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Corporate buzz words that piss you off

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  • #46
    Quoth eltf177 View Post
    Win-Win Situation - No such thing, folks!
    Sure there is. Just not the way most people use it. It doesn't mean both parties win. It means no matter what happens, you get something you want. Usually though, it applies to large corporations who have the money to force results.
    Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

    http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

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    • #47
      cycles...


      as in "Do you have cycles to do that?"

      grrrrrr...


      and also a less minor one, but bugged me when i worked there... @ gateway we didn't have customers, we had clients. Doesn't bug me as much now tho.

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      • #48
        Quoth protege View Post
        They're all "part-time people" now
        What are they the rest of the time? Small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri?

        Quoth eltf177
        Win-Win Situation - No such thing, folks!
        There is so! Like when I offer my honorary nephew $5 to do some small job that would be painful for me to do. I get to be out of pain, he gets money towards his shiny geek-gadgets.

        Win-win.
        Seshat's self-help guide:
        1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
        2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
        3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
        4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

        "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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        • #49
          Quoth Seshat View Post
          What are they the rest of the time? Small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri?
          As long as they're real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri!
          I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
          My LiveJournal
          A page we can all agree with!

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          • #50
            "Unprofessional"

            Our old tyrannical manager would throw that word out anytime he didn't like something, like guys with long hair. I guess you're allowed to have a dick or long hair, but not both.

            Apparently long hair on a guy was "unprofessional", but screaming at us publicly and threatening our jobs because of a power outage was not.

            Thankfully, someone higher up in the company had the good sense to fire his ass. Wish it hadn't taken them five years, though.
            Sometimes life is altered.
            Break from the ropes your hands are tied.
            Uneasy with confrontation.
            Won't turn out right. Can't turn out right

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            • #51
              before I had left for second semester of school, my manager was trying to implement some new terms to use.

              1. Flavor Buddies - Normally when we check the ice cream if some of it was in another container we would say there was "Cross Contamination." My manager said that this gives our customers the wrong idea.

              2. He also wanted us to say "Towel"instead of "Rags."

              I wish him luck knowing that his attempt will mostly fail.
              "Oh, by the way..." All of my HATE

              Ou kata nomon = Not according to the accepted norm

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              • #52
                Quoth Geek King View Post
                Huh, we always called them Staff Helpers in Training. That stopped when the camp director decided to use acronyms (that we used in private anyway ).
                We had those too. But, towards the end of my time in captivity, we also had FUCKS -- Future Users of Camp Knowledge. That went over well with the boss when he heard about it...
                Aerodynamics are for people who can't build engines. --Enzo Ferrari

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                • #53
                  Quoth Geek King View Post
                  Huh, we always called them Staff Helpers in Training. That stopped when the camp director decided to use acronyms (that we used in private anyway ).
                  Whenever I see your post, I can't help but think of the picture I attached of the "super hero in training". There is one picture floating about where it had the acronym on his shirt, but I can't find it.
                  Attached Files
                  Answers are easy...it is asking the right questions which is hard.

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                  • #54
                    Quoth MadMike View Post
                    Our old tyrannical manager would throw that word out anytime he didn't like something, like guys with long hair. I guess you're allowed to have a dick or long hair, but not both.
                    How about a long, hairy ... um, never mind.

                    Rapscallion

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                    • #55
                      Quoth Saydrah View Post
                      "giving an incentive might initiativize the department to move forward on this."
                      Ow! *winces* Damn, that hurt my grammar cortex!
                      "I call murder on that!"

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                      • #56
                        I'm getting very tired of the word "quality." This is a pity because I'm employed as a "quality inspector" on the assembly line.

                        However, it's a good thing that quality inspectors have the quality assurance people to back them up. Otherwise it would be too much pressure on us. This way you have someone looking over your shoulder when you need them.

                        Should the quality assurance people find something wrong with a quality inspector's work, they'll report in their quality log, which is kept in the quality lab, in easy access of the quality manager. You might get asked, if a problem is found, why you didn't check the quality plan kept at each machine.
                        Drive it like it's a county car.

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                        • #57
                          Guest is one of ours. The popcorn-dropping, drink spilling, mobile phone playing, movie talking so-and-sos wouldn't be guests in my house, I tell ya.

                          We are team-members, not employees. For a while we were cast-members.

                          Projectionists are technicians.

                          Public areas are on-screen, employee only areas are off-screen.
                          "I can tell her you're all tied up in the projection room." Sunset Boulevard.

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                          • #58
                            "Branding" makes me want to harm people. People in suits.

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                            • #59
                              Quoth cinema guy View Post
                              Guest is one of ours. The popcorn-dropping, drink spilling, mobile phone playing, movie talking so-and-sos wouldn't be guests in my house, I tell ya.
                              http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/re...?date=20060208
                              I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                              My LiveJournal
                              A page we can all agree with!

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                              • #60
                                The term "team member" is especially famous in Australia for being used in one particular store (hardware, green aprons).

                                If you are shopping in this store, instead of hearing announcements such as "Could all available employees please go to the registers?" you hear "All available team members - please go the registers".

                                Last time I checked, working in retail was not the same as playing football... which brings up the use of sporting analogies. Should I "pass the ball" on to other CS members to talk about this?
                                Last edited by matty; 01-19-2008, 04:50 PM. Reason: typo

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