Corporate buzz words that piss you off

[Speez]

From my last few jobs:

Customer Shopping Experience
Complete Customer Journey
The Total Package Experience
Service Plan (I got in trouble for saying "Extended Warranty")
Customer Needs Fulfillment (Since when is having a blu ray dvd player a 'need'?)

Etc etc... acronyms and specifics that got old:

ALP (Ask Listen Personalize)
PSP (Performance Service Plan)
DPEN (Dollar Penetration, or margin)
NOP (No idea, but i know it has somethign to do with marginable to non-profitable item ratio)
And finally: The North Star [Journey] (points to all you red boxers who get this one)

You wouldn't believe it. if those terms were on corporate bingo I'd win 5 times in per morning meeting.

I can tell you worked at ccity...."Ask Listen Personalize" "Dollar Penetration, or margin" and "North Star", lol i'm sick of hearing this stuff

[cinema guy]

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/re...?date=20060208

I saw that. I contemplated putting it up in the break room at work and then decided I better not.

[ArenaBoy]

Patron. Just a way for a lowly parking department to sound fancy. It annoyed me hearing it on the radios.

[RetailWorkhorse]

"Dollar Penetration"

Oh my DOG!

[PorkChop]

"Plus Sale!"

Corporate wants us to harrass customers when they come up to the counter if they want something with their order. EX: Pack of smokes, you want a lighter? Coffee, you want a doughnut or newspaper. Soda, you want chips?

Ick, I hate our motto. "What else do you need?" Need? There is nothing in a convenience store you need! Majority of our stuff is crap. Junk food, alcohol and smokes. It should be "What else do you want?"

[Knightmare]

*sigh*

I REALLY do not miss working in retail. I had flashbacks while reading these posts. So lets see if I can remember some from my RadioShack days.

Be H.O.T. the AAA Way- I forgot what that means, but it has to do with asking about accessories with the sale

Visualize- Visualize the sale! Visualize your customer's enjoyment! etc.. bogus


Shackie - what our DM called us. Actually, it's what our CEO called us one time on a company wide fax, and the DM stuck with it. For 2 years. Ugh.

As for buzzwords at Lowe's... I didn't care enough to remember them. I just did my job and left.

Thank God at the WWTP we don't have these corporate buzzwords they shove down our throat.

[Kiwi]

DPEN (Dollar Penetration

wow...just wow, that HAS to have come from a man!

[cinema guy]

They've come up with two new ones at the cinema:

"If you've got time to lean... you've got time to clean."

and

"Less flirting, more working."

[Boozy]

The word "utilize" is currently giving our VP a hard-on.

I guess he thinks "utilize" is exactly two syllables more awesome than "use", regardless of how awkward it sounds in a sentence.

[gunsage]

A little late hopping on this one. I'd assume slogans count, but I'm not sure, so correct me if I'm wrong.

As a stockboy...

"Stop shrink!"

The worst part is nobody had explained what the term "shrink" was. It made me giggle. Of course, I guffawed when I heard of a "shrink prevention team." I was very tempted to ask if they had tried viagra.

As a gas station attendant...

Not so much corporate buzz, but you'll enjoy this...

"Take a penny, leave a penny. Take two pennies, leave two pennies. Take three pennies, get a job!"

Cutely enough, there was a lil 5 year old kid that came in one time saying "So, if I take three pennies, I can have a job?"

I can't remember too many others. It'd have been really great if I was allowed to keep one of my security manuals. Boy, that's some fun stuff.

[Ringtail Z28]

"Guesstimate" it just sounds stupid.

"Synergy", I doubt anyone at my office knows what that means but they still use it.

I'm sure I'll think of more later.

[CancelMyService]

For some reason, we can't call those transactions we do with customers on that phone shaped thing "calls", we call them "interactions". I have no idea why, or what difference it makes. All I know is if someone in management accidently says "call" they react as if they said the other c-word.

What was really funny is they brought these people in from our divison office once to do this sales motivation crap, and it was so full of hokey buzzwords that no one knew what we were supposed to get out of it.

[Mr. Security]

"Free Overtime" my Supervisor's favorite way of trying to get you to do overtime

as in "Can you cover a shift on your day-off, come on it's free overtime!"

Yeah sure it's free overtime except for the fact I would have to cancel all my plans for that day and I wasn't looking to pick up any overtime. Sure doesn't sound "free" to me

[cinema guy]

One person at the cinema has the responsibility of ripping tickets and directing 'guests' to their screens. The position at which they stand at the top of the stairs is known as 'tickets'. This has been changed to 'Geust Service Point'.

[RetailActress]

Stop saying "AWESOME" unless you are describing the Grand Canyon or something equally, timelessly magnificent.

"Awesome" is a stupid and inappropriate modifier if you are referring to a retail store's reaching its sales goal for the day.

Also, stop saying "issues" when you are really talking about "problems."