Questions about long-distance relationships

[Andara Bledin]

Find an online venue in which you can "hang out" for dates. There are literally dozens of free games and venues in which you can both have avatars and just do things together within.

Hell, you could start your own private Minecraft server and build yourselves a nice little world to hang out in.

And, as others said, the key to any relationship is communication. More-so for relationships where you don't have full body language and facial expressions to rely upon.

Good luck!

^-.-^

[Kheldarson]

Oooh....Minecraft dates are fun!

Now that my classes are over, I need to start doing that again with Kabe...

[Moirae]

Moirae's story is almost identical to my own!!!

It can work I'm from Canada, my fiance from New Hampshire USA. He and I communicated via Facebook, email and skype (we met on Yahoo in 1998.) After being serious since 2006, with many visits in-between (but usually only one a year) we got engaged10/10/2010.

I moved here to NH 2 weeks ago We're getting married next Wednesday on 12/12/2012

Wishing you both all the best!!!

Yep. It was about once a year for us too. One time we went a year and a half and I actually quit my job when they wouldn't let me take three weeks to go see him. I found a new job within three days after I was back from this visit so it wasn't a big deal.

And yes, as another poster said... the passion you feel for each other... because it comes out only once a year or so, it will be incredibly intense. Just being able to touch each other will feel like your skin is on fire. Intensely passionate and romantic.

If you can last, this will be unlike any relationship you have ever had or ever will have again. While it's true that no one will ever understand you like your family, this is something different. Because of the deep conversations that you will be forced to have, you will develop an incredible trust, and probably loyalty, in one another.

I have to be honest, I don't think I could ever do this again if something were to happen (here's hoping it never does) because of the emotional connection. My husband has said the same.

In June, we will have our 7th anniversary. Here's hoping it's 60 or 70 more years.

Before him, I always thought all those songs about love were imaginary. Now I understand.

[MaggieTheCat]

One thing that my husband and I did when we were still doing the LDR thing was read to each other. We would each buy a copy of the same book (or you could borrow one from your local library) and take turns reading chapters out of it to each other over the phone (or Skype, etc.) We played a lot of WoW back then, too.

[bhskittykatt]

Kabe and I would write and roleplay.

I forgot about this. Hubs and I would do correspondence roleplay over email. Sometimes on the phone as well.

[JoitheArtist]

I've got another date for Saturday! Going to be reading poems via Skype: nothing too serious, just short, fun ones. Can't wait!

[Kheldarson]

Kewl! Hope you have loads of fun!

[Andara Bledin]

If you want fun, short prose, and you don't already know of him, you can't go wrong with James Thurber. His stories are wonderfu. And as for poems with a good dose of the silly, then Ogden Nash is your poet.

^-.-^

[JoitheArtist]

Second date was a lot of fun; it ended with planning the third date (will involve Christmas presents: SO excited!)

My main problem right now is trying to break decades of bad mental and emotional habits. Some are just part of how my brain is wired (doubtful of my own worth, always wanting reassurances, etc.) I'm a lot better about those than I used to be; I still feel them, but I can recognize when they're counter to reality, I've talked some of them over with my guy, and he's given me reassurances. I don't need to run to him for an ego boost every time I start to feel afraid. This is a BIG improvement on my first relationships. It helps that I know he's unfailingly honest; until he says otherwise, I can count on his feelings being what he's said they are.

But then there are the mental and emotional habits that I built up to keep myself sane during the 12 years between relationships. Those years were nothing but rejection and manipulation; I learned how to convince myself that no-one could want me, how to kill romantic feelings that I had because they hurt too much, etc. Now I have to unlearn all of those, and it's a real bitch. I know I can do it, but combine that constant fear (of making a wrong move and losing him, even though I *know* it's silly) with a long period of making mistakes and finding my way...it's not pretty.

I dunno if I'm even looking for advice at this point; I know that I just need to keep trying, and communicating, and it'll be ok in the end. I'll learn.

It's just tough.

[Kheldarson]

Just keep talking with him, Joi. I don't have the issues you have or the severity, but I have a lot of self-doubt and a lot of desire for attention. That's one of the things Kabe and I still work on with me. It just takes time to build into a stable relationship that helps you rise above it. Mostly.

[Lady Legira]

I dunno if I'm even looking for advice at this point; I know that I just need to keep trying, and communicating, and it'll be ok in the end. I'll learn.

It's just tough.

Keep talking. It might hurt sometimes and sometimes it won't be pretty but once you get past those points it gets a little easier. Note I didn't say it gets easy but nothing is achived by hiding. Keep saying when the painful bits come "this will pass and happier days are ahead." (You won't alway believe this, I know I don't some days when my anxiety is bad)

So why can I tell you this. One you follow my twitter and may have caught the fact I'm trying to deal with my anxiety that's being caused by unresolved grief. Two I'm also in a long distance relationship. It only 150 miles but that is huge went neither of you can drive (I've never learned and don't think I'd be safe anyway and boyfriend has epilepsy so bad he will never drive again).

There have been rough patches when his depression has caused him to try and push me away but he told me that could happen and I talked to him and basically told him it was the depression talking (actually I said something slightly different but it was the same thing) because he had major trust issues due an abusive relationship but he's slowly beginning to realise he doesn't have to do certain things when he feels he done something wrong, he just needs to ask me "was this the wrong way/approach/thing to do."

The day he does one thing without asking me if it ok beforehand I will throw a party! seriously though I've got him to ask me once or twice now instead of the 15-20 times he used to do.

Don't judge yourself too harshly if you've having a bad day just tell him and he'll most likely say "it doesn't matter, we are all allowed bad days." I know mine said that to me the other day when I apologised for being a terrible mood.