HELP!

[Jester]

Okay, this has been bothering me, and I can't make heads or tails of it, so I'm hoping you can help me understand it.

From what I've read, it sounds like you JUST bought your laptop, and you JUST bought your car....and suddenly you're flat broke trying to get across the country. My question is simple....what happened? If you knew something like this was coming, why drop the dough on those two high ticket items? If you didn't know it was coming, but decided to do it after the purchases, why not plan it better?

My personal opinion is that it would be best for you to keep the car, find a way to continue to make payments on it, and get your ass to New York as per your plan. Now, that may involve a serious delay in getting there, like, say, getting a job where you are and getting a little more financially sorted out, but that would be better than being homeless, hungry, broke, AND having no car but still having a huge car loan to pay off as well.

Of course, that's just my opinion.

[Seshat]

I agree with Jester here: backpacker hostels are cheap to stay at, and can usually help you get temporary work that covers the cost of the stay + a bit. Even better, they usually include a (shared) kitchen space, which you can use to make lentil soup and other extremely cheap meals.

[Imogene]

From what I've read, it sounds like you JUST bought your laptop, and you JUST bought your car

I got the laptop by trading in my old desktop computer through a friend of my friend's, plus the extent of my DVD collection, basically. And the car was a necessity at the time to shut up the parents, basically, and so I could get back and forth to work.

I'm skint because I spent a month in the friend's hotel unexpectedly... it was supposed to be a night total, and then I continue on, but taking thirteen hours to drive a ten hour leg pissed me off, and I found out my friend in NY was getting evicted, so, I was suddenly stuck in Limbo, with nowhere to go if I pushed on forward, and no desire to move backward.

There's apparently a youth hostel in a nearby city, but... I don't think they'll allow a 29 year old.

[Eireann]

Most hostels will take people of any age, including families. It can't hurt to check.

[Seshat]

Meh. I'm in my 40s, and in your situation I'd be talking to backpacker or youth hostels.

[Mikkel]

They'll allow anyone, except if they are almost full.
At least that's my experience (from Europe).

It can't hurt to call them.

[Jester]

There's apparently a youth hostel in a nearby city, but... I don't think they'll allow a 29 year old.

It costs nothing to ask. The worst they can say is no....and odds are, they won't say that. From what I've seen, the "youth" in "youth hostel" generally refers to those who normally stay there, not who they'll let stay there.

[Ree]

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."

There is a lot of truth in that old Chinese Proverb.

No offense to you, Imogene, but I have read through the thread, and you are being given a lot of great advice, but in every case, you have some reason or another for why you simply cannot take that advice.

It seems to me that you were looking for the quick fix of a handout from the generous and kindhearted members of CS.

While that might have helped you short term to get over your current bump, what about next week?

It seems to me that you did something spontaneous and liberating without any regard to the future.
There was no long term plan. There was only right now.

You felt alienated and like an outcast in your family, so you "ran away from home."
I'm sorry, but 29 year olds do not "run away from home".
Small children who don't feel their needs are being met "run away from home".
29 year old adults who are discontent in their life make a plan and set goals, and think about how to improve their situation.

When offered a place to stay, they research it and put some thought into the "what if" side of things and make contingency plans.

I think you have a lot more support from family than you were willing to admit, but you don't want to have to suck it up and lose your pride by admitting you didn't really think things out, and you didn't behave as "grown up" as you should have.

We have all made mistakes and screwed up. Sometimes shit happens even if we do plan things out.
The key is to move on and look at options to get out of the pile of crap we have landed in.

You made a post asking for help.
You are being given all kinds of help in the form of advice. I suspect that's not exactly what you had in mind, so all I am hearing from you as a result is why none of the advice will work.

Nothing frustrates me more than someone sitting in a puddle crying about the rain and refusing an umbrella because they don't have a free hand to hold it. Put something down and take the freakin' umbrella and get out of the puddle.

[Jester]

Well, this is a first. I'm reading Ree's post, and wondering how in the world she got into my brain to read my thoughts!

Amusingly, I did not post those thoughts because I thought it would come off as too harsh. (Yes. Me. Imagine that.)

