Staff member dies and they don't even care

[Gurndigarn]

Didn't mean to start a thread all about death, it's a little depressing I think.

I think I was a bit stunned because when I found out she'd passed away, I was thinking 'But I just spoke to her yesterday - how can she now be dead?'

Well, that's life.



Seriously, death doesn't usually come on a schedule. You will have times where that happens.

A co-worker once told me that I need to drink a wheelbarrow of cement and 'harden the hell up!'

No. Appreciate the fact that you have whatever sensitivities you have, whether overly sensitive or more on the stoic side. The sensitivities we have are part of what makes us human. Now, if death (or anything) affects you too much, to the point where you're having trouble functioning for a long period of time, that's when you need to find out how to deal with it. But experiencing a bit of shell shock the first time someone you actually know dies is not all that uncommon.

[protege]

When my grandfather passed away, my very first reaction was to think "Finally. At least his suffering is over."

That's how I felt when my grandfather died in 2001. He'd been sick the previous few months after a stroke, and wasn't going to get better. While undergoing some tests, his doctors found that he had cancer. Already weakened from the stroke, the cancer was spreading. Fast. That was around Thanksgiving--by Christmas, he was gone. By then, he was dealing with unbelievable pain...so it was a blessing when he passed away. He's at peace now. While all that was going on, I didn't shed a tear. I knew it was coming, only a matter of when. However, when I touched his hands at the funeral home, they were like ice. all the way home.

He's buried just outside of Cleveland. My employer didn't give me a hard time at all when I took 2 days off for that.

[Jester]

My father and my mother's parents are buried in New Jersey.

Those are the only three reasons I ever feel a need to go back to New Jersey.

[blas]

Also Commi my dear, something to keep in mind:

Death affects each person differently. Some of us are able to continue on within a day or two. Some of us take weeks or months or even years. There is nothing wrong with you being shocked and feeling sad about it. It's completely natural.

That's why grief groups exist. A bunch of people can get together and tell stories and grieve together.

There are certain people that I can't really talk about their death, and those I can. I can talk about my grandpa, because he died when I was 3. I don't remember him at all. Even pictures don't bring back memories. My great grandpa, well, I hated him. I still feel a sort of hatred towards him, but I still grieved over the loss when he died. But I can freely talk about him and my dad's dad.

I can't talk about my cousin's death very often. Often times, if I go any further than saying "Her boyfriend choked her to death and hid her body under a bed", the tears well up and I can't stop sobbing for several minutes. It has been 8 years and I still can't think about it without crying. Hell, I welled up a bit when I typed this.

Don't worry about what people think. It's just what makes each person unique. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things, especially death. It's just as natural to grieve and take longer to do it as it is to get over it within a few days.

[DistantStar]

I think we were all relieved when my maternal grandfather died; he'd had Parkinson's for seventeen years, and the last few years were pretty bad. Sure we were all sad, too, but honestly it wasn't a surprise and we were relieved that it was over.

The worst part is that one of his two daughters, my aunt, now has it. And we all know what's coming eventually unless somebody performs a miracle. But you just keep going. She's doing really well right now, there are a lot more options for treatment than there were when Granddad was diagnosed.

Concerning workplace deaths, when I was at WM the wife of one of our greeters died. There were cards passed around, cash collected, all of that. And that poor man was back at work in something like four days. I wanted to tell him to just go; if he needed a job to keep him busy there had to be something better to keep his mind occupied than being a greeter. He was a sweet man. I wonder if he's still there.

[Jester]

Concerning workplace deaths, when I was at WM the wife of one of our greeters died. There were cards passed around, cash collected, all of that. And that poor man was back at work in something like four days. I wanted to tell him to just go; if he needed a job to keep him busy there had to be something better to keep his mind occupied than being a greeter. He was a sweet man. I wonder if he's still there.

Sometimes returning to the normalcy of your regular life is the best thing after a traumatic event, actually. It is not just a matter of keeping busy, though that is of course part of it, but a matter of being surrounded by familiarity. And if he liked his job, well, there could be that too. Just because you weren't impressed with the job of a greeter doesn't mean he didn't like it. Different strokes and all.

