Job fairs are off-limits

[ShadowBall]

Oh believe me, I know a degree is not necessary to be a success. Some of the artists I admire never got a degree - Jhonen Vasquez was a dropout film student who went on to find fame making comic books and working on an animated television show.

I guess I don't really know how to market myself if I'm not doing it right. I show off my best work, I put stuff in my resume and really try and make it sound as awesome as possible. One thing we were never taught in either grad school or undergrad was how to whore ourselves out to clients. Cartoons are definitely my strong point, but I know everyone and their mother does cartoons and mine are nothing special (and wow, I totally don't remember ever showing my work here. Where was I? )

Just from what I have noticed personally, 99 percent of clients are cheapskates. They want original and professional quality art for pennies. People who want entire ad campaigns and interactive websites for $5.00, or who want to spend $20 for full-color wall murals. I even get turned down from freelance jobs where the client wants cartoon work. I can never find anyone to work for who is willing to pay a fair amount for the work they want done - I'll be damned if I'm going to pour my heart and soul into a painting for $5.00.

I've sort of given up trying to sell myself as an artist because of my complete lack of success with past endeavors, so now I focus more on writing since I get interviews for such jobs a lot more often. I just don't think I'm a very creative person, that's all. Even now, I'm not getting much writing work, so I guess I'm starting to suck at that too.

[Shalom]

My biggest health concern is the tiredness because that is what makes me not want to do anything. Weird thing is it just started happening out of nowhere back in undergrad about three years ago. I just went from getting refreshing sleep to being tired all day long in what seemed like a single night. (snip) The weird thing is none of this gets better when I am not at home. (snip) Some might be due to my weight too.

Some of this sounds horribly familiar. Have you ever been evaluated for sleep apnea? The symptoms can mimic depression (or can accompany depression: just because you've got one doesn't mean you haven't got the other).

Do you snore? Also, is your neck disproportionately large compared to the rest of you? (like me, I have a 16-1/2 stomach and an 18 neck. I wear 17 or 17-1/2 shirts, the front hangs out to there and I can't come close to buttoning the neck.) Both of these are risk factors, or at least markers.

I realize this may be difficult to determine when your female parental unit is controlling the access to medical care. You might check it out yourself, though: get hold of an IR webcam and a clip-on mike. Point the webcam at your pillow, clip the mike on your PJs (or blanket), set it to record and go to sleep. Then review the video and audio in the morning. If you have sleep apnea, you'll see and hear yourself stop breathing every so often, then partially awaken with a jerk, possibly with a snort. If this is the case, you then have documentary evidence to show to the gatekeeper to convince her to let you get proper medical treatment.

(And if she is, as someone else pointed out, so controlling because she wants to be pampered in her old age, you might point out that apnea can make it less likely that you'll be in any condition to do so when she's that age. It might not bother her what she's doing to your health, but if it's pointed out that not having you around will inconvenience her, she might give in.)

[ShadowBall]

I've considered sleep apnea too,but the thing is I don't snore. And my neck is probably a little small compared to the rest of me - I'm about a size 18 in jeans, but I can fit a cat collar around my neck.

And I wake with a jerk at least once a week, but not out of a sound sleep. It happens only when I'm just barely starting to doze off, and not even every time I go to sleep. Once it happens, it won't happen again for the rest of the night.

I guess I don't know if she wants to keep me around to take care of her when she's old because she always said she wants me to put her in a nursing home when she starts to lose her marbles a la dementia. She wants me to have a high paying gravy job so I don't end up like her, which is working the same shit job for 35 years and never ever being out of debt. What she fails to realize is I'm going to have twice as much debt as she had with how my loans will gather interest, so like her, I will always be poor and I will never get ahead financially even if I do get a job that pays more than $7.25 an hour.

I hate to say it, but I almost wish I did have something really wrong with my health just so I could rub it in her face that I am not making up all my health concerns.

[Kristev]

It wouldn't protect you. She'd only change her game to using your disease against you to try and revoke even more of your freedom.

[Andara Bledin]

I'll get out of here one day, but I just don't know what day that will actually be.

Either when you decide that you've had enough and just do it, or when someone else makes that decision for you and you no longer have the choice, most likely.

^-.-^

[draco664]

And as far as my mother forcing me to get a million degrees, she says it's because she wants me to have a "gravy job" where I do next to nothing and get loads of money for it.

If nothing else confinces you that she's living on a different planet, this is it.

Ask her if she would pay someone a fortune to do not much. When she says no, ask her why she thimks someone else would.

[ShadowBall]

Oh I know she's off in her own little world with her own little rules. Believe me, I knew that when I was a little kid.

