How do you guys make friends/relationships

[Canihelpurass]

I have missed out all the school year making friends for ever stages due to being bullied throught my years between 8-17. Now more than ten years later I am alone. Is there any way to reach for new relationships? Been married once, but ended in divorce . Girlfriend after that broke it up just saying sex was good, but she wanted an older man. Found her through work, but now I have no idea where could I meet people? Not really expecting answers, I am just ranting... Life just sucks right now

[taurinejunkie]

I'm also very lacking in social skills, so I'll watch this thread for helpful replies which I'm sure will soon be provided

[Canihelpurass]

Yah, i hope for some replies :/

[thansal]

Well, as cliched as is it sounds: Join a club.

If you live in/around a metropolitan area there are clubs for just about anything and everything out there.

Obviously, it should be something you enjoy doing, and it's worth scoping them out a head of time if you can.

If you are a geek like me, there is likely a gaming club around with designated gaming days. Or check out your local card/comic/hobby/game shop and see if they host events.

If you are more literary inclined, check your library, most have book clubs.

Sports? Those exist (Not that I'm familiar with em or anything).

Musically inclined? Choruses! (So many of my friends do this)


I think it basically boils down to:
Place your self in situations where you are around like minded people, and be your self. Even if you are really introverted, there is likely to be something that you like to talk about/do with other people.

[houdini]

Meeting friends: my advice is to find something you enjoy doing, and do it. Drama - join an AmDram group. Reading - book group. New sport? Do you like old cars? Gaming? D&D? Hiking? Animals? Writing? Creating stuff? Find out what's going on in your area, and join in. Even going down the pub and joining a quiz team is a good way to meet people.

A second brilliant way to meet people (and feel good, and boy does it make you feel good) is to volunteer. I helped with a variety of groups for years, and I really got a lot out of it. One of my best friends was 94 and I met her through the group, and I still miss her today. Find out what's in your area, who needs help, and if there's anything you can do - even helping someone shop for an hour, do some small repairs, have a cup of tea and a chat. It gets you out, makes you talk to people, and makes you feel a bit more connected.

Also, chat boards (like here). Don't underestimate the amount of friends you can meet through forums, and there are forums for everything. It also means you're not exposing the real you to the public However, on the flip side of that, walk away if it's not suiting you. The internet can be crap, and there's no reason to put up with it if you don't have to.

Relationships: haven't a clue. My husband was a long-time friend; one of my friends has had success with an internet dating site, another met her boyfriend through a drama society, another was a friend of a friend. The only thing I can suggest is don't go looking for someone. From what I've seen, aiming to find love only makes things worse; just go out, have a good time, and accept every friend you can - one of them might link you to someone else even if they're not relationship material themselves.

Hope that helps a bit!

[Canihelpurass]

Literature/ geekness and horror Movies is my thing. Sadly this Leads to my last girl leaving: she didn't like the fact i liked horror Movies . I just think thats stupid well, maybe I'll check out the library when I get the courage

[csquared]

Do volunteer work.
Join a club. Learn a new hobby, model railroading, RC cars, knitting, quilting
Take a class. Learn how to make pottery, welding, auto repair, jewelry making
Take up Tai Chi, Kendo, Karate.
Join a bowling league.
Learn ballroom dancing.
Join a choir.

These are ways to get out and meet people. You'll have to take it from there.

[Canihelpurass]

i'll have to try something... i am just too nervous right now to follow your great advice.. i guess i just have to try to get myself by the neck

[houdini]

Sign up for something, post what it is and when, and we'll ask if you went. If you didn't, we'll poke you until you do go.

...nicely, of course.

[Canihelpurass]

You have some advice for Taurinejunkie, as well?

[Mytical]

I would be a hypocrite if I made suggestions about finding/making friends. I am as socially backward/awkward as they come. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet, go up, and introduce yourself. You will get rejected..it is part of life. Remember though..even when it comes to friends (and not romantic relationships) you can get 99 rejections..but it only takes one friend to have a start.

[tech_monkey]

While not for everyone, if you like camping/medieval reenactment there is The SCA, which would be the place that my fiance met my sister who introduced us. Since i have joined i have made a few new friends, and the local group is very friendly and will be glad to help with garb and tents.
They have a myriad of activities. Arts (anything performance based) and Sciences (anything you can drop on your foot), Chivalrous fighting (put on armor and beat people with a stick) light fighting (lighter armor but you poke people with a foil instead of a stick), Archery, some groups have equestrian (heard the group that does it near me is practically doing real jousts).
A&S is where i spend most of my time (other than service aka volunteering at events). My fiance and i made glass and pewter necklaces for her bridesmaids and are making Silver and nickel boutonnieres for my groomsmen. Anything you can think of could potentially be an A&S project, from Armor to Wine making. The events usually have a feast associated with them, and are quite yummy.
There are groups that play all over the world, and the ISS was home to a group for a time.

[Mishi]

Same advice goes for taurinejunkie. He's pretty shy and nervous too, so needs to be prodded and reminded to do things as well. Speaking of which... *pokes with a long stick* Commence the recommended research, both of you! You don't have to commit to anything, just have a look at what is out there. Once you've talked yourself into going; be polite, friendly and fairly quiet until you've figured out how the various people in the group react. Be a bit more friendly and relax a little, push away the nervousness for a few moments and organise to do something with your new aquaintances. Works for Rugz, and he's well known for being antisocial.

[telecom_goddess]

I went through the same thing in school, being bullied, and I never did learn how to make friends easily. BUT while I am socially awkward I do try my best. I joined the grange hall in the area and THAT thrust me in to a social arena that's occasional so it's not overwhelming. I've also met a person here and there from online forums.

As for relationships I met my ex husband when I called a radio station to talk to someone else I knew and got him instead.... later relationships definitely came about from online encounters, the old style chat bbses.

[Canihelpurass]

Sadly, the SCA does not have locations anywhere in Europe, it sounded interesting. Well, I must continue searching then