Relationship advice ...possibly NSFW

[Pony_Boy]

How important is sexual satisfaction within a relationship?

I've been with my wonderful girlfriend for 3 years now The relationship itself is pretty good we have our fights and ups and downs but nothing overly dramatic

I am having one issue however, The sex, while good, isn't as satisfying for me as it is for her. let me explain a bit:

Before getting into this relationship I had a much more adventurous sex life ( always with all safety precautions taken) and I found that I enjoy my fair share of kink

My gf on the other hand is more vanilla in that regard over time we've added a few things but there is no way she would go much further.

Am I just making a mountain out of a mole hill or can this become a bigger problem?

[Becks]

Depends. Have you spoken to her about this?

[Rapscallion]

When you say kink, are you talking about a feather or using the whole chicken?

Rapscallion

[Pony_Boy]

We have yes

The thing is I'm far more experienced and adventurous then she is. After past discussions she has opened up to some new stuff which is great but I dont know how much more we can do without hitting her limits

I know this is hard and complicated to explain sorry if im not making sense

[Dilorenzo]

No, it makes sense. The wife and I have tried to be more adventurous, as I'm a little like you explain above. Try things, consensually, and make it clear that things can be stopped if it makes either of you uncomfortable.

[Pony_Boy]

When you say kink, are you talking about a feather or using the whole chicken?

Rapscallion

Good question - in an ideal world ( to me) we would open up our relationship to a certain degree this is light years off the map for her obviously I doubt theres any middle ground either but I am open to suggestions

[Seshat]

Being blunt, I haven't had sexual satisfaction for years. It's due to my pain condition - I quote "I'm afraid to hurt you".

Despite this, I very much love both my partners, and am very aware that I am deeply loved. And we make a lot of time for touch - non-medical touch. (My condition requires considerable medical touch, as well.)

For me, it's a constant low-level frustration. (In both senses of the word.) But compared to the joy and love I have with my family, it's extremely minor.

[Kheldarson]

Communication is key here. Period.

My fiance and I talk all the time. Including about what we want in terms of sex. What we want to try, what we don't, what we're ambivalent about. We've tried some things, only to reject them. Tried other things, only to like them. And we talk about why we like them, which leads to trying other things.

That's what you and your gf should be doing. And that discussion should tell you if this is going to be a make or break for you.

[Raveni]

Good question - in an ideal world ( to me) we would open up our relationship to a certain degree this is light years off the map for her obviously I doubt theres any middle ground either but I am open to suggestions

There is always middle ground. Have a frank discussion with her. "Middle ground" may be much closer to the present than the "ideal world", but it will be better than it is today.

[Greenday]

Everyone's different. For some people, sexual satisfaction is more important than it is for others. For me personally, it's pretty damn important. Just gotta understand that there are other parts to a relationship that matter to. And if those are great, even if my sexual satisfaction isn't the greatest ever, that's okay.

If your sexual satisfaction sucks so much that other stuff doesn't make up for it, well, you gotta do what makes you happy.

But I'd say have a talk first and keep trying stuff out. She may end up liking stuff and it works out perfectly.

[ArcticChicken]

It depends on the relationship. Though I have to say, if you're asking yourself that question, the odds are that the answer is "yes."

Like others have said you need to talk to her. Find a place you both feel safe, sit down with her and explain that, while she's done nothing wrong, you're not completely satisfied with your sex life. You don't want to do anything she's not comfortable with, but this is what you like, here's why you like it, this is how to do it safely. Is there anything there she might be willing to try? You would, of course, stop as soon as she felt uncomfortable with anything you were doing.

Don't just assume she isn't willing to at least give it a try. My partner's satisfaction is at least as important to me as my own, which has led to me trying some things I never thought I'd be comfortable with (turns out, they're a lot of fun!)

[dragon_wings]

My ex girlfriend was the more experienced of the two of us and she had many kinks. One regret I have from that relationship (it taught me a lot of good things, like don't take someone's bs just cause you have feelings for them) is I let her pressure me into doing a few things I wasn't comfortable with.

As a result when talking to my boyfriend, back when we first started dating, we established a few things that absolutely would not be done (to both of our satisfaction) while not limiting other things.
This time I'm the more experienced and for the time being our relationship is long distance. But we talk about sex in general and what we'll do the next time we see each other all the time. Seriously, we have 3 stand-bys for conversation: music, my job, and sex. *wicked grin*

Talking is the most important part. I hope you get to your happy middle ground.

[Kara]

This is something I know.... very little about. Yes, I was married for almost 10 years.

We were each other's firsts. In my case, she was my first and only. We weren't adventurous, sometimes she'd get frustrated and tell me to do something different. I'd ask her what and she'd say, "I don't know, do SOMETHING." I dunno. It was nice and all, but I much preferred the cuddling and snuggling afterward. I just wasn't as into sex I guess. Maybe someday that will change. I'm told that hormones will make things VERY different for me, so I guess I'll see if that's the case.

[Pony_Boy]

My ex girlfriend was the more experienced of the two of us and she had many kinks. One regret I have from that relationship (it taught me a lot of good things, like don't take someone's bs just cause you have feelings for them) is I let her pressure me into doing a few things I wasn't comfortable with.

This is exactly what I'm afraid of. My girlfriend is some one that would do something that she's uncomfortable with, or doesn't like doing just to not disappoint me. I want to avoid this at all cost since it ruins it for both of us and could cause tension.

Also, to clarify, we have discussed in detail our expectations regarding sex, what's in play vs what's off the table ect The issue is that she hasn't experienced a large variety of things. Every time I ask her if there's anything she would like to try, or if there's anything she's curious about I'm meet with the same response essentially " I don't know...what do you want to do?" So it's up to me to steer this ship.

We've tried reading books about the subject and watching porn together. Those did not go well.


I realize that my posts might make my girlfriend appear to be a prude. This is absolutely positively NOT THE CASE she has a very high and healthy interest and desire for sex. She just has trouble "thinking outside the box"

[dragon_wings]

The only reason I get into that situation is cause my ex was a massively manipulative bitch.
Unless you are an manipulative asshole I don't see that happening.