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"I was threatened with a visitation by Chicago strippers last night. The girl threatening this said she'd do it only if she could watch as well, as she thinks male strippers are icky. It was a very strange conversation."
"My finger is all messed up. And it's my flippin' finger, so that's a problem."
"Maybe the problem just went away...maybe it was the magical sniper fairy that comes and gives silenced hollow point rounds to people who don't eat their vegetables."
"That's how I'm choosing the music for my wedding - web surfing. But we're still not using Dance Like an Idiot for the waltz."
"See, you get cool stuff like that, the tattooed people I know get Megaman and Donkey Kong."
"Rambo III's funnier. In that the Taliban are the good guys."
"Too bad we can't drink at work, I want a beer."
"Me too and I don't even drink beer."
"It's my one vice - drinking. And smoking. Two. Two vices. I never gamble. Except for every Friday. Three. Three vices. I'll come in again. Among my vices are drinking, smoking, gambling, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope."
'You hit me in the boob! With your long rod!'
'It's alright, the skirtwearer buffed me before I came on'
'You're oddly good at using long sticks as weapons'
'BACK IN YOUR HOLE!'
Deepak Chopra says, "Fear deprives people of choice. Fear shrinks the world into isolated, defensive enclaves. Fear spirals out of control. Fear makes everyday life seem clouded over with danger.
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