Why don't I just give up?

[Kara]

Just finished bawling my eyes out, and now I'm feeling mopey and ranty.

So the sweet, wonderful, awesome guy I started dating in April told me he's just not ready for a relationship right now. As much as I can respect that, as much as i don't want someone doing something they're not ready for, and as sweet of him it was to not want to tell me this because he didn't want to hurt me (/fail, btw), that kind of information would have been really great to know before I seriously started thinking he had a lot of potential.

My track record for relationships just plain SUCKS. So far I have had:

- crushes on people who are way out of my league
- quasi-relationships with people who didn't feel the way I did about "us"
- a relationship that could have been something amazing, but I reminded her so much of a close friend who died so she couldn't stay with me.
- some guy who bought me a drink, kissed me, and never fucking called me after I gave him my #
- right person, wrong time (this one seems to be a recurring theme).

And there was the only significant relationship of my life, my ex. And we all know how that worked out.

Why can't my heart be content to be alone? Why do I feel so compelled to risk rejection or heartbreak in the hopes of finding that special someone? Why do I fall for people so goddamn hard and fast? How many more times can my heart be broken before the damage is permanent?

I don't want to be alone, but relationships just don't seem to be my thing. Why can't I just say enough is enough and be done with it?

[ArcticChicken]

I'm sorry Kara.

[charred]

I don't really know you, but I have been following your posts for a while.

There is nobody who is out of your league.

Your hard work will pay off, just keep it up.

[firecat88]

*huge, squeezyhugs* Why don't/cant you just give up? Two reasons. First, because there is too much awesome and too much love in you for you to not share it with someone. Second, because giving up isn't you. We've all seen it. You've gone through some pretty horrible stuff, had crap thrown at you in such amounts that would send most people fleeing in terror, pushed through all of it, and have come out better for it.

Those past relationships? From where I'm standing, the problem was with them. Not you.

[Seraph]

I don't really know you, but I have been following your posts for a while.

There is nobody who is out of your league.

Your hard work will pay off, just keep it up.

Agree with this. If anything, there are people who Kara is out of THEIR league for.

Karabear, you'll find someone! You're pretty, smart, funny, and totally badarse (which, imo, shouldn't be allowed to exist all at one time! LE GASP), someone will eventually be darned lucky to be your wuffles.

[PepperElf]

and as sweet of him it was to not want to tell me this because he didn't want to hurt me

Personally I don't think that is sweet. In a way it's actually selfish of him.

You've only been with him since April... so it makes me wonder just how long he's known he didn't want more.

Telling you right away would have hurt you a little - and made him feel bad. So instead of that he chose to let you think your relationship was going somewhere, let you build up some dreams and hopes. ... when you could have been out there finding someone else.


Sometimes I think the "didn't want to hurt you" line is really because the person didn't want to deal with the guilt.


All I can suggest is, take some time to yourself to get to know yourself again. You don't have to start dating right away, don't even need to look. Maybe do something you couldn't do with him that you really want to do.


It's not "giving up" but rather... taking a break.

[Kanalah]

I second Seraph.

It just means that there's someone truly awesome and good enough for you out there that you haven't met yet.

[Food Lady]

The answer to all your questions is "....because you're me?"

[KiaKat]

Oi. You give up and I follow through on my threat of asskicking.

Though at my height it's more like ankle-biting.

Either way. No giving up. Not allowed.

[Cookie]

Oh no. Kara I'm so sorry. Please don't give up. Anybody would be DAMN LUCKY to have you. If they're too stupid to realize it, their loss.

[Pixilated]

Personally I don't think that is sweet. In a way it's actually selfish of him.

You've only been with him since April... so it makes me wonder just how long he's known he didn't want more.

Telling you right away would have hurt you a little - and made him feel bad. So instead of that he chose to let you think your relationship was going somewhere, let you build up some dreams and hopes. ... when you could have been out there finding someone else.

Sometimes I think the "didn't want to hurt you" line is really because the person didn't want to deal with the guilt.

All I can suggest is, take some time to yourself to get to know yourself again. You don't have to start dating right away, don't even need to look. Maybe do something you couldn't do with him that you really want to do.


It's not "giving up" but rather... taking a break.

Seconding Pepper Elf here. He should've said something a lot earlier in the game rather than let it go on until you obviously had an investment in the relationship and he ... didn't.

I also second Pepper Elf's suggestion that you take a break (NOT give up!) on relationships for now and get to know yourself. You might want to spend some of that time thinking about what you want in a relationship and partner -- without the distraction of either.

Meanwhile, all I can offer is

[Der Cute]

Pixelated and Pepper Elf are who I agree with. Right now I'm in a ginormous change in my life - and I've decided to not date for awhile. Because I want to consciously use my brain power to work on myself, not work on self and romance.
That DOES take some self control, and I'll admit it, I get lonely. Oh GOD I do. But I feel like I need to get a few more things ironed out in me, and I'll start it up again. (plus I'm still kinda getting over my ex..other issues in there).

You have had an ubershitload of stuff in the last 12 months. Do you think maybe you could chill with the romance for awhile?
And cookies and hugs.

[Kara]

I've been completely alone for 18 months. There was a guy online but it never amounted to anything. I can't stand it, I just can't. I'm not going to just go after just anyone, but I guess I just have a need to have someone there.

I don't want to be alone anymore.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Why do I feel so compelled to risk rejection or heartbreak in the hopes of finding that special someone?

Some people wish they had the courage to take those risks.

[MoonCat]

Kara, look at it this way. How does that saying go? You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. And if you settle for the wrong one, then when the right one comes along you might not be free to be with him.

I know you don't want to be alone. You have a lot of love to give. It's just that it takes time, and I know that sucks. I wish I had more advice to give but I will offer hugs and good wishes!