Is this normal?

[Pixilated]

Good to hear things are improving. Der Cute was right: the only person who can change his behaviour is HIM and I'm glad to hear it looks as though that's happening.

Kara,

*snip*

After 19 years of that, I honestly don't feel like I deserve nice things. Sure maybe a small treat here and there, but never anything big.

*snip*

*snip*

I think the main problem was that - I don't ask for help. As a kid, I did all the housework, yardwork and cooking from age 12. So it's kinda wired in my head to *assume* that I will not have any help. Hubby is a bit scatterbrained, so I do need to ask when I need help.

*snip*

Kanalah, my maternal grandmother was exactly like this. She never felt she deserved anything good and she felt she shouldn't ask for help, no matter what, and heaven FORBID she EVER stand up for herself. My grandfather was a good husband and father, but his family were the inlaws from hell, and he didn't stand up for her (or himself either, but he had a much tougher hide in general) nearly as much as she needed (cultural thing going on here, unfortunately). Like you, she deserved so much better. Once, after she'd had a stroke and he went to get some KFC for dinner, she asked him to bring it home in a plain brown paper bag because otherwise the neighbours would think she was too lazy to cook!

I'm glad to see you are standing up for yourself.

[Dilorenzo]

Hopefully things stay this way Kana. Haven't chimed in here before because, yeah, others were saying it better than I could.

I'll definitely back Jester up on what he said above though - never a picnic. The wife and I have had (thankfully few) epic arguments, and the odd rough patch. Really glad you and the hubs seem to have a way to work this out.

[Kanalah]

Yeah the main problem is me not asking for help. Anytime I asked for help while I was growing up - I was teased and harassed (Why can't you do this simple thing by yourself? You must be stupid!). So I just go to the point where I realized that I can't trust anyone to actually help me and if I want something done, I better just get it done myself.

I think I was 8 when I learned this.

Hubs loves to help, he just don't "see" the things that need doing like I do. Right now he "sees" when the trash can is full and that's about it.

And I hate asking and reminding him because I don't want to be a nag or a bitch about it.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I'm glad this worked out for you. People who don't do the work you (and I) do often really don't understand how much work it really is.

I saw one of these "Wife Swap" shows that was pretty much exactly as you described your situation. The "swapped" wife ended up helping show the husband how heavily and unreasonably burdened his wife was. He had seemed so uncaring and insensitive throughout the show, because he just didn't get it. The swapped wife made him swap the chores with her and do his wife's job.

I remember the man ended up crying and begging his wife's forgiveness because he would have never knowingly made her life that hard. He wasn't a bad guy, he just didn't get it.

Communication is so important!

[Midnight12]

Yeah the main problem is me not asking for help. Anytime I asked for help while I was growing up - I was teased and harassed (Why can't you do this simple thing by yourself? You must be stupid!). So I just go to the point where I realized that I can't trust anyone to actually help me and if I want something done, I better just get it done myself.

this a thousand times this! very much understand that feeling and glad you were able to get the help you needed