But I agree with Ree. (Well, obviously.) Stop whining and start making plans that will actually work, and then follow through on those plans. They may not be exactly what you had in mind, but ya know what? Life never is. The difference between adults and children is that adults accept responsibility for their actions, learn from their mistakes, and move on.

Abandoning your newly acquired car is not the actions of an adult. It's a child saying "I don't want to play with this anymore." You have a loan that you signed on for, and you need to make good on it. So settle down where you are, go home, whatever you need to do, get a freakin' job, get back on your damn feet, and then go wherever the hell you want. New York, New Jersey, New Hampshire, or Newfoundland, or wherever you decide you want to go.....but have a plan in mind, as Ree said. And by "have a plan in mind," I mean actually sit down, figure out precisely how you're going to do it, don't rely on other people, and get it done. After all, other people are notoriously unreliable. If you don't believe me, check your current situation. Yeah, how's that working out for you?

Also, it seems like you are in a slightly better position than when this all started, so I feel I can say now what I politely alluded to before. To wit, if you are homeless and jobless and penniless and you have a choice between keeping your laptop and starving or selling it and feeding yourself, you sell the damn laptop. To say "I don't want to give it up" but then expect other people to help you feed yourself is the height of selfishness.

To be honest, when I read the original post, I figured you were about 17-20. 29? Coming from this self-professed permanent child, I have two words for you:

Grow up.

[Mikkel]

Amusingly, I did not post those thoughts because I thought it would come off as too harsh. (Yes. Me. Imagine that.)

I still think it came off a bit too harsh. Still, Imogene, your father did support your wish to be more independent by offering to help you find a place of your own (or so I think you said).
You have a goal, moving with your friend to NY. You can't go now without getting in bottomless debt. The car loan, the ticket and so on.
I think it is time for a strategic withdrawal. Go back, plan better, save money and go again in half a year or so. If your friend can't wait, he isn't much of a friend.

And, something I have wanted to say.
If you are down at luck and without money, hotels and fast food aren't the way to go. You could have eaten for days for what a burger at MD cost.
Bread and some spread that can keep without a fridge, carrots and some apples and perhaps some multivitamins. That and water will keep you going as well or better than a burger and soda.

[Ree]

Amusingly, I did not post those thoughts because I thought it would come off as too harsh.

I still think it came off a bit too harsh.

That's what I was worried about when I posted.

I didn't want to seem as if I was attacking Imogene.
That was not my intent at all.

I had stayed out of the thread before now, because I didn't really feel there was much more I could add that wasn't being covered very well by others, including you, Mikkel.

I saw some excellent tips and advice, and I kept hoping to read an update saying that Imogene had followed through on at least one piece of advice, but all I was reading was more of the same hopelessness and excuses (for lack of a better word), and I started to get frustrated.

To be fair to the OP, we are not there and we cannot see the situation. We only have words in a post, and we are offering advice based on the details shared with us.
I'm sure, as frustrated I am with all of the justification for not following any of the advice given so far, there is a great deal of frustration on Imogene's part, too.

We don't allow attacks on other members, and we don't allow calling out, but sometimes, as harsh as it seems, someone has to step up and say, "Enough," and point out that, unless the OP really, really wants the advice, and is willing to make the changes and follow the steps, there's not much point in beating a dead horse.

[Mikkel]

I know, Ree. I have been on the street myself, without money, and I know how to make do.
Still, hitchhiking around Europe, almost forty years ago and with the knowledge that your family will help if you are in over your head, isn't the same as suddenly standing on the street with legal debts, this decade, and with whatever happens to you after a stroke as a teenager.
I really can't blame Imogene for being overwhelmed by the situation and I think it is recommendable that she wanted to manage without help from her family.
I actually checked how to help out with money, but the fees from American Express on what little I could spare would have eaten most of the money, and I don't think AE need any help .

[Imogene]

Ree: I did have a plan, it was originally to stay the night in Chesterfield, at my friend's hotel, and then continue on my way to New York. And then I found out my friend was getting evicted, and while I considered very briefly continuing on to NY anyway, I wasn't sure I would have somewhere to live there. So, I got sucked into a whirlpool of possible escapes that kept pulling me right back to the center.