I guess she thinks art would be a gravy job because it's just something I've done all my life for fun and of course someone had to tell her that I'm OMG amazing and I could sell my art. What she fails to realize is that artists, if they can even get work, don't get paid shit. The average salary for a designer is way below the poverty level. That's if you're GOOD. If, like me, you're just a non-creative artist that likes to doodle, you'll never find a job in art. I've been trying for going on four years - I've had work stolen, I've had people tell me my rate of $5-$8 an hour is too high, I've had people refuse my offer to do charity work, and I've had people run for the hills when I say I have a contract for them to sign (basically saying I will do work and they will pay me).

I'm sure if she ever realizes art is a useless career choice for about 99 percent of everyone who tries to do art for a living, she'll be pressing me to take on more debt by getting a degree in a different major. Because having a million dollars' worth of degrees is apparently a great substitute for total lack of job experience. To her, a college degree on any level in any major = guaranteed job, and if you don't have a job within 12 months of graduation, it just means you need more degrees.

The fun thing is she has read articles before about how most grads cannot repay their loans, how the lender I chose is by far the worst lender to borrow from, and how some people feel they have to leave the country in order to escape their debts and be able to afford to live. She doesn't seem to realize that any of those could or will easily be my future - I'm sure she loves living vicariously through me because she couldn't afford to go to college at my age, but why she can't understand that she is damning me to lifelong poverty is beyond me.

Hope she likes when she loses her house and money because I can't afford to pay for the schooling she made me have. I'll be laughing all the way to the homeless shelter.

[trailerparkmedic]

The average salary for a designer is way below the poverty level. That's if you're GOOD.

No, it's not. It's only well below the poverty level if you take shit jobs like you have been. If you get a full time job at a real company, you will make more than the poverty level. The graphic designer at my husband's company charges $90/hour for her freelance work, and she makes a good salary that allows her to have a nice middle class lifestyle.

You need to rethink work. You need to get to a decent sized city with a strong design presence so there are multiple jobs. Sell your coins for a bus ticket. See if your boyfriend will road trip you there. Whatever you need to do. Get an internship and work some jobs (real jobs, with paychecks, not $5 design shit that won't get you anywhere, like retail or fast food) on the side. Network like crazy--find meetups. Go to professional organization meetings. Dress nicely, talk to everyone & exchange business cards. You can make cheap business cards by printing 6 to a page on heavyweight paper, like card stock. Hubby uses cards he made like this for his freelance work, and gets complements because they are so cool and non standard, which would be great for a designer like you. Don't be afraid to take a job at a random place, like an energy company.

If you don't do this, you'll never use your degree. And if you're ok with that (there's nothing wrong with that), just go find something else--anything else. Lose some weight and join the military. See what jobs are available at your mom's hospital. Go to the next oil & gas job fair, even (especially) if they offer you an offshore job that requires being away from your mom for 3 or 6 months at a time. Go for the most crazy, random jobs, because at least it will be money.

And for #$*(#*$(#'s sake, quit school. Really. Now. You do nothing but bitch about it so it must not be doing you any good.

[Buglady]

Shadowball, I'm not a doctor or a psychiatrist - but I do have a background in biology and psychology (BA there), and I've been a student for a really long time. I've also been depressed.

You are depressed.

You are burning out.

You cannot stay where you are.

(You know this, on one level, but you also can't see a way out. That's the depression, and it's a sneaky mother $%#@er.)

Something has to change.

I've been there. I really have. I dragged through ten years of constant headaches, feeling tired to the point of despair, unable to imagine any other existence but hating every second of my life.

For me, the turning point was when I got a bicycle. My first ride was less than a mile, and I thought I'd die. But there was also a long-forgotten part of me that said "hey, that was... fun? Is that the word? Fun? I've nearly forgotten. But that was something like being a kid again, and that feeling of freedom, of flying, on a bike. I could go for more of that." So I did. I've got 5000 miles under my tires now. I'm stronger and healthier at 37 than I've ever been. I've ridden 100 miles in one day on my bike. I can do ANYTHING.

Now, I still have shitloads of debt. A bicycle, however wonderful, is not a magical invention. I am angry at the people who advised me to take on student loan debt, and I am angry at myself for listening, and I am frustrated that I've never been able to find a job that pays enough to make a dent in that debt (I graduated into a recession - twice). But that doesn't change things. So I am now looking into bankruptcy. It's not my first choice but I feel I've done my level best to repay what I can.

I have realized that what I do for money doesn't define who I am, or my worth as a person. I volunteer a lot in my community, and I spend lots of time with my nephew, and I do the jobs that I have with good grace and a commitment to doing the best I can. If people judge me for having a 25-year-old ten speed bike instead of a car, for renting an apartment instead of owning a house, for having less money in the bank than they do - well, that's nice of them to make the choice of where to direct my energy that much easier.

I hope you can find someone in your community to talk to about this. Change is scary and you will need a friend at your side. But the first thing to do is decide what YOU want out of life. Then you can start to work on the how. (At which point I highly recommend Barbara Sher's book "Wishcraft")

Good luck. And tell your mom to get her own dang degree if it's so important. There was a student in one of my classes who was 91 years old. If he can go back to get a degree, then anyone can (and yes, he graduated the year after I did).

