Problems With Sister

[EricKei]

Another bunch for boots to the head..

Of course, seeing that made me think of the Original.

I grew up as an elder of two brothers, myself; I did see a certain tendency towards this sort of thing, just not anything nearly on this scale o_O

[Miss_Stress]

....Aaaaannnndddd there's more! My sister and dad have spent the whole weekend at each others' throats...unless it meant ganging up to ruin something that I had planned of course. Today, I've been told my sister that "me and dad were getting on fine until you came home." So I asked her what I'd done to make them fall out...and of course she couldn't answer me.

So yes, I'm being blamed for arguments that I had nothing to do with now!

[taxguykarl]

Today, I've been told my sister that "me and dad were getting on fine until you came home." So I asked her what I'd done to make them fall out...and of course she couldn't answer me.

You set an example of how sane adults should conduct themselves...that's what!

[Sapphire Silk]

Miss Stress, get out of that house.

It is not healthy for you.

I do not get people like this. I've worked some jobs I absolutely loathed, because I value being self sufficient. I have pride. I have self respect.

Your sister has none of those things. Your parents are enabling her bad behavior. Your sister is turning into a leech and a bottom feeder and it is not going to get better until they kick her out of the house and tell her she's on her own.

Since they seem to be putting the blame on you for her behaviors, it would be to your own best interest to find a way to live somewhere else.

My dad used to try and use money to control my behavior (what I did with my time, how many credit hours I took in college, etc). I responded by moving out. Went in on renting a house with two college friends. Best decision I ever made. Dad immediately backed off. I was far happier being in control of my own life.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Being the oldest can really suck. It seems we always get the short end of the stick, the iron fist raising tactics, and the younger siblings always have more leeway and less rules.

That and you were expected to be a shining example for the younger ones and you are the one that pretty much has to fend for yourself with little or no help at all. Being the oldest child really sucks.

*Nods* Rugz and I are both eldest children, that's why we write down the date and age that Jazzy is allowed to do different things (ie. ear piercings, first sleepover, etc) so that we can be as fair as possible. They respond to different methods of discipline, but the rules and amount of leeway are the same for both of our munchkins.

Younger sibling here. My sister and I are very quiet people, and we are two very different people, so we spent our childhoods staying out of each other's hair as much as possible, because it made both of us feel better about things. We clashed a lot, and now that we're older, we're actually friends! Yay!
Apparently, we each thought the other was loved more by Mom, and told her as such one day-- I remember the scene perfectly. Mom got a bit upset, and told us no, and refuted each of our points proving so. We both responded to different types of discipline, the different standards were actually rewards/ indications of responsibility or maturity (like Teegs was allowed out later than me, for example; or that Mom got along better with me-- but Teegs got along better with Dad than I did, we all had differing personalities. She loves us both equally, but differently, because we aren't the same. ) She did discipline us differently, but that's because I usually responded to spankings and groundings, and Teegs responded to lectures and extra chores. We both got punished, and relatively equally, I might add, all considered.
Now, with both of us out of the house but still on the parental dole, they do their best to give us the same amount of money and leeway with stuff like entertainment and travel-- they try really hard, actually! I found out because I felt bad asking them for money, and Mom explained things to me, and that I should focus on school rather than finances. I get that-- after all, school is a huge drain on things!
Mom and Dad had less-than-ideal childhoods, but in different ways, and Mom's was worse than Dad's. She did, and does, her damnedest to treat me and my older sister differently, better, than the way her mother did for her. So far, it's worked. Yeah, she's made mistakes, but she's admitted them-- I remember incidences throughout my childhood, even as young as four, of her apologizing, and for why. It gives me warm fuzzies. I never really had the "they are infallible" stage, and I respect them, and want them to respect me-- so I behave to standards of decency and morality that they expect and I expect of myself (mostly, when I don't I feel bad...). It's not that I hold every belief they do, but they're acceptable differences.
On topic... Miss_Stress, I agree with what's been said previously in the thread: it's not you, it is unfair, and that your parents were and are inconsistent and it's not right. And, you do have a better life. Better is often more difficult, but is also more rewarding. I do hope your sister gets her head out of her butt, though. Miracles can happen.

[Miss_Stress]

The whole situation is getting worse. She went up to my fiance yesterday and told him I was infertile (while I do have PCOS, I have never once claimed I am infertile, and my fiance is well aware of the potential fertility problems PCOS can cause), and that I was lying when I told him that there was a chance we could have children. My mother was present also, and when I protested to her, she told me to grow up.

What hope is there, seriously? She's just told my fiance a load of lies in the hope of causing trouble, and I get told to grow up?!

[CaroPhoenix]

I haven't chimed in yet, but I am now. You really have to get out of there and pronto! When are you and fiance getting married? Could you push up the date?

Talk to your fiance about what your sister said. I'm sure he'll reassure you about how he knows what she said was a pack of lies, but still ... good to talk about it anyway.

My sister has PCOS. She has 2 beautiful children. I have all the symptoms of PCOS (but none of the cysts) and I have one beautiful child. Have your sister talk to me if she wants to lie about PCOS most definitely causing infertility.

[Miss_Stress]

Thanks, Idrinkarum. I know a few women who have PCOS and they have had children also (in fact, I know a couple - the male is type 1 diabetic like my fiance, and the female has PCOS, they both have the same names as us, and they had children!), so I know for a fact that PCOS does not automatically mean infertility. My doctors have never once said I am infertile, they have always said that there is no way of knowing anything until we start trying for a family. I just think it was a horrible lie to tell, especially when she knew damned well what the consequences of such a lie could be.

[taxguykarl]

You really have to get out of there and pronto! When are you and fiance getting married? Could you push up the date?

Not a bad idea...do consider it.

Talk to your fiance about what your sister said. I'm sure he'll reassure you about how he knows what she said was a pack of lies, but still ... good to talk about it anyway.

If he has been introduced to your relatives, chances are he knows that your sister has a allergy to the truth...at least where you are concerned. It's not unheard of for the dysfunctional to lash out at the functional who dare call them on their ways.

[Seshat]

If PCOS did cause infertility, I wouldn't be bothering with contraceptives!!!!

Edit: 'a certainty that you would be infertile'. It does cause infertility in some women, not in others, and semi-fertility in yet others. My apologies that I was unclear.

[Miss_Stress]

If PCOS did cause infertility, I wouldn't be bothering with contraceptives!!!!

EXACTLY! It can affect your fertility but it is by no means set in stone that you WILL become infertile. Plus, my fiance is under no illusions about the fact that yes, I have PCOS, and yes, it MAY affect my fertility, but it may not as well. It was just a dirty trick to pull, complete with utter misinformation and designed to cause a lot of problems.

[Rapscallion]

If it's brought up, feel free to use a comment I used in a review feedback session.

"With regards to this, X is a liar or deluded, but in either case they cannot be trusted."

It's effective.

Rapscallion

[taxguykarl]

my fiance is under no illusions about the fact that yes, I have PCOS, and yes, it MAY affect my fertility, but it may not as well

I kind of figured that he was aware of the situation.

/"With regards to this, X is a liar or deluded, but in either case they cannot be trusted."

It sounds to me that MS's fiance is already aware of that.

[Miss_Stress]

If it's brought up, feel free to use a comment I used in a review feedback session.

"With regards to this, X is a liar or deluded, but in either case they cannot be trusted."

It's effective.

Rapscallion

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

[Rapscallion]

Apparently the reaction was ... volcanic. Later they tried to claim that their colleagues had laughed at the claim as it was so ridiculous, but I had eyewitness accounts as to the incandescent nature of the response and was satisfied that the point had been proven.

Rapscallion