Workday Phrases of Lore and Legend

[Rapscallion]

"So, what do you think he does with all that piss he keeps taking?"

Rapscallion

[Spiffy McMoron]

"How come all of your plans start with 'So one of us has to die.'?"

[crazylegs]

"If it's stiff, take it home and play with it"
_______________________________

"You know I won't say no!"

[purplecat41877]

Is this a new account?

It's the same one I've always had.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

"How'd you know he has a mole there?"

[edible_hat]

"Do you think he knows the button he just added is completely useless?"
"Yeah, it's probably there to stop the drag shift guys finding the internet connection and looking at porn."

"Psst! Wanna buy some slightly used Pokemon?"

"I almost got Brain Training but I realised it's completely useless to me. No brain to speak of."

[HawaiianShirts]

Pizza Job
Owner's Son: Argh. See? It's overachievers like you that make underachievers like me look bad.


Current Job
Me: Look at this mess, AA. Now what idiot stocked the CD cases like this?
AA: Shh! He'll hear you!
Me: Huh? Oh, that idiot.


CW1: (to me) Hey, how's the gimp?
CW2: HawaiianShirts, with that cane, you seriously look like Yoda.
Me: Think so?
CW1: That's mean!
CW2: No, I really think he looks like Yoda! Like he's about to whip out a lightsaber and start flipping around and go all Jedi on anyone who gets in his way.
Me: Hmm... Clouded, the future is.
CW2: ... Dude!

[edible_hat]

(after a radio ad for "skin application technology" to fight impotence) "You'd need to wear gloves when you use that or you'll get really hard hands."

"I wonder if old people have sex..."
"EWW! Don't say that!"

[scroob]

"let's go get electrocuted!!!!"
"tyler, wanna see my package?" (female voice)

[scroob]

"Hey our female mannequin is naked!" "Well, she is wearing a necklace..."
"What's this cane doing here?" "Some guy left it here." "Well, he couldn't have gone far!"

[edible_hat]

"So the werewolf and the werepig go back to the castle to find the wereass has brought back the werefish's dead body..."

"It's a race! Who will get here on time? My money's on me, but then I'm already here."

"I wouldn't pay that much for box with a fake flower and some ageing chocolates."
"I sold four yesterday, all to men with black eyes."

"Either the Olympics haven't started yet, or they're now including gardening."

[KhirasHY]

"What would you do if I wasn't working here?"
"Be happy?"

"How's my cousin working out, think he'll do ok?"
"He doesn't act like you, that's a plus."

"I thought he was just dirty, but he's covered in blood too."
"Does it belong to him, or to one of the guests?"
"God I hope so."

"Hey, suicide guy came back and paid, and he's ok now."
"Uh...could you run me through that situation again? Why don't we start with 'suicide guy' and finish with 'what in the blue shit are you talking about?'"

"How do you do this job?"
"You'll find hotel work is a combination of service, backbone, grit, bitterness, utter hatred for humanity, and god-willing, eventual psychotic rage that leads you to vengeance at the end of the war, followed by a short, but alcohol-filled retirement until your liver gives out 3 weeks later."
"So...you have plans then?"
"Some."

"Ok, you all sound too much alike, from now on, you have callsigns. Squirrel, Bonzai, Spam Purse, Cheese Sandwich, and you...you are Cloaca."
"What's your name?"
"Dead Meat, what else?"

"I swear to god, if I don't see one good meteor tonight, I'm gonna cry."

[technical.angel]

Dell salesguy "So it has 3 firewire ports on the outside and one on the inside. I don't know why anyone would need firewire ports on the inside of the computer."

Me "Um... a hard drive?"

Dell salesguy "Oh, good point."

Me

[Rapscallion]

"I never knew 'I'm a little teapot' could cause a near international incident."

Rapscallion

[edible_hat]

"He's on the phone."
"How can he be on the phone when you're on the phone?"
"You realise phone conversations have two ends, right?"
"Oh."
"Also there's this phone and the one he keeps in his pants. I mean, you know, mobile thingy. Is it one o'clock yet?"