Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[TawnyMyst]

I am no longer allowed to tell crews that broke their power to stop turning the g-d valves or I will kick their a** on the radio channel that is recorded. I am allowed to tell them that on the non-recorded channel or in person, however.

I am no longer allowed to tell the guys that their wives like me better than them, even if it's true.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

The word "karaoke" is pronounced "kara-okey" or "carry-okey".

Not "croaky-okey."

So stop asking where the croaky-okey machines go, dammit.

[fireheart]

This list comes from my new store...

-I am not allowed to sing Avenue Q songs on the front end.
-I am not allowed to drum like a maniac on the front end.
-Because there are 10 registers at this store, as opposed to 21.

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

I'm not allowed to have a full hip flask on me or drink from it.

Unless it's tax season.

[SuperDan]

-I am not allowed to sing Avenue Q songs on the front end.

But... but... next time someone pulls the race card on you it would be so awesome to bust out in a rendition of "Everyone's a little bit racist!"

[Racket_Man]

I am not allowed to dangle bits of shinny aluminum foil or crumbled up paper in front of the new shifty as he is easily distracted

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

The song goes "All I want for Christmas is you."

Not "All I want for Christmas is booze."

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

"Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out" is not an appropriate method of winter sidewalk maintenance.

Don't describe the outside weather conditions as being "booger-freezingly cold"

Or "testicle-shatteringly cold."

There is not a Christmas song called "I Saw Mommy Kissing Tiger Woods," and I should not attempt to write one.

[fireheart]

There is not a Christmas song called "I Saw Mommy Kissing Tiger Woods," and I should not attempt to write one.

What about I Saw Mummy F***ing Tiger Woods?

as for me...

-I am not allowed to hijack the PA system and play Tim Minchin's canvas bag song over it.
-I am not allowed to even SING the song.
-as a matter of fact, I am not allowed to sing "Confessions" either (also by Tim Minchin, it has 3 parts to it, with a short chorus declaring his love for boobs in between)

[DGoddessChardonnay]

There is not a Christmas song called "I Saw Mommy Kissing Tiger Woods," and I should not attempt to write one.

What if I triple-dog-dare ya?

[fireheart]

-Neither myself, or the nightfill manager with a sense of humour, are allowed to jump in the Barrel of Water cases, so we can pop out and scare members of the public. (Water cases=boxes with goonie bags filled with water inside. This week someone built them up in a brick alignment to look like a tower or a barrel)
-Or to scare our training manager.

-I am not allowed to sing The Twelve Pains of Christmas on the clock.
-I am not allowed to run from work to my bus stop screaming Freedom!
-The rump cuts we sell are not the remains of the workers who cause trouble.
-Or the customers.

[RestaurantDude]

...

It's "Happy Holidays" not "Joyus Chrismahanakwansika"

Not allowed to shoot rubber bands into the hanging light fixtures

Not allowed to shoot rubber bands at the bar tender's head

Not allowed to wait for one of my coworkers to go into the restroom then run and flick the restroom light & fan breakers off
...Unless there are no customers around.

Not allowed to mock the customers.
...Unless out of earshot.

Not allowed to "just fake it" if you forget who's leftovers are who's. (this one wasn't me)

Not allowed to... well... basically, if it sounds fun, it would probably go on this list.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

When stocking little baby girl dolls that come in display boxes by taking them out of the box and shoving them on the shelf, do not shove them in all manner of random positions, and then tell everybody there's a lesbian clusterf going on in the baby dolls aisle.

[fireheart]

From my sister's birthday party:

-I am not allowed to steal my sister's iPod and hijack it with Avenue Q songs. (it's a 4GB Nano, but she has plenty of space on it)
-I cannot hijack it with Tim Minchin songs either.
-No matter how tempting it is.
-I cannot fill balloons with water and throw them around the yard.

[JoitheArtist]

Irv: perhaps this song would be allowed?

http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/song...ackson/2378029