At this rate, I'll be kicking my parents out of my life again...

[42_42_42]

(((((HUGS)))))

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Give 'em hell, Kara!! Mega-kudos to you for standing your ground and fighting for your happiness

[Kara]

Well, I met my mother this morning at this counselor's office. He was a decent guy, he's a psych professor at the college there and I figured that would probably work in my favor. After all, he teaches about this kind of stuff. And with my mother, it seems to be a textbook argument of nature vs nurture, a topic psych professors LOVE to go on and on about (the way she raised me should have wiped out my natural instincts, basically, is what she thinks).

So we go in and he asks what we want to talk about. I let mom start, and she spends a lot of time beating around the bush and talking about all the stress and everything I've been through because of my case and my ex... and we talked about that a bit. Then he asked if we had anything else, since I was already seeing a counselor and he didn't feel like there was any reason for me to stop seeing her.

I'll spare the details of my mother's arguments, because we've been over them before. But this counselor's opinion amounted to the following:

- There is nothing wrong with me or the way I am.
- My parents did not fail in raising me due to how I turned out.
- I have an amazing support network of friends and coworkers.
- My counselor is not an idiot.
- I am doing things correctly as far as standing up for myself while not forcing or demanding others to accept me. I'm not throwing what I am in everyone's faces, I'm just living my life.
- My parents would do well to talk to a counselor themselves about how to deal with this, dealing with it on their own will not end in a positive way.
- I love my children very much and I AM putting their needs first.
- The pain and misery I've suffered did help to make me who I am today.
- I need to provide resources to my parents for them to read about and understand me better... and the book I left my mom in May? Yeah, "I kind of looked at it," isn't good enough, she needs to READ it.
- She can tell extended family and her friends and whoever else whatever she wants to about me.... when they ask about her "son," just talk about me as she always does for now.
- My parents do not have to agree with what I am doing, nor should I need to have their permission... but it is ESSENTIAL that they accept me.
- Acceptance does not mean they agree with me, but acceptance is the beginning of agreeing.

And yes, this licensed professional who knew nothing about me before we met this morning actually referred to me as "your daughter" to my mom.

After it was over, mom went back to work... later on she told me she was glad we did this thing and that she does feel better. I think she just needed to hear it from someone else. So I'm REALLY hoping she's not going to backpeddle again, but I think we're finally, FINALLY getting somewhere

So I guess we'll see where it goes from here... the next 2 weeks are going to be a whirlwind of court stuff. I'm not looking forward to it, other than finally having it over with so I can truly get on with my life, with my children.

Oh, and my mother even apologized to me for what she told me about how I looked last week. She didn't give me any compliments, but she didn't mean what she said. So that's something

[42_42_42]

I was hoping she just needed to hear it all from someone else! Sounds like this might be the beginning of good things. Keep us posted!

[Seshat]

It was neither fair nor right for your mother to spring the psych visit on you.

That said, it sounds like it may be a turning point for her, in her acceptance of you as you are. If so, it's an unfairness and unrightness that might have been worth it.

Good luck.

[Shangri-laschild]

I don't know how your dad is or how much you've talked to him specifically but as a thought you might want to try to discuss some things without your mom around. She seems to keep going back and forth and if you haven't been talking to him directly much before this, all his information and education may be coming from her during the times when she isn't being ok with it. It may not help with her but it may at least help with him some.

[morgana]

It's all been said already, Kara, so all I can add is hugs and support. Even if your folks never come around, you'll always have family here.

[Ellain]

I'm rooting for you. Good luck!