[Nakajo]

I work with my ex-boyfriend, and he disappeared from the work place not too long ago. I don't talk to him much for obvious reasons.

One of my sups pulled me aside and told me he was in the hospital... didn't really tell me why.

The first words out of my mouth: "Well, that doesn't surprise me! He doesn't take care of himself!"



I'm a bitch.

I worry... but a teeny tiny part of me really hopes he OD'ed or is in a diabetic coma.
YES, ladies and gents, he does coke, weed, and has diabetes. A real winner that one was...

But I don't wish death on him... hopefully he can learn from this situation...

We all care here. Even me.

A little.

[DistantStar]

I just think that sticking a man who just lost his wife of 40+ years at a door in all weather with very little to really do is cruel. It's true that I hated greeting, though I didn't mind covering for a while, but I honestly think that WM shouldn't hire people to do nothing else. It's mind-numbing, and not in a good way.

I also think it's cruel to make people be back at their jobs, whatever they may be, just a few days after a death like that, unless they honestly want to be there. I don't blame WM for that alone, but how functional can somebody be under those circumstances?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

We have a service desk employee who had cancer a while back, but went through treatment and seemed to be over it.

Yesterday she came into the store and said she had 4 weeks to live. The cancer came back and is spreading all over.

Damn.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

A co-worker once told me that I need to drink a wheelbarrow of cement and 'harden the hell up!'

You co-worker is a clueless dick.

[Rapscallion]

Sometimes returning to the normalcy of your regular life is the best thing after a traumatic event, actually. It is not just a matter of keeping busy, though that is of course part of it, but a matter of being surrounded by familiarity. And if he liked his job, well, there could be that too. Just because you weren't impressed with the job of a greeter doesn't mean he didn't like it. Different strokes and all.

Also, the alternative is for him to be at home, likely alone, surrounded by reminders. Depends on the person and how they deal with such things.

Rapscallion

[Jester]

I just think that sticking a man who just lost his wife of 40+ years at a door in all weather with very little to really do is cruel. It's true that I hated greeting, though I didn't mind covering for a while, but I honestly think that WM shouldn't hire people to do nothing else. It's mind-numbing, and not in a good way.

Yes, WM hires people to do this....but the people they hire hire on knowing full well what they'll be doing. It's a two-way street. It may be cruel for WM to have such a position, but no one is forcing these people to apply for nor work in said position. So you can't just blame the employer here.

[workerbee222]

I suspect whoever the sup is at WM determines what sort of deal you get. I had worked there for three weeks when my dad died. The only thing that was ever required of me was to keep the front end manager updated about my "intentions." When I told her I needed a three days, that was okay. When I called a day later and said it would be a week instead, that was okay, too, just keep her in the loop.

As to the greeter who returned to his job: sometimes folks feel better by returning to functioning in society. If he'd been there a long time, some of the regular customers may have kind words for him.

[Misanthropical]

This spring, one of the women where I worked died suddenly from a heart attack (she was only 35 years old) and there is still a shrine to her on her old desk. She was well liked.

The company shut down the phones on the day they found out she died and the employees sat around and talked about what a great person she was. She is still very much missed around there.

[Jester]

A friend of mine (who wasn't a coworker) several years ago died when she got run over by a mail truck. That sounds kind of funny when you say it (yes, it really does), but that is actually what happened. She was driving at 6 am or so in the morning, and a mail truck ran over her little econobox car, killing her. She was only 19. She was a great girl, always pushing me to do better with my magic, and when I heard that news later that day, I kind of went off the deep end. I can't remember if I was scheduled to work that day--I don't think I was, but if I was, I got out of the shift. And went about drinking. Heavily. I actually said to one of my bartender friends at her bar, "Marce, I am not allowed to leave here sober." She complied. To her credit, she only charged me for one or two of those (several) drinks. Actually found myself crying (literally) on the shoulder of a hardcore tattooed friend of mine that night (who later would end up taking his own life). Very un-Jesterlike. Ask RW if she's ever seen me cry.

And I know, I know....drinking doesn't help the problem. No, it doesn't. But it DOES give you an outlet for pain and some numbness, and I needed both that day. Drowning in a bottle that night was far preferable to me than dealing with the reality of what had happened.

Rest in peace, L.C.A.