How to deal with someone who is always late/slow

[taxguykarl]

Tell him everything is starting/happening an hour earlier than it is.

My dad and his fishing buddies shamed an ever-late arriving member in this interesting way:
They held a pool when he would actually arrive. On the occasion when he finally got the hint there was about half of the group trying to shoo him away (the liked that would-be winner) and the other half all but carrying him to the meeting place.

[emax4]

Not only would I suggest saying things are an hour later when they're really not, but don't include him in the game as it will be a throwback to everyone. If he insists, that means the DM will have to basically do a separate game with him trying to catch up with everyone while the rest of the party is farther ahead. What's that? The party just narrowly escaped an avalanche or a rockslide? The person lagging behind has to dig or climb his way through those same obstacles.

What you could also do is this: Tell the guy when your friends are meeting and have your real group meet at the place where you play games. Before he shows up, simply go somewhere else and don't tell him. When he calls & asks why you aren't there, tell him you decided to do something else instead, and that if he had shown up on time that he could join you, but now you're all splitting up & doing your own thing. Eventually he should get the point.

[MaggieTheCat]

Okay, well, our gaming group is getting together this weekend (we're already in the middle of two other campaigns that the other DMs are running so I won't be DMing for a while, so K is still invited.) I told the group 11:30am, then sent another email to everyone except K saying that I only said 11:30 in the hopes that K might show up earlier, and that we're actually planning for noon. I don't know if it will work -- we've tried this tactic before with no success. The one time he showed up 2 and a half hours late? That was because we told everyone we wanted to game early (11am) and K still didn't show up until 1:30, which is his usual time (yet whenever we set the start time for 1 or 1:30, he's even later.)

[Andara Bledin]

Here's some insight from someone who is the chronically tardy person you are all bitching about.

For me, it's a psychological thing. I can be on time. I can even be early. But it takes a lot of me essentially psyching myself up into doing it and I have to get started way early to get to that point. Once I'm late, however, it's like there's no more pressure about being on time, and I have no problems just heading right out the door. I'm fortunate that I work for a person who is willing to work with me on my being chronically late as long as it doesn't get excessive and my work doesn't suffer. Also, if I'm going to be more late than usual to something, I will call ahead to let people know.

My father, on the other hand, is just a jerk. He was late to my wedding. He was told to be there an hour early. My cousin picked him up and was there in time to leave to get there an hour early. My father still took over two hours before he even started getting ready. He was nearly two hours late to my wedding. In his case, it's pure selfishness. He doesn't care that whatever he's getting to will start without him, he has no interest in getting there until he's good and ready to get there. He's been like this for longer than I've been alive. My mother would go to things without him regularly because she had no patience to wait for him to be ready and she wasn't going to be late to things like our recitals.

^-.-^

[Mytical]

I wish I could be late sometimes. Mind won't allow it, to the point of anxiety if I even think I will be a little bit late to something. I live 7 minutes from work, 45 minutes before I have to be there, I leave for work. Appointment at 2pm, and it is an hour drive? I have left by noon.

As for dealing with perpetual lateness, sometimes nothing you try will work. Then you just have to flat out tell them. "You are late again, that's it, don't bother showing up ever again." If it happens and they show up again. "Sorry, you have to leave now."

Some people are not able to process subtle.

[Jester]

Some suggestions:

For his tardiness, always lie to him about when something is. Seriously. Lie. Bald-faced 100% deception. You plan something for 6, tell him it's at 5. Hell, tell him 4:30. I have friends like this, and I just have gotten into the habit of flat-out lying to them about the time. And depending on the friend, I'll either be honest with them about it later ("Sure I told you the wrong time, since I knew you'd be late!") or I continue to lie ("I could have sworn I told you 6. Oh well, no worries!"). It works.

For his slowness, there are a couple possibilities. Since he is slowing everyone else down, he should be made to bring his own vehicle, or be forced to pack up his meal when everyone else is done. "Dude, we've got to get back to the office. Pack that shit up. Or else walk back."

Stop being nice, and just lay down The Law to this guy. I am The World's Slowest Eater, but I'll be damned if I'll allow myself to make others late because of my snail's pace. I either pack it up or make my own way.

[MaggieTheCat]

I keep meaning to update this thread about our recent results.

I have started telling K earlier times than what we're actually planning. The last time we all played D&D, I told everyone 11:30am, then I told everyone except K that I really meant noon and only said 11:30 in the hopes that K might actually show up at a reasonable time. He did, in fact, show up at about 12:20, which is remarkable for him.

So we tried it again the following week when we had everyone over to our house for dinner. I said 6:30, with the plans of actually serving dinner between 7 and 7:15. K showed up at 8.

So, it's still hit it or miss. I'll probably continue telling him earlier times than what we plan, but I won't hope for the "only 20 minutes late" trick he pulled the first time.

The rest of us DID agree that we're going to start our D&D sessions as soon as the DM and three players are together (there's four players total, including K, who is always, always the last person to show up.) So if everyone except K is ready at 12:15 and K shows up at 1...he misses out on the first 45 minutes of the game. He never does anything anyway except play with his god damned phone, so it's not like we're even missing a PC. I have also decided that the next time I start a game that I'm going to DM, K's email address is going to be mysteriously removed from the invite emails I send.

[Jester]

I have dealt with people like this, and while it is hit or miss, I generally suggest using an hour as your lie. Dinner's at 8? Invite K for 7. D&D at 4? Tell K 3. It's not perfect, but it's better than what you're dealing with now.

And if he shows up slightly early, say 7:45 for 8:00 dinner when you told him 7? "Oh, Buffy and Biff are running a bit late. They called to say they'll be here shortly, though."

Lie, lie, lie. Either that, or dump the motherfucker from your social circle. Some friends are worth putting up with their tardiness. From your descriptions of K, he is not one of those people.

[shadowpanda]

I agree with the idea of telling 'K' things are an hour earlier than they actually are.

My ex used to do this all the time and we would end up missing the showings of films etc. We used to argue about his time keeping all the flippin' time and eventually I started working on 'his' time and altered things by an hour.

It does work, but I felt disrespected every time he did it, as if my time, company and activities were worth less than his.