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I feel guilty and angry about this but I guess it's time that I bitch and maybe you guys can offer advice?
As you know, there is a recession on. It's hit my parents hard. Maybe harder than I may have realized. But.
Little over a year ago, for Easter, mom asked me to buy candy. She would pay me back. I said ok, fine. Then it wasn't just the candy. It was all sorts of things, and that she would pay me back when Dad gave her some extra money. Then Dad went to the hospital, and we lost the family business. My parents declared bankruptcy for the second time in their lives. They're humiliated, obviously.
However. They made it a point not to ask my brother and I for rent money or anything, even though I offered to pay them $xx/month to help when this whole affair started. They shrugged it off. They refuse to ask for help from anyone, from family, from the government, even though we're looking at losing the house by September if things don't change.
Every day is a constant barrage of complaining and poverty talk and "I want this but can't afford it, I need that but I'm too poor", etc, etc, etc. When my parents declared bankruptcy for the first time in the late 80's, they lost everything then. House, car, the fancy lifestyle and had 2 young children. Somehow they picked themselves up and dusted themselves off; but that did not change their mentality. I remember the eating out 3-4x a week, I remember getting fancy clothes, I remember getting fancy toys. I remember the jewelry and going out to antique shops and buying things. And now, when they are past retirement age and don't have the advantage of time to pick themselves up and dust themselves off, their mentality still hasn't changed and they cry poor. I hoard money, I refuse to spend it, I feel extreme guilt when spending it, even if it's on something that may better my life/Etsy shop or something that I need or have wanted for months. I work extremely hard for the not even $8/hour I make at work. I pay 3/4 of my salary towards school loans and medicine/chiropractic bills and the rest I keep.
My step-grandmother (my deceased grandfather's second wife; was like my grandmother to me since my real one died before I was born) died in October and ever since then I have heard "We're going to get some money from her!" I say my parents will get less than $100, mum's step-brother is a tightass and has already wreacked havoc and found the hidden stashes of money in my grandfather's house, since grandpapa didn't believe in banks. The will is split 8 ways and I have no idea what will happen. I know my parents expect to get a nice big slice of the pie and I say they will get less than nothing.
I've been asking about when they will start repaying me the money they owe me but I keep hearing "We have none, sorry. We are not trying to screw you over, but we have none, we can't afford brakes or oil for the heater or xyz". I calculated what they owe me and left them a note saying "You owe me $yyy, I want to discuss a payment plan, you are not going to get another penny from me until you guys start paying." I got an angry note saying "We owe you $yyy? Ok, Ms. Smarty pants, you now owe us $ZZZ. Per month. It's time you learned the real world." $ZZZ is the price of a really nice two bedroom apartment in my area. I told them "no fucking way. You guys aren't getting a penny from me for that." And I have been whined at ever since that I MUST pull my own weight and help them with their debt. And "once we get your step grandmother's money, things will turn out better, you will be paid."
Oh ho ho now. Let's see. You feel you are entitled to my tiny retail salary and a piece of my brother's just above poverty line income to "help" you guys with your overwhelming debt; a debt that you guys have inflicted on yourselves by not heeding the warnings of 30 years ago. And you have the nerve to have told me "we will never charge you rent"; but the moment that I refuse to give you guys a penny and request you start paying me back; you turn around and give me shit that I owe you money because I ask for my money back?
Fuck you guys. No. And yet I'm starting to realize just in how much shit we're in. My dad refuses to raise the rent on his apartments even though the tenant upstairs is a right bitch and likes to use more than her fair share of resources; we could lose the house, we could lose the dogs and I could end up on the street. Then what the hell do I do?
(Edit: I know I have to leave the household before anything changes; but I need more money to do so to begin with. My student loans and medicine payments eat 3/4 of my income and the rest I keep for myself to buy food or clothing with. Can't buy a car since that requires substantial savings, and I don't have enough money hoarded yet to afford car and insurance and gas and maintenance; nevermind moving out and buying an apartment. Yes, I'm working on finding a second job to make that dream easier and I may have one lined up.)
