Rumors at work....

[xcaptainhowdyx]

I took a vacation day and came back to the rumor that I'd been fired.

Had a weekend off and came back to the rumor that I had quit.

The most recent one was that I was going to change job titles.

Otherwise people see me and think that I quit, but it's because I changed departments.

That's with my current employer.

My previous employer was pretty much that I slept with every girl I talked to.

[JustADude]

My previous employer was pretty much that I slept with every girl I talked to.

Daaaaaaayum, yous a PLAYA, dawg!

Sorry, I had to.... I apologize... I'll go back to my sewer now...

[xcaptainhowdyx]

actually a reformed player...I'm getting married in less than a year...so yes that means I did sleep with some of the girls that worked at my previous employer, but not all of them...not even the ones some former coworkers would swear I slept with.

[Jester]

1 - my australian accent was made up to get girls, and
2 - i was an american from, of all places south dakota.

My roommate is from Estonia, and while his English is excellent, he has a very thick Dracula-type accent...and he tells everyone who asks that he is from "sweet home Alabama." If they press him for where, he just says "Birmingham." Actually once convinced some ditzy chick FROM Birmingham of this. Amusingly, he has never even been to Alabama.

Did you know that I'm apparently dating and / or sleeping with and / or f*cking: one of my fellow servers, one of the front desk guys, one of the maintenance guys, one of the security guards, the bartender at the beach bar, one of the room service guys, the pool guy, the head of sales AND the concierge?

No wonder you never seem to get any sleep.

And this, boys and girls, is where I run quickly in the opposite direction from RW, as she will undoubtedly be chasing me with a large blunt object....


Rumors....oh, where to start. Oh, the girls I have slept with at work......so many of them. But for some reason, my coworkers always picked either my friends or (worse) women that I wouldn't fuck with a stolen dick. (Thank you George Carlin!)

I actually often said to some friends of mine at a previous job, "It's amazing that, considering all the wild stuff I HAVE done in this town, all the rumors about me hear are so completely off. You would think just once they would actually get it RIGHT." Then one day, finally, they got it right. But that was the exception, not the rule. And yes, my actual life was for more entertaining than the lameass rumors they spread about me.

Also, at many jobs, and with many people, I have been considered gay. For some strange reason, though, no one who has ever met me in a sports bar while watching football has ever accused me of this or even thought this of me. Let's just say that Jester + alcohol + sports + testosterone = very loud dude that no one would think is gay. As I told someone once, "I'm a Raiders fan. I don't think we're allowed to be gay!"

Let's see, what other rumors were there....I'm sleeping with my "niece", I'm sleeping with the resident crack whore, I'm gay, I'm on drugs, I'm on lots of drugs, I have a criminal record, I'm bisexual, I have kids, I have lots of kids, I've gone skinnydipping with a famous movie star (okay, that one happened to be true... ), I'm a drug dealer, etc., etc., etc.

Probably the funniest (and most embarrassing) situation that ever arose because of rumors when my best friend Neets and I both worked at an upscale brew pub in Scottsdale. Because we are close, and because we talked a lot, and because we kissed on the lips (a friendly peck, nothing more, and even her husband doesn't care about it, thank you), we were obviously a couple. This became so prevalent that Neets finally started introducing herself to new staff in the following manner:

"Hi, I'm Neets. This is Jester. He's my best friend. No, we're not fucking."

Yeah, Neets is about as shy as I am.

[Becks]

Ooooooh, I can not wait to go back to work next week from my nearly three week vacation. I wonder how many times I'll hear "I heard you quit/were fired!!!"

And I bet I'll still be a slut.

Yay! I'm a lesbian!

In a man's body?

[Rapscallion]

I've gone skinnydipping with a famous movie star (okay, that one happened to be true... ),

Who was he?

Rapscallion

[Jester]

Who was he?

Guy by the name of Rapscallion. He wasn't nearly as impressive naked as rumor would have it.....

[Rapscallion]

I hear he gets waterlogged.

Rapscallion

[CancelMyService]

I'm waiting for the rumors to start where I work, there's a guy who's like the walking playa stereotype who's always going out of his way to talk to a certain female supervisor.

Its one of those deals where you're pretty certain nothing is happening, but you'd totally believe it if someone told you there was.

That reminds me, I don't know if I should be offended or not at the fact that despite me always talking with female friends in high school and mostly to female co-workers, I've never been accused of having sex with anyone. I'm about to be all "WHAT, IS IT THAT UNLIKELY?!?!?"

[Primer]

The biggest rumor about me is that I am a lesbian. I don't wear make-up, and men's clothes are cheaper, more comfortable, and more durable than women's. I can't count how many female students have hit on me! One of my best (bi) friends even told me, "Primer, you just exude testosterone!"

[AnqeiicDemise]

Two weeks after the husband and I moved into our new apartment, I was seen eloping with romantic rendezvous with a burly, baby faced man. I was having an affair and was going to LEAVE my newly made husband. O.o

That died down after our old roomate yelled at the busy-body neighbors with the fact that I had a new job and I was CARPOOLING with *A woman*.

So now I'm just the closeted lesbian from down the stairs.

[Lusorius]

Heh, let's see.

From the workplace: I didn't really get divorced, I had her killed. (Unf., she's still very much alive)

I've not only had affairs with various women, but two women from the same office at the same time. (I wish!)

My female coworker and I are having sex in her office. (Because we're friendly, and we like to avoid my boss-from-hell as much as the next person.)

The reason my boss is such a bitch is because, in spite of the above, I WON'T sleep with her.

My favorite:

I don't really work here, I'm actually a HS plant spying on everyone. Because I'm "too smart" to work in Government. (Actually, I really like the flexible daily schedule, M-F only, and tons of benefits. Plus being able to read this website at work )

Oh, and supposedly I dated Sandra Bullock, because she's from this area.

Ok, I made that last one up, but the rest are true

[Jester]

Oh, and supposedly I dated Sandra Bullock, because she's from this area.

There is a rumor around here that I danced with and did magic tricks for Sandra Bullock.

It just happens to be one of the few rumors about me that happen to be true.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Now that one of our meat cutters has quit, it seems as if Butt-Head can finally have me to himself.

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I've seen homeless people with better personal hygiene.

[Becks]

I don't wear make-up, and men's clothes are cheaper, more comfortable, and more durable than women's.

I'm like that, too.

Biscuit, I get hit on enough without makeup on, I'd be scared to death to see what happens if/when I have makeup on.

I need to be held.

Oh, and women's clothes suck. Hardcore.