What do you do when you have gone cold

[Midnight12]

forgive me.
update.
it feels like three days but that is probably my sense of time being off.
for the past two (three?) days i have showered, spent morning time with daughter, remained on top of chores, and wore daughter out so that she would nap, finished work out routine in time to lay down myself.

my plan now which I have had in the back of my mind is to revamp my online resume, print it out, go out with dad in law next week as he has vacation and put in applications and speak with some of the daycares around here to see what their standards are, costs, what foods they feed and get a feel for them. and see how they would react to daughter's dairy allergy.

to be honest I have had this plan, not just for day care but the work out routine and others ready to go, just had no motivation. reading the responses here had helped. basically a slap in the face to stop moping and get up and DO IT.
thank you

[telecom_goddess]

Glad the responses helped. I hope the example you're setting with the hygiene helps. That he doesn't just ignore it. If he does ignore that refuse to let him sleep in the same room until he can be clean. There is no need to inflict that on anyone else.

So I guess I'm lord queen of everything in my house since not only do I pay for everything including rent/cable/cellphones/electricity but I also am the one who does all the housework too. The only things I don't do is other people's laundry. But I get everything else.

[Midnight12]

he finally showered today so its a start now he just has to follow through.....
and now i get to deal with the crap and fallout from this ps3 debacle as posted in technical help....sigh

[telecom_goddess]

he finally showered today so its a start now he just has to follow through.....
and now i get to deal with the crap and fallout from this ps3 debacle as posted in technical help....sigh

thank god for that...now go fumigate the furniture

[Moirae]

Midnight, I hope things get better, I really do. I wouldn't wish misery on anyone, and marriages should be happy even if they aren't always easy.

[jedimaster91]

I have many friends who are stay at home moms and their kids are happy, healthy, and provided for. Heck, one couple we know makes it on just the husband's part-time teaching job while he's also going to school full time. Oh, and they have 5 kids with one more on the way. If they can do it, it's definitely possible. But the key, again, is adhering to a strict budget. If both parents aren't willing to stick to the budget it's not going to work.

[MaggieTheCat]

1. You need to go to work. No if's and's or but's. Its time for you to go to work. And for your own sanity, you need to do something other than sit at home all the time, whether you're doing chores or not. It does not matter. You need to talk to other people, and other adults. It will also let YOU feel financially secure so that if you do leave, you have something to fall back on. And you won't be worrying constantly about money because you'll have two incomes. Seshat also made some great suggestions on finance. However, its going to be very hard for you to do whats suggested if you don't have any of your own money coming in.

Have to agree with jedimaster on this one, it is entirely possible to live off one person's income as long as you budget properly. Plus, depending on what kind of job the OP can get, how far away it is from her home, and how much daycare costs for her child, the family could end up with LESS money than with just one person's income.

I don't know what minimum wage is these days, but let's say you find a job paying $7.50/hr, working 40 hours a week. First, that's a stretch since a lot of minimum wage or low paying jobs won't give you fulltime hours. If you are working for that amount and for those hours, you would make $300/wk, before taxes, social security, etc. are taken out. Now let's say daycare costs $150-200/wk. Not at all out of the ballpark, as child care can be very expensive, especially good childcare with properly trained employees and a safe facility. Throw in gas prices and it's entirely possible that you will end up breaking even or even owing more in daycare/gas/etc. than what you make.

Now, if the OP can find a decent paying job, then that's a different story and it certainly may be worth it. But getting a job for the sake of getting a job is not necessarily a smart move when you will end up paying several hundred dollars a week in something like daycare as a result.

[Moirae]

Its not about money. Its about having the freedom to do things other than sit at home taking care of children and doing housework. Its about getting out and meeting people, including other adults. A job will help give strength and freedom, even if its only a couple days a week. Its about the road to independence even if that means just being in control of your own life instead of feeling like you are under the boot of another because you have to rely on someone else for things you want or need.

A day a week can easily pay for something like a haircut, or a video game, or something. Just something that isn't always waiting and begging to have those things from someone else.

[jedimaster91]

Its not about money. Its about having the freedom to do things other than sit at home taking care of children and doing housework.

Mama Jedi only started working outside the home within the last couple years. Papa Jedi may have been making the money, but Mama Jedi was in charge of the budget and things. She also didn't just sit around and care for us especially with the advent of cell phones and once we were old enough to be left at home for a few hours (she used to joke that the "P" in the car stood for "Pause" instead of "Park" since she was never home. Heck, I'm still shocked when she answers the house phone). It's harder with small children, but the socialization aspect makes it good for them to get out once in awhile. Even if it's just a walk around the block. Small children can also be put in charge of age appropriate chores (like putting clean silverware away, sorting laundry, etc) so the work doesn't all fall on the mother.

Still, when you have kids, you have to make sacrifices. Sometimes that means not getting that video game or just getting a trim instead of a perm and highlights.

A day a week can easily pay for something like a haircut, or a video game, or something. Just something that isn't always waiting and begging to have those things from someone else.

It all comes back to the budget. You can easily budget those things on one income. It may take awhile to save up for the extras depending on how much extra money there is, but there's no need for anyone to beg for them. It's nice to have extra spending money, but like Maggie said, it may not be worth it once childcare enters the equation. There's also opportunities through paid survey sites and the like. That might be a good option for a few extra bucks without having to worry about what to do with the kids.


To the OP, it's time to sit hubby down and have a serious conversation with him about finances. You may have to take his credit/debit cards away and hide them in a safe place. He gets so much cash per week or month and when it's gone, it's gone. Yeah, it's going to suck for him to not be able to buy what he wants when he wants. Tough. He has a family and it's his responsibility to make sure the family is provided for. And if he's not willing to work with you on this, it's time to explore other options.

I'd also start doing a meal calendar. Plan out in advance what meals you will have on which days and then only buy what you need to make those meals. If there's extra grocery money, stock up on some cheap, easy to fix meals like spaghetti. We started doing that a few months ago and it really does save money.

[Midnight12]

on the subject of budgeting i apparently have to chose my words wisely or be very specific.
we had about so much left in the account until payday and since i have enough set out for each meal that there are leftovers he can take to work for his lunch i said ok. i have your lunchbox if you forget it thats your problem. However if we run out of soda we have extra in the bank so if you need to you can buy some.

Well because i didn't say ONE soda per work day or don't blow it all, thats just what he did. he forgot his lunch one night and blew that little bit left on an extravagant lunch which was basically big old sub, chips and 2 liter soda. that was supposed to last him all week well. i told him give me your bank card its mine now. and i guess since you blew it, i don't need to make lunches for you, you can make your own if there is food in the fridge. IE there will always be left overs I just won't go that extra step to get it together and in his lunch box, he will have to get up early to have enough time to dress, prepare for work and make his own lunch.

it wasn't much, like 10 or so bucks but he could have made it work as we had what we needed. its a pain because now i have to spend more energy to watch him and nickle and dime him over every damn thing...he has no self control it seems.
F***! fine i get to get some coffee grinds for having to have 12-16 hour days

[jedimaster91]

i told him give me your bank card its mine now

Good for you!