Funniest Thing A Customer Ever Said To You?

[Ironclad Alibi]

What is a biro? I never heard the term.

It's what the English and Australians call a ballpoint pen, after the inventor László Bíró.

[workerbee222]

One robust woman was in having her wedding gown altered. She was told that a properly fitting undergarment may support her well enough to eliminate the need for many costly alterations by lifting her womanly parts. Would she like to try one?

" Sure," she said. "Jack 'em up to J***s, I say!"

She later treated us to her impression of the contestants on America's Next Top Model doing the runway walk.

Some of them make it worth coming in to work in the morning.

[gremcint]

ink pen as opposed to gel pen

[crashhelmet]

I heard this one tonight

"I've done everything with this modem except stick it up my ass."

CH

[Plank]

I was once at the cinema and I got freshly minted £1 coins for my change. a £1 is normally a dull, yellow colour and these were so shiny they were nearly silver. I asked:

"What are these shiny tokens?"

The cashier replied:

"Your change"

My best mate was stood behind me and heard the whole thing, I'll never live it down anyway, so I guess I don't mind you lot knowing too

[ShadowTiger]

Heard in passing from an Old man:

"Are you a truck?"



I'm reeaaally hoping he meant to insert a word after truck.

[Can I have a cheeseburger]

A young woman at Starbucks:

"Do you sell coffee here?"

I really, really wonder what she was expecting.

It was also very common to get customers ordering certain Tim Hortons or McDonalds products there. I once had someone order an Egg McMuffin.

[Dentarthurdent]

One day a woman asked me, "These things don't turn upside down while we are riding, do they?"

I just smiled and told her that that only happened on the special New Year's Eve cruise when the giant tidal wave was released. Her husband got the joke and cracked up. She looked really confused.

That's hilarious. You should have mentioned the complimentary Christmas tree ladder offered on said special cruise...

[Greatscott]

hopefully it works this time

I'm new to the site been reading awhile but this one caught my eye i had actually forgotten about it.

A customer at the toy store i was the assistant manager to was hanging around after closing I was in the back closing out the registers that weren't being used for the rest of the night while leaving the other cashier out on the floor. My associates told me there was a weird guy on the sales floor when i came out to shoo him away as we were closing. The SC was a very dirty man in both appearence and in the way he spoke, he was dodgy as he knew were were trying to get rid of him but he would attempt to interrupt us by asking things or attempting to tell really unfunny dirty jokes (also fairly offensive to the all female staff i had on that night but they were ignoring what was being said thank god) when i finally got my words in edge wise and kicked him out he turned and made sure i got this nugget of joy,

"Just remember don't accept any wooden wands!!"

and after that he was gone
leaving me thinking there was some odd prophesy to this mad mans words or something i had no idea where that came from if anyone has heard that line from something that he may have been quoting it would be nice but it was completly out of no where.

[Greatscott]

thanks

Thank you ^_^ i hope to post more often ive got my share of crazies at the store im at now that i have to be to in 15 minutes so that will have to wait ^-^;;

[Green_Fairy]

a customer that we asked to never come back, came back and, after arguing with us said...
"i don't even know why i came here!"
~~
"so is your coffee good here...?"
i reeeally wanted to say no, but...i can't...cuz it's so tasty
~~
"so, is there milk in your lattes?"
*le sigh* "yes. yes there is."

[xaenon]

I remember when Woolworth's was 5¢ & 10¢...

I vaguely remember woolworth's.

[mamawork]

Sanitizer is dirty! Oh, and when working at KFC, a lady cried when I informed her that we had a one-minute wait on chicken strips. When I offered her a chicken breast instead, she burst into tears, saying, "I just didn't want to have to deal with bones today!" She took the breast though, because she didn't want to wait the then 20 seconds for the strips to come up.

[Imogene]

(at a Dollarama)

Customer: How much does this cost?
Me: A dollar.
Cus: ...and this?
Me: That's a dollar as well, everything's a dollar.

I vaguely remember a prank call pulled by some radio station I have since been forced to forget, where the DJ pretended to be an older man, called a Dollar store, and started asking the prices of everything, eventually including the price of condoms, and, when the associate sounded confused by his asking about his name for condoms, he started rapid firing really terrible slang at her for the word penis...

One man, after swearing at me, asked "Why do you need my **** birthday?"

Me: So I can send you a **** birthday card.

Fixed that for you...

"I've done everything with this modem except stick it up my ass."

"... Do... do you think that'll increase your reception? Do... you shove things up your ass for fun? Heh, I said 'Do-do', yes, I'm mentally 5."

[SuperRTL]

I love Halloween

October 30, take 1

SC: I need to have a costume for a party tomorrow night. Do you think I can make a renaissance style dress by then?
Me: No.
SC: Well, what if I glued it?
Me: . . . are you actually planning on wearing it?


October 30, take 2

SC: I need a fairy costume.
Me: well, we're a little low on the adult patterns but they're fairly simple to adjust to the right size
SC: Oh, well, I was hoping to not use a pattern
Me: Ok, we have some great shiny fabrics in our costume collection, and some good prints in the silkys.
SC: Cool. Do you know of a simple way to make a fairy costume without a pattern? I don't really know how to sew
Me: . . . there's a costume shop across the street
SC: Oh, but I wanted to make it myself

October 31
SC: But why are you out of the black sequins?
Me: Ma'am, because it's Halloween. We're out of just about everything.
SC: But I don't need them for a Halloween costume, I'm making clothes for my nieces who work as strippers and don't want to pay $100 for those skimpy clothes
Me: Well, we get trucks on Tuesday. There should be some then. I'd check back on Wednesday.
SC: They want them for work tonight. That's why I need the BLACK sequins.
Me: . . . The Walmart down the street sells fabric