How Not to Get Hired 101

[underemployeed]

The application CLEARLY states, please SELECT ONE of the following, and you proceed to check ALL BUT ONE of the 5-6 options.


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Answer "yes" to have you been convincted of a crime, and your explanation is
"beat the shit out of a guy who pissed me off"

can't remember if it was the same guy as,

Reason for leaving your old job, answer "Parole Violations"

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[sweetj82]

We had a teenager who showed up today wearing work out clothes. While she was getting interveiwed she was doing jumping jacks,running in place and situps.

Note this isnt a gym.

[Laund-o-rama Mama]

Kid came in to fill out an application with a Friend of his. He was nice, kind of doofy and immature. Alright. His Mom showed up 10 minutes later to do laundry. The Kid decided to go to the grocery store, after which the Mom and Friend began loudly talking between themselves about Kid's tendency to compulsively lie oh and also about the fact that Kid has been fired from many jobs and flunked the military entrance exam 2x. "He means well", Mom says, "But he just can't help it!"

All within my earshot. I quietly take his application and file it in the "circular file"!

[underemployeed]

New one today:
Annoy the hell out of all your fellow contracted employees.... so not only your lead gives you a bad review but the guy who personally knows the recruiter (and helped pass a difficult college course) makes it know how bad you were through the back channels.

[Imogene]

From personal experience:
Ask your roommate to grab an application from Spencer's while s/he's canvassing for apps, carrying a pink folder with Tinkerbell stickers on it.
As that roommate, I 'loved' it when the lady running the desk insinuated that she was glad the app was for someone else, cause she couldn't see working with a guy who likes Tinkerbell... In a Spencers? Really? Tinkerbell's all over Spencer's...

[blas]

Found this out from the awesome lead from weekends. It's about former PITA Drunken Victim, but I will continue to use the general speaking terms of this thread.

Imagine you just quit a full time job with benefits for no real good reason (no more smoking at work).

You're applying for new jobs, and you realize that since you're from out of state, this was the only job you've had in this state, you will need references from the job you just quit, to be able to have any hopes of finding a job.

So, in your (not so) brilliant mind, you list the weekend shift lead as a reference, instead of your former boss or actual shift lead, because you think she may just vouch for you because for some reason, you think she didn't hate you as much as everyone else. And, because she may not know about how horrible your attendance really was. (She did, she heard it from everyone)

So, this shift lead gets a call from some factory saying she was listed as a reference for this toolbag, and she knows what she can and can't legally say, but she sets the record straight that she only worked with him one day a week, was not formally in charge of him, so she couldn't honestly be a good reference.

FUCKING IDIOT!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

My response to being listed as a reference for DV would be something like this:

"I cannot specifically discuss his job performance, so why don't we talk about the weather instead? The clouds move lazily across the sky, and everybody thinks they're stupid."

[blas]

She reacted well to that phone call, considering they called her on a Friday, right before lunchtime hours, which was right when she'd just got done working 12 hours and really wanted to go to bed, because she had to do another 12 hour shift that night.

[MidoriDelSol]

I worked as an HR assistant at my job before so I can tell you what NOT to put on your application.

If you want to work at a toy store, don't put down that you worked at (local strip club). I don't care if you were just a waitress, you worked at a strip club.

Also can we talk about how not to hire me for a job? Right after I got my current job I get a phone call from a recruiter for some company about an HR job. This woman called me on her cell phone, at 9:30 at night, to ask if I still wanted an HR job that I applied for 3 months ago. I was like....ummmm no I've moved on! Honestly what self respecting recruiter calls prospects that late at night? It was down right rude.

[MaseMan]

Also can we talk about how not to hire me for a job? Right after I got my current job I get a phone call from a recruiter for some company about an HR job. This woman called me on her cell phone, at 9:30 at night, to ask if I still wanted an HR job that I applied for 3 months ago. I was like....ummmm no I've moved on! Honestly what self respecting recruiter calls prospects that late at night? It was down right rude.

My guess is that whoever they selected fell through, and she was now in a panic, scrambling to fill the position. Still very unprofessional either way.

[Company_Slave]

From my time at "Slowway"
For the record, at the store level we are not allowed to shred or file circularly morons apps, however the manager can add notes when she faxes them to the hiring center. To my knowledge, these are word for word what my boss put on the apps before she faxed them.