I ran away because the parents still treat me like I'm in my teens. No, seriously, due to my sister in law's influence, they tell me how to dress.

In other news, however, Mom texted me today to let me know I got a check in the mail from my job, for vacation time I never took, for $199. Mom's going to mail it to me tomorrow, so, I should be getting it in the next few days. And I will buy an Amtrak ticket to get to New York, for the Wednesday after, so, it should be cheapish... and I'll have gas money and food money for a week ish.

Also: when I first posted the thread, I had spent the week stuck between hanging out in the local mall to charge my laptop, and the local McD's because my plan to sell the car didn't work how I thought it would. I was mentally at a point where I refused to ask the family for help. And I still partially am, but I'm in a better position to refuse their help.

It was never intended to be excuses, it was more an inability to wrap my head around so many suggestions at once, coupled with a lack of money or gas or whatever.

[Jester]

I still think it came off a bit too harsh.

I am not always fun and fluffy. And neither is reality.

I didn't want to seem as if I was attacking Imogene.

I want to be clear that I am NOT attacking Imogene. What I am doing is taking exception to Imogene's actions, and addressing them. I wish Imogene nothing but the best, and hope it all works out, but as is my nature, I am going to call it like I see it.

That being said, every single thing I say here is designed to help Imogene, either by suggesting what to do or by delivering a smack in the face with a wake up dose of reality. However harsh y'all may think I am, I will be the very first one raising my glass to cheer Imogene's triumphant arrival in New York (or wherever).

Yes, kid, I want you to succeed. But to do that, you must first wake up and grow up.

I know, Ree. I have been on the street myself, without money, and I know how to make do.

While I have not been on the street, I have had to live for weeks at a time on grape soda and Pop Tarts, being profoundly broke. I have jumped full force into plans that were not well thought through, and suffered the consequences of so doing. I have been stupid, immature, thoughtless, and completely without direction or enough of a clue to rub together with a stick to cause a spark, so I don't think I am being hypocritical when I accuse the OP of any or all of the above.

Ree: I did have a plan...

Yes. Yes you did. But you had no backup plan. Sadly, it appears that you still don't.

I ran away because the parents still treat me like I'm in my teens. No, seriously, due to my sister in law's influence, they tell me how to dress.

And because you allow them to do so, they will continue to do so. Running away is still the act of a child, not an adult. Moving away is the act of an adult, but that involves having a plan, as well as planning for the unforseen.

I will buy an Amtrak ticket to get to New York, for the Wednesday after, so, it should be cheapish... and I'll have gas money and food money for a week ish.

Still planning on abandoning the car, then? To what end, other than walking away from an adult obligation, defaulting on a loan, and ruining your credit for years to come?

It was never intended to be excuses, it was more an inability to wrap my head around so many suggestions at once, coupled with a lack of money or gas or whatever.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

You are now not in such desperate straits, so you have the luxury of time to be able to wrap your head around all the advice you've been offered, as well as the situation you are currently in.

You are still running away. You are still acting as a child would. Leaving is fine, abandoning adult responsibilities and using your parents' money to get away from your parents is not in any way adult.

I repeat my earlier chastisement: grow up. You're 29. Start acting like it. Or I see you being a 30 year old runaway child on the streets of New York.

New York is an amazing place. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. But New York is also a brutal and cruel place. If you fail there, you're pretty much toast.

I hope your new plan is better than your original one.

[Nyoibo]

Take the money from work, sell the laptop, buy petrol and drive, it should be enough to get you there, I know it's a prick of a thing, I do know, I've driven a lot of it, from NY to Ohio back to NY, lived in my car for a week, and then drove from NY to Miami through Tennesse, what you would spend on a train ticket would be about as much as you'd pay for petrol, not to mention what you'd spend on trying to transport the car, with the added bonus of when you get to where you're going you'll be independantly mobile.

Don't know what type of car you have but if it's a sedan drop the back seats down and you can sleep across into the boot, fair bit of room to stretch out in.