Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[edible_hat]

I'm not allowed to:

-play with the inflatable plastic boobs that come with the latest issue of Ralph magazine.
-play with the set that go with the copy my co-worker bought
-wear the inflatable boobs
-not even as a hat
-take photos of people playing with/wearing the inflatable boobs
-try to trick co-workers or customers into thinking my coworker who is wearing the inflatable boobs had a boob job.

[fireheart]

I'm not allowed to:

-play with the inflatable plastic boobs that come with the latest issue of Ralph magazine.
-play with the set that go with the copy my co-worker bought
-wear the inflatable boobs
-not even as a hat
-take photos of people playing with/wearing the inflatable boobs
-try to trick co-workers or customers into thinking my coworker who is wearing the inflatable boobs had a boob job.

Genius. I'm surprised that none of my coworkers have bought it or play with it and we actually sell it at work!

EDIT: Oh and by the way, for those who bothered to read my post, the boobies mentioned were lost at sea as well....

[edible_hat]

Genius. I'm surprised that none of my coworkers have bought it or play with it and we actually sell it at work!

My (female) co-worker bought the last copy after somebody bought the second-last copy and I said "I see they found the missing boobs". We only got 4 copies for some reason.

[Animae]

I am not allowed to tell the customers that Christmas blend is made from ground elves.
I am not allowed to call my flying monkey, monkey in front of my district manager(my manager however is perfectly fine with this).
I am not allowed to fill the whipped cream containers with water and charge them, then use said container as a squirt gun.
I am not allowed to make my male co-workers squeal like little girls in front of the customers.
I am not allowed to torture the newbies. '
I am not allowed to stack all the dirty dishes that my morning crew leaves scattered around the store with a sign that says "animae is not your mother, your girl-friend or your maid, clean up after your own damn selves" on the back desk.

I am not supposed to give the bitchy customers decaf.

[reasoned-unreasonableness]

(from when i was a dishwasher)

have epic sword battles with dragons during downtime
use the ice machine as a punching machine when the ice is stuck
powerslide through the kitchen area when they finish moping
have a conversation about rock stars being possessed my satan when they play while a customer is two feet away
keep the slightly broken beer mugs(but i can keep the bottles)
accept a drink while picking up the recently emptied beer mugs
draw on customer's food boxes when they order for pick up but are taking to long
and finally, challenge co-workers to a pepper eating contest 10 minutes before lunch hour starts

[fireheart]

A belch is not an acceptable way to answer the break-room phone.
Even if I'm certain it's for me.

What about over the intercom system? That would be hilarious!

Also for me:

I am not allowed to call customers to my coworkers registers when they have nothing to do
And I am also not allowed to crack bad jokes over the fact that a customer stole a chicken wing...(i.e. "he was feeling "clucky" wasn't he?")

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

And I am also not allowed to crack bad jokes over the fact that a customer stole a chicken wing...(i.e. "he was feeling "clucky" wasn't he?")

I would say "I guess he tried to wing it!"

[fireheart]

No nicknaming the registers at work.
This includes writing on them with pen, pencil or a sharpie.

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

I'm not allowed to...

-Swear when customers are within hearing distance (mainly for the benefit of the child'ens; we tend to bend that rule a lot)
- Talk about anything sex-related within hearing distance of the customers (also bent a lot, especially when my co-worker wanted my opinion on some KY her sister had bought her)
- Talk about booze when customers yadda (constantly bent/broken; I got invited to a brandy party on my way out the door the other day)
- Classify New Outside Guy as a crossdresser even though he likes wearing skirts, dresses, fur, leopard print, and isn't bothered by said classification in the least
-Do slutty booty-poppin'/pole-dances with the brooms (co-worker breaks this ALL the time)
- Run through the kitchen, at least not since Supervisor-R did that, fell, and got his head all bloody.

[Diablo]

Working as an engineering intern for the US Army....
After my first week I was called into my bosses office.
Seems I was to
1) Not to do anything more than use my computer for surfing the internet or playing solitaire.
2) No porn sites
3) No gambling sites

Seems that within my first 5 days, I had completed the work they had planned for me to do for the next 2 months. I literally was paid to surf the internet 40 hours a week. Good pay...literally soul crushing boredom.

[edible_hat]

Not allowed to put "Put me away please!" signs on deliveries that have to be put away, especially if they're to be put away by the manager's brother and have been sitting there in a walkway for 2 weeks.

[nomorecarts]

No nicknaming the registers at work.
This includes writing on them with pen, pencil or a sharpie.

the unloaders did that with all the pallet jacks

one was "*name's* woman" so people could say they were using "*name's* woman"

[edible_hat]

Boxes marked "DO NOT CUT WITH SCISSORS" are not to be cut with chainsaws either.

[Kagato]

-Not permitted to drink half a litre of blue food coloring before a urine test.
-Also not permitted to drink half a litre of red food coloring and scream while performing said urine test.

(Ok, so these aren't mine, or things I've actually DONE, but I figured I'd put them down since a number of workplaces have random alcohol/drug testing these days, and most people that read the list this came from that I know of cracked up laughing when reading these 2 >_>)

[Animae]

I'm not allowed to pile all the morning peoples dirty dishes up in a pyramid on the back desk with a sign saying "oh look! we're dirty!"