- Come in the store with your "homies" being loud, cursing, and acting suspiciously. Have pants hanging down around the bottom of your butt checks. Ask me if we are hiring. When I say not for our location but we do centralized recruiting for the immediate area, tell me there is only one other store you can work at because you aren't allowed to drive more then 5 miles from home due to your prior DUI conviction. Note on app: Suspected of theft at *Store number*. DUI conviction and he's 18. Please no.

-Come in store daily with your filthy children always talking on your cell phone and have in the past told 2 cashiers who still work there they aren't allowed to wait on you because of their attitude problems because the cashier didn't want to interrupt your ultra important gossip fest to ask you for your "Slowway" card. Ask me what shifts we are hiring for. Tell me I'm wrong when I tell you we are fully staffed, especially with the fall hours cut just around the corner. Note on app: If you hire her I will find a way to fire her.

- Cuss at me when I ask for your ID for your "wraps" (we only sell cigarillos but potheads insist on calling them wraps or blunts). Grab an app on your way out. Hand app off to me the next day thinking I will have forgotten that you called me a c*** and I nearly went over the counter at you. Note on app: Next time he shows his face in my store I'm banning him and will pursue legal action if he violates the ban. He was verbally abusive to a CSR and called her names I wouldn't say to a dead animal.

- Come in and ask for an app. When I tell you we have an open interview the next day at *other location* ask me for directions to that store. Show up the next day at MY store 10 minutes before the end of open interviews and get upset when I remind you that the interviews are at *other locaction* and you'll never make it on time. Leave app with me. Walk out. Walk back in 2 minutes later and ask for your app back because you didn't sign it or put your social on it. Call your mom to ask her your social. Also ask her your aunt's phone number because she's one of your references. Also ask her what's for dinner. All while standing in front of my register, holding your finger up to me to wait when I am asking you to move as we are getting a line. Hang around for another 15 minutes asking me a bazillion moronic questions. Note on app: Kid isn't the brightest crayon in the box. Also, he's obnoxious. My best CSR has already told me if he's hired, she refuses to train him. So basically, repeat of the last kid you sent me who didn't last a week.

From my days at the Rat Hole (childrens restaurant/ game room with an oversized mouse mascott)
- Guy walks in with a bazillion piercings and a tattoo of a naked lady on his forearm where uniforms won't cover it and asks for an app. When I bluntly tell him do to the tat the only position we could give him would be kitchen because of said tat, he cusses loudly (standing next to a 4 year old) and then tells me to give him an app anyway. Talked to MOD. She "accidentally" dropped it in my mop bucket.

-Walk in wearing cat ears and a tail (as a 21 year old male) and ask if we're hiring for the person in the rat costume. Also ask if person who does rat costume gets to take it home. And if it's washable. I opted for handling that app with gloves until I could take it out back and burn it.

[Seshat]

- Guy walks in with a bazillion piercings and a tattoo of a naked lady on his forearm where uniforms won't cover it and asks for an app. When I bluntly tell him do to the tat the only position we could give him would be kitchen because of said tat

Long-sleeved flesh-coloured or neutral-coloured t-shirt?

I'd allow that option if I were a manager. Especially for someone who otherwise was a good choice. (Obviously, someone who responds by swearing at you isn't otherwise a good choice.)

[angelgirl]

Too much honesty= lucky for me!

During your first interview tell me all about how mean your last supervisor was and how they ruined the company you worked for. Tell me you'll do fine as long as I'm nicer than your last boss.

Then tell me you were fired from that position for stealing.

[MaseMan]

During your first interview tell me all about how mean your last supervisor was and how they ruined the company you worked for. Tell me you'll do fine as long as I'm nicer than your last boss.

Then tell me you were fired from that position for stealing.

I had someone like that one time. He used the phrase "screwed over" at least three times during the interview. No, he didn't get the position.

[fireheart]

-Walk in wearing cat ears and a tail (as a 21 year old male) and ask if we're hiring for the person in the rat costume. Also ask if person who does rat costume gets to take it home. And if it's washable. I opted for handling that app with gloves until I could take it out back and burn it.

Ohhhhh dude that's just WRONG! (the bolded parts)

I mean seriously, don't mix business with pleasure! At least measure the suit and make your own if you want to yiff so badly!