Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[Food Lady]

1. I shouldn't say, in front of my boss, that I'm going to go work for the competitor, once the store is built. Even if I'm kidding.
2. When asked how I like our new building, I musn't respond, "Makes no difference to me. I still don't get paid enough." Even if it's true.
3. It makes customers uncomfortable when I point out how ironic it is that I work here and am a vegetarian.
4. When asked for a sandwhich recommendation, I shouldn't respond, "X sandwhich, without the meat."
5. Not allowed to point out food safety issues to coworkers. They get irritated at correction.
6. I have to stop suggesting people deep-fry a block of cheese, just to see what happens.
7. Probably shouldn't sing in my fake opera voice, just in case a customer comes in and hears me.

[fireheart]

My manager is not "the British-looking one."

(I honestly don't know WHERE that one came from. Chalk it up to a brain fart from uni.)

[edible_hat]

I have to stop suggesting people deep-fry a block of cheese, just to see what happens.

That reminds me, when the CSRs in the fast food joint next door (part of the same business) ask me for another barrel of oil, they mean cooking oil not motor oil. (There's very little storage space on their side, so a lot of their stuff is store in our store room)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

• If the radio is on while we're stocking, not allowed to pick it up and hold it over my head if "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel comes on.
• Because I'm not John Fucking Cusack, after all
• And my co-workers may be getting a tad creeped out.

[guitardude1987]

Not allowed to yell "Heil Hitler!" whenever my manager tells me to do something.
Not allowed to answer the drive through intercom in German.
Not allowed to melt Styrofoam cups in deep friers.
Not allowed to reprogram the register to print "Help Me" where the restaurant name should be on the receipt.

[Lyger]

- If a piece of furniture must be put in the trash compactor but it is too heavy to fit through the door, I should not break the furniture with a sledgehammer.
- Nor should I tell my co-workers how much fun I'm having breaking said furniture with a sledgehammer.
- When a co-worker asks to swing the sledgehammer, I am not allowed to say "only if you swing it at the district manager," no matter how funny everyone finds it.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Not allowed to yell "Heil Hitler!" whenever my manager tells me to do something.

And that reminds me . . . .

I probably can't get away with making monkey noises at Cheetah or throw bananas at him when he's in the mood to rearrange the backroom.

Or give him the Binky that's been laying on Mouth Almighty's desk for 2 years (the one that has our Coke driver's name on it.)

And I might not be able to get away with putting Butthead on a leash and walking him through the backroom and leave him tied up to one of the bunkers.

Or shut him up in the freezer to cool him off.

Oh well . . . back to the ol' drawing board . . .

[Andara Bledin]

I am not allowed to hunt down the jerks who leave their dirty dishes in the sink for other people to clean up after them.

^-.-^

[fireheart]

My manager is not James Bond. (I think that's where the brit comment came from )
Or Captain.
Of Chef.
So stop using those terms, address him by his name and get your butt on the register!

No yelling at the nightfillers for various things.
The nightfillers are not insane.
Even if they are.
Not allowed to yell heads if I'm heading out back for any reason.

I can however, yell "Incoming" if I'm passing the endcaps/cheese fridge to ensure that when my coworkers turn around to grab cheese that they don't get beaned by me wielding bins or trolleys.

[ArenaBoy]

No you may not act like the drill instructor from Full Metal Jacket and yell at the interns or the new people.

Betting pools are not allowed to see how long into the job our new campus editor will start smoking. Even if said position has a history of making people take up smoking.

I can't have a pool in our office.

Nor a surround sound system.

Or a hammock.

Even if I claimed it would be good for morale.

I am not allowed to swear in German.

Even if our editor is German and taught me said swears.

[fireheart]

Despite the fact that yes, we checkout staff do get pissed off from time to time, we cannot have the following in the lunchroom for stress relief:

-A punching bag.
-Dartboard.
-alcohol.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Despite the fact that yes, we checkout staff do get pissed off from time to time, we cannot have the following in the lunchroom for stress relief:

-A punching bag.
-Dartboard.
-alcohol.

Clearly, your company has given up on winning one of those "Best Places To Work" awards.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Special Lawn And Garden Edition:

• When outside watering plants, I am allowed to wear a baseball cap with the store's logo on it.
• However, I may not wear it with the bill backwards.
• Or with the bill to the side.
• Front of cap goes on front of head.
• Because I am not a drug dealer or a pimp. As far as management knows.
• Thus I am not to refer to myself as the Potentilla Pimp, and the customers in lawn and garden are not johns.
• And my watering wand is not my pimp cane.

[edible_hat]

I am allowed to make a rubber band ball, but I'm not allowed to throw it at people.

[crazylegs]

Suggesting innovative and interesting uses for a defib is not allowed.