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"You may hate me for this, but the day I drove home pantsless was the best time of my life!"
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"Who loves not women, wine, and song remains a fool his whole life long" ~Martin Luther
"Always send a lazy man to the angel of death" ~Martin Luther
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My LiveJournal -
I found this in my junk!The original Cookie in a multitude of cookies.Comment
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"You came in too late. I was admiring his banana. It's particularly large."
RapscallionComment
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"Is it me, or is that fairy there sucking the toes of the fairy next to her?"
RapscallionComment
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"That's about as close to Heaven as you'll ever get, huh, Irv?"
"Meh. Heaven's where all the boring people go."Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.
"I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost dailyComment
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NSFW so hover over the line(s) below if you want to read mine...
"Working here is like working for Uncle Sam. Just when you get used to being raped up the ass, you find out he just got a bigger dick.""I was only LOOKING, I didn't mean to enter my card's CVV and actually ORDER! REFUND ME RIGHT NOW!!"Comment
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Supervisor: "I have a question for you."
Manager: "I had no idea she was sixteen and I didn't know that was the state line!""Redheads have at least a 95% chance of being gorgeous. They're also concentrated evil." - Irv
"This is all strange, uncharted territory and your hamster only has three legs." - GravekeeperComment
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Male manager out in the hall: "I'm carrying, like, 50 pounds here!"
Female manager in office: "Don't brag!"When you start at zero, everything's progress.Comment
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You should be nicer to us. ... Instead of sending you home glowing in the dark. We'll send you back to your wife in a smoking lead lined box.Comment
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"Yesterday it was therapy. Today it's attention whoring. Also, it's working."
RapscallionComment
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"I keep finding my underwear on the table in the shipping department."
^-.-^Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - DresdenComment
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"So the monks came around the corner like a parade of penguins."
RapscallionComment
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"I think it's an attempt to fish for Prince Alberts."
RapscallionComment
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"It's ebola. She has to go clean the ebola room."Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.Comment
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"I commit acts of fraud here all the time."Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.Comment
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