Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[catcul]

When someone asks if anyone needs to use the vacuum cleaner, I'm not allowed to say, "Sure, I could use a little sucky sucky."

[YamiNoHime]

When someone asks if anyone needs to use the vacuum cleaner, I'm not allowed to say, "Sure, I could use a little sucky sucky."

Did Kit hack your account?

[catcul]

Did Kit hack your account?

Doesn't this site have enough room for two perverts?

[Ironclad Alibi]

Doesn't this site have enough room for two perverts?

Are we down to two?

[catcul]

Are we down to two?

I'm sure we have more, but Kit-Ginevra and I are the most active ones AFAIK.

[AkaiKitsune]

I'm sure we have more, but Kit-Ginevra and I are the most active ones AFAIK.

Trust me, you two are not the only ones.

[catcul]

Trust me, you two are not the only ones.

The pants are not “optional”

I see what you mean. It's too bad I'm not allowed to ask for pictures while on the job.

[catcul]

I'm not allowed to grab people by the back of the head and yell, "WHAT THE F DOES THE FEN SIGN SAY, AHOLE?!?!"

[YamiNoHime]

On days like that, I refer to my family mantra, "Limited Bail Money"

[catcul]

Despite the fact that he collects naughty people using steel restraints, I'm not allowed to call a member of law enforcement "Officer Krampus."

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Tell people "have a nice day," not "enjoy your next 24 hours."

[YamiNoHime]

Despite the fact that he collects naughty people using steel restraints, I'm not allowed to call a member of law enforcement "Officer Krampus."

How about Office Krupke?

[catcul]

How about Office Krupke?

It's better than calling him Barney Fife.

[AkaiKitsune]

Tell people "have a nice day," not "enjoy your next 24 hours."

But doesn’t “have a nice DAY” imply that you hope they get what they deserve come nightfall? So doesn’t that fit customer service much better?

The grinch is not the Christmas mascot. I am not allowed to use the old cutouts from a previous Christmas Champaign to make it look like the grinch is peeping into anywhere. No adding a Santa hat does not excuse the grinch left in the bathroom.

I am not allowed to put the elf on a shelf in positions that “compromise store integrity” even if they are only in places the staff go and everyone else thinks it’s funny.

[AkaiKitsune]

I'm not allowed to grab people by the back of the head and yell, "WHAT THE F DOES THE FEN SIGN SAY, AHOLE?!?!"

Which could also be reworded to “I must not actualize my fantasies on staff or customers.” To be fair upper management doesn’t have the brain cells to spare and you can’t harm what isn’t there in the customers.