Problems With Sister

[Eisa]

My parents didn't teach either of their kids self-reliance at all. My sister was doing a little better [she'd gotten a job at Wendy's], but she ended up dropping out of college after first semester and now she has one toddler, another kid on the way, and is legitimately on disability, but also...hmm. Tries to get whatever she can possible out of everything and everyone without putting any work in at all herself. My mom especially likes to treat her like a princess because she's the one who popped out the babies [whereas I shudder at the thought of ever having children ever ].

I still don't have a job [was finishing college and now...meh] and pay no rent, but in living with my aunt, I clean up and straighten up and do a ton of things around the house in lieu of rent. It's annoying sometimes, yes, but hey...I feel better doing those things knowing that they're "payment" in a sense and helping her out, rather than just mooching off her.

Your sister sounds like a spoiled brat.

[Miss_Stress]

Well I've just stood my ground with her, and had things thrown at me. We agreed to halve the chores this morning. I did my half, and she did none. She had my mum doing the washing even though my mum is going away for the weekend, so I ended up doing it so my mum could get off on time.

Then, my sister said, nay, DEMANDED, that I "swap the rabbits over". I told her to come back and ask me in a proper manner. She proceeded to shout and scream, and moved to strike me. I told her if she touched me I would call the police. She then went on a rant about me studying law and "just because I study law doesn't mean I can use it to my advantage." Erm yes, yes I can. Anyway, she then started complaining that she has to do chores when I am staying with my fiance at my auntie's house. I said I wasn't physically there to do them, then she started complaining about only getting a tenner a week in pocket money. I replied that I paid board, and she said that tenner was all she had to live off. I told her to get a job, and she responded by throwing a bowl at me.

What a pleasant girl.

[Shangri-laschild]

I'm guessing that your parents used it on you and not her is because with you they knew you would listen and do what they say and with her it would just cause trouble. Though not as bad, I had similar instances with my parents. Things they cracked down on with me because I tried to be a good daughter to some extent where as my sister had some crazy years for a bit there. She always had to learn from her own mistakes vs someone else's and my parents didn't crack down as hard on her in some ways because of it. It drove me up the wall for a while there. Still does in some ways because while I get it, I think they should have maybe been a little harder on her to help her. Honestly at this point, given her history with them, it's unlikely that she's going to learn anything or change while still living there.

[taxguykarl]

My sister cursed a blue streak anytime anything was asked of her. She doesn't know how to pick up after herself, cook or clean. My mom was so tired of the constant abuse that *she* moved out. So now my sister is 27, flunked out of high school, doesn't know how to survive in the real world at all, and now has a free house, free car, and a credit card that my mom pays off for her every month. Honestly I know it's lower stress for my mother to not have to deal with it, but it's still not an ideal situation for anyone involved.

OMG!!! So where is your mother living? Who is maintaining the house? Why the hell doesn't mom evict your sib and slap her with a restraining order? That's what my mother would do if my sister or I were to even think about pulling that kind of nonsense (and leave the culprit a closet full of boots to the head), come to think of it). No, I'm not exaggerating: She once sent a cousin of hers who had been evicted to the Salvation Army--it helps to understand that the cousin in this tale is a parasitic piece of work, but her principal is consistent. FWIW, she's very much the no-nonsense type.

They both don't work, they have two kids and my grandmother raises thier kids for them. Meanwhile they've forced my grandmother out of her house and gotten her to pay for everything they want. Besides the $30,000 truck/trailer and $40,000 party boat, my aunt and uncle also have weekly massage/mani-pedis and each have a personal trainer. They live the high life, while my grandmother has to sponge off my mom to be able to pay her own bills.

OMG!! Another bunch for boots to the head.. How are the kids? Are they the same EW's as their dysfunctional parents?

Well I've just stood my ground with her, and had things thrown at me.

Tell me you're being figurative...

she started complaining about only getting a tenner a week in pocket money. I replied that I paid board, and she said that tenner was all she had to live off. I told her to get a job, and she responded by throwing a bowl at me.

Crud, you're not. Stay away from this train wreck...continue to live with Aunty & fiance. Be available to move sis out when and only when the 'rents say it's time...Maybe some time when she's out drinking & carousing: Box up all her things, put them in the driveway and change the locks.

[Kanalah]

Taxguy, my family is insane.

My mom and grandmother actually live together in a small retirement cottage. My mom works 60-70 hour weeks to pay all the bills for the cottage and my sister's bills. All of my grandmother's retirement money goes to my uncle and aunt. And to answer your question, yes, both of thier kids are absolute brats. When we have a birthday party for our kids, they sit and sulk because they're not the center of attention. My uncle complained to my grandmother that he didn't feel that Hubby and I were spending enough money on him for Christmas so he didn't want us around. That was a hard phone call for all of us, hearing from my grandmother that I'm no longer welcome at her house for family gatherings.

But the holidays at my house are awesome, we get to cook whatever we want to eat, watch whatever we want on TV and just have a good time. No trying to please all the EWs in the family.