As you know, there is a recession on. It's hit my parents hard. Maybe harder than I may have realized. But.
Little over a year ago, for Easter, mom asked me to buy candy. She would pay me back. I said ok, fine. Then it wasn't just the candy. It was all sorts of things, and that she would pay me back when Dad gave her some extra money. Then Dad went to the hospital, and we lost the family business. My parents declared bankruptcy for the second time in their lives. They're humiliated, obviously.
However. They made it a point not to ask my brother and I for rent money or anything, even though I offered to pay them $xx/month to help when this whole affair started. They shrugged it off. They refuse to ask for help from anyone, from family, from the government, even though we're looking at losing the house by September if things don't change.
Every day is a constant barrage of complaining and poverty talk and "I want this but can't afford it, I need that but I'm too poor", etc, etc, etc. When my parents declared bankruptcy for the first time in the late 80's, they lost everything then. House, car, the fancy lifestyle and had 2 young children. Somehow they picked themselves up and dusted themselves off; but that did not change their mentality. I remember the eating out 3-4x a week, I remember getting fancy clothes, I remember getting fancy toys. I remember the jewelry and going out to antique shops and buying things. And now, when they are past retirement age and don't have the advantage of time to pick themselves up and dust themselves off, their mentality still hasn't changed and they cry poor. I hoard money, I refuse to spend it, I feel extreme guilt when spending it, even if it's on something that may better my life/Etsy shop or something that I need or have wanted for months. I work extremely hard for the not even $8/hour I make at work. I pay 3/4 of my salary towards school loans and medicine/chiropractic bills and the rest I keep.
My step-grandmother (my deceased grandfather's second wife; was like my grandmother to me since my real one died before I was born) died in October and ever since then I have heard "We're going to get some money from her!" I say my parents will get less than $100, mum's step-brother is a tightass and has already wreacked havoc and found the hidden stashes of money in my grandfather's house, since grandpapa didn't believe in banks. The will is split 8 ways and I have no idea what will happen. I know my parents expect to get a nice big slice of the pie and I say they will get less than nothing.
I've been asking about when they will start repaying me the money they owe me but I keep hearing "We have none, sorry. We are not trying to screw you over, but we have none, we can't afford brakes or oil for the heater or xyz". I calculated what they owe me and left them a note saying "You owe me $yyy, I want to discuss a payment plan, you are not going to get another penny from me until you guys start paying." I got an angry note saying "We owe you $yyy? Ok, Ms. Smarty pants, you now owe us $ZZZ. Per month. It's time you learned the real world." $ZZZ is the price of a really nice two bedroom apartment in my area. I told them "no fucking way. You guys aren't getting a penny from me for that." And I have been whined at ever since that I MUST pull my own weight and help them with their debt. And "once we get your step grandmother's money, things will turn out better, you will be paid."
Oh ho ho now. Let's see. You feel you are entitled to my tiny retail salary and a piece of my brother's just above poverty line income to "help" you guys with your overwhelming debt; a debt that you guys have inflicted on yourselves by not heeding the warnings of 30 years ago. And you have the nerve to have told me "we will never charge you rent"; but the moment that I refuse to give you guys a penny and request you start paying me back; you turn around and give me shit that I owe you money because I ask for my money back?
Fuck you guys. No. And yet I'm starting to realize just in how much shit we're in. My dad refuses to raise the rent on his apartments even though the tenant upstairs is a right bitch and likes to use more than her fair share of resources; we could lose the house, we could lose the dogs and I could end up on the street. Then what the hell do I do?
(Edit: I know I have to leave the household before anything changes; but I need more money to do so to begin with. My student loans and medicine payments eat 3/4 of my income and the rest I keep for myself to buy food or clothing with. Can't buy a car since that requires substantial savings, and I don't have enough money hoarded yet to afford car and insurance and gas and maintenance; nevermind moving out and buying an apartment. Yes, I'm working on finding a second job to make that dream easier and I may have one lined up.)
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