heck and i say ow again and turn my head as now my stomach hurts...like I will vomit. and my head throbs from the light
the rest i don't recall. somewhere i was aware but out of it as they wheel me to see lisa in the nursery and then to my room
the only other memory of coming around i recall is having to have a DNC don't ask me what that means please ask someone else as the word it is associated with still hurts to say but not as much. They wanted me to open my eyes and i said if i did it was going to hurt and i would throw up....and the smells were very similar to as described above.
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