[PepperElf]

You are depressed.

You are burning out.

You cannot stay where you are.

this is what i was thinking too. stress does all sorts of things to a body, including making you ill and making life hell.

[Shalom]

And I wake with a jerk at least once a week, but not out of a sound sleep. It happens only when I'm just barely starting to doze off, and not even every time I go to sleep. Once it happens, it won't happen again for the rest of the night.

That's called a "myoclonic jerk" (see this page). It isn't anything to worry about particularly. (Although I cracked up my somnologist when I mentioned it; he's not used to people knowing technical terms in his field.)

I will, however, echo what others have said. You need to get evaluated for depression. I've been there myself, I know what it's like to have that damn hopeless feeling.

There are even online screening tools for depression, like this one. It might be a good idea to check this out.

[Pixilated]

*large snip*
Good luck. And tell your mom to get her own dang degree if it's so important. There was a student in one of my classes who was 91 years old. If he can go back to get a degree, then anyone can (and yes, he graduated the year after I did).

Bingo, Buglady. That's what I meant when I asked if she couldn't quit her program and get a job just to get out of there. Shadowball, you said no, because it has to be all done at once ... but there's no reason it has to be done NOW. Your mother says it "must"? So what? You're an adult. She can't "make" you do anything without your cooperation.

Also, re: your comment: "Hope she likes when she loses her house and money because I can't afford to pay for the schooling she made me have. I'll be laughing all the way to the homeless shelter." -- Really? Are you really prepared to toss your own life in the trash bin on the theory it will enable you to somehow get even with your mother?

[ShadowBall]

I definitely can admit I struggle to make art - for the couple people who I have done or currently do work for once in a while - when I'm home. I give myself headaches, I get angry, I cry. When I'm in grad school, believe it or not, I want to draw nonstop. It's weird because despite the fact I hate being there and I don't belong there, I do get pushed creatively and drawing isn't a goddamn chore like it is at home.

Sadly, if I quit school, I will just get forced to re-enroll, so there'd be no point. Honestly the only reason I hate grad school is because of the cost - I do not have $12,000 a year out of pocket. And my mother apparently can't get a degree because she can't afford it and she's too old, so she just makes me get them instead.

It doesn't matter about my degree anyway because I've already decided that I will no longer try to do art for a living. There's no point in trying and trying for years and years and years only to get practically nowhere, so I'm not doing it anymore. I'll still draw and make art for me, but nothing that I will need to depend on for money.

And I seriously doubt I could afford to live in a city...I'd need to save up for a few months' worth of rent and a deposit. A NYC apartment could easily be over $1000 a month just for one person. I need a job locally first - I don't have enough money to just pack up and leave. Unfortunately, just about everything around here requires ridiculous experience, certifications, reliable transportation and many other things I don't have. I can lie about qualifications, but I'm sure I'd be fired once I was caught.

I really don't know what I want out of life. I want to be able to afford to live, which I know I won't be able to do with $78K in student debt on my shoulders. I'm not good enough at anything to make a living doing it. I'm too weak to do physical work and too messed up in the head to do anything too mentally exhausting. My degree(s) will make me overqualified for most jobs, but somehow underqualified for work in my field. Basically, I'm just a useless human being; there is nothing special about me and there's nothing I can do right, so I figure why try?

My words are probably going to be more tainted with depression than usual right now due to...uhh...lady problems. I'm sure everyone wanted to know that, but it's true. But I have people online I can talk to - people I know in real life who are just at a distance, and people who I have never met but who I consider friends anyway. So I have outlets for my frustrations.

I'll see what I can do if/when I graduate from my current school. It's half over, so I may as well finish. I haven't killed myself yet, so I doubt 2+ more years here won't make me. It's not like I would be "allowed" to see a shrink anyway, but if there are herbal remedies for depression, I could do that.

[KiaKat]

I stood up and walked out of my mom's house at 19, with $20, two suitcases, and a bus ticket. Then I got on the bus and moved to NYC.

It can be done. It's not easy, and it does help to have at least one person in the city whom you know and who can navigate certain bits of the NYC system (I lived in an SRO for three years, and much of the time was spent in court fighting with the owner of the building over rent, the fixing of things, retributive actions on his part...), but it's not impossible.

Besides, there are cities other than NY. Just in the region I can think of a half-dozen that might be an easier place to move to, less expensive and still with good mass transit. If I include New England, I can think of another dozen.

Start with Craigslist, and see what you can find that's within a quick ride-bum from a friend. Go to an interview, and explain that you're getting away from a controlling parent, so you may need a bit of help moving and finding somewhere to live, but you're worth the effort. And don't give up if the first few chances don't pan out.

[Pixilated]

You're in an art program but you say you don't plan to use your art to make a living anyway. So why would you "have" to re-enroll?