Edit: Also the video is hilarious! Now my son is running around, thrusting his arm out and yelling "Boot to the head!"

[Moirae]

Why the hell are these ppl babied?

[Seshat]

My kid brother had some problems as an infant and toddler. He would throw tantrums which included slamming his head into the corner of furniture - causing concerns that he'd cause himself injury.

Throughout our childhood, discipline techniques that worked on me would not work on him. They did consult medical and behavioural specialists (mind you, this was the very early 1970s).

The result was a very uneven discipline for me and my brother. I was held to a standard of behaviour significantly higher than he was. He could get away with tantrums as long as they weren't likely to damage him - I couldn't tantrum at all. He could refuse to do things, I couldn't. I had to be polite and well behaved, he was permitted to misbehave sometimes.

I could continue - but the outcome has been that I live half a continent away from my parents and brother. I get no assistance from them. My brother, his wife and two children live within spitting distance, and have always received a great deal of help, and still do.

And yes, it hurts. And I avoid talking to them, because it hurts so goddamn much.

[Blue Ginger]

Make sure your dad's will specifies that they will receive nothing and why. It may save years of court battles and fighting with you and your mum.

That's what the legal person recommended to me when I made mine. I didn't even have that much that was valuable at the time.

It will probably be need to be worded carefully. But any wills specialist should be able to help.

[taxguykarl]

Kanalah, you ought to consider a class in television writing (daytime drama, of course). It would be a crying shame to let that material go to waste.

to answer your question, yes, both of thier kids are absolute brats. When we have a birthday party for our kids, they sit and sulk because they're not the center of attention.

Why am I not surprised?! Oh yes, mommy and daddy's sterling example.

My uncle complained to my grandmother that he didn't feel that Hubby and I were spending enough money on him for Christmas so he didn't want us around.

Damn! What a piece of work. This guy is the EW's EW. OTOH, I wouldn't want to be around a like that and absolutely wouldn't want my kids (if I had kids, mind you) to get it in their heads that this is normal, functional behavior.

That was a hard phone call for all of us, hearing from my grandmother that I'm no longer welcome at her house for family gatherings.

That may be for the better as your kids have less exposure to this BS. I hope the kids hear NO from you and Mr. Kanalah--sooner or later, they'll know you're doing them a favor.

BTW, when's their Jerry Springer appearance?

As a certain eminent economist put it:

If something cannot go on forever, it will stop.

the video is hilarious! Now my son is running around, thrusting his arm out and yelling "Boot to the head!"

Consider introducing him to Simon' s cat. BTW, how old is he?

[Kanalah]

I joke that if I wrote a book about it, then I'd get in Oprah's book club or something.

I used to be really sad because they were always mean to me. Now I'm glad that I don't fit in.

That year was a rough time for us, but I think it was for the better. When we were allowed over for Christmas, 95% of the gifts were for uncle, aunt and thier kids. Nothings for me, hubby or my 2 kids. Not even a stocking. Now myself and hubby, we don't care if we get gifts or not, but to ignore the children is just cold. I was just glad that we had a reason to not show up before the kids got old enough to ask "why doesn't greatgrandma love me?"

I used the threaten to put them on Dr phil, but now I think Hoarders is more appropriate, since I'm the only one that does any sort of regular housecleaning.

Actually uncle and aunt say that I'm a bad mom or I must be beating my kids because they're polite and respectful and don't really care for junk food.

Anyway, daughter is 5 and son just turned 4.

For now I'm just sitting back and watching the show.

[blas]

Being the oldest can really suck. It seems we always get the short end of the stick, the iron fist raising tactics, and the younger siblings always have more leeway and less rules.

[KellyHabersham]

Being the oldest can really suck. It seems we always get the short end of the stick, the iron fist raising tactics, and the younger siblings always have more leeway and less rules.

Definitely agree on this - growing up, my sister and I often felt that our younger brother got away with much more than we would've been allowed to. (Some examples being that he wasn't expected to help out with household chores, it was "ok" for him to yell at me in public, whereas I'd get fussed at if I'd done it to him,......etc.)

What really bugged me though, is when my brother would do stupid things with money, and Mom NEVER got fussed at him or got bitchy the way she would do when I needed help.

[tropicsgoddess]

Being the oldest can really suck. It seems we always get the short end of the stick, the iron fist raising tactics, and the younger siblings always have more leeway and less rules.

That and you were expected to be a shining example for the younger ones and you are the one that pretty much has to fend for yourself with little or no help at all. Being the oldest child really sucks.

[blas]

We need to start an "Oldest Child Misery Group". Just for us older kids who are the result of iron fisted parents who didn't feel the need to be so hard on the children that followed.

[Mishi]

*Nods* Rugz and I are both eldest children, that's why we write down the date and age that Jazzy is allowed to do different things (ie. ear piercings, first sleepover, etc) so that we can be as fair as possible. They respond to different methods of discipline, but the rules and amount of leeway are the same for both of our munchkins.