How Not to Get Hired 101

[Android Kaeli]

OK, so even if you work 7 days/week, that doesn't add up to 50 hrs/week. Way to demonstrate that you're not only a demanding pain in the $BODYPART, you're either completely dishonest (so yeah, let's put YOU on register) or cannot do basic arithmetic (so yeah, you'd do great either on register or in receiving).

Yea, I get that maybe some people work more than eight hours a day so it might add up but I seriously doubt that one was working ten hours or more seven days a week all this time -- the company would've looked into it a whole lot sooner. Heck, when I, and the rest of my department, did a couple of weeks of overtime a few months ago, the store manager still had to justify it with her boss [district manager] even though he had given her, and us, permission to go over those weeks. Just to be sure that we were actually doing the overtime for the right reasons.

[Seanette]

-- Get upset when you're told that you aren't getting anywhere near the amount of hours you're getting at your store, because you are either lying about getting 50 hours a week, every week, or you've got very few employees working for your store that you have to have that many.

-- Complain to the store manager because you refuse to work any shift that is not 5 am to 11 am, as that is what you have at your store.

OK, so even if you work 7 days/week, that doesn't add up to 50 hrs/week. Way to demonstrate that you're not only a demanding pain in the $BODYPART, you're either completely dishonest (so yeah, let's put YOU on register) or cannot do basic arithmetic (so yeah, you'd do great either on register or in receiving).

[Android Kaeli]

This could also be considered How NOT to transfer from another store 101.

-- Constantly come in and demand for the deli manager, despite the fact that they have already told you, both privately and publicly, that they don't want you back as an employee of THIS store for a variety of reasons.

-- Get upset when you're told that you aren't getting anywhere near the amount of hours you're getting at your store, because you are either lying about getting 50 hours a week, every week, or you've got very few employees working for your store that you have to have that many.

-- Complain to the store manager because you refuse to work any shift that is not 5 am to 11 am, as that is what you have at your store.

[workerbee222]

"I think I can bring a youthful energy to the business." Said to an owner who has very successfully adapted and changed and updated his store for forty years. Bonus points for not realizing the young woman working there is the owner's chosen successor to take over the store. Super bonus points for not realizing that at some point he should just. stop. talking.

[SpyOne]

Have an outstanding arrest warrant.
While that did not actually prevent you from being hired, it did make your employment remarkably brief.

Hand in a resume and a still-blank copy of our application. We need that thing for the files at HR, and while your resume may cover all the same points, it definitely isn't OUR job to copy that over.
Honestly, we are just going to throw that resume out.

DON'T READ THE DIRECTIONS.
It says quite clearly on the application to list your last few employers and also account for any periods you weren't employed. You didn't use all the spaces, and there are two gaps of more than a year between when you left one job and when you started the next.
I don't actually have a say in hiring and firing, but given that part of the job is to read assignments written by the manager and complete them while the manager is not in the store, ability to understand and follow written directions is a big one.

And to the one special snowflake:
I cannot remember some of the contact details of jobs in my past. I don't remember the phone number for some places I've worked (though the last three are still programmed into my phone), and about six jobs back I don't remember the address. But that job was also more than 20 years ago.
About a year ago you worked for a business in the adjacent city where the work you did involved fast food. Is that really all you remember? Any clue what the name of the place was? Or roughly where? Phone number?

[Marmalady]

Maybe she was feeding him to a BAD black dragon.

OK now I'm chuckling

[Monterey Jack]

FEED me, Seymour...!

[catcul]

Or worse still - Feeding him TO what?

Maybe she was feeding him to a BAD black dragon.

[Marmalady]

"Feeding my husband." (Feeding him what?)

Or worse still - Feeding him TO what?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

- Show up to your interview reeking of booze

- Why do you want to work for (company)? "I need a job so I don't have time to smoke."

- What is your greatest achievement in life? "Feeding my husband." (Feeding him what?)

[lachesis]

That long?!

To be fair, he was regulated to warehouse duty after that and was only a passenger to help haul product (wood and other supplies) when on deliveries. Unfortunately, he just couldn't keep up with the demands of the job and thus had to be let go.

[Pixelated]

Be this wonder woman...
https://www.nbc4i.com/news/u-s-world...cil/1386868482

It does appear that the guy she swore at will help her get something -- after she apologized, as is only proper. But yeah, what a moron. In this day and age there is NO excuse for being an online idiot like that and not understanding that it can totally tank your (prospective) job. I would damn near sell my hypothetical soul for an internship at NASA ... which I would have to do, since my math skills sure wouldn't get me in there.

[Mental_Mouse]

That might not work everywhere. I don't think Uber services a lot of lesser-populated areas. And if they do, then statistically there are fewer drivers, too.

True that, but such areas don't have much in the way of public transit either.

[mjr]

These days there's Uber etc. that could help with that. Too expensive for regular commuting, but good for a crisis.

That might not work everywhere. I don't think Uber services a lot of lesser-populated areas. And if they do, then statistically there are fewer drivers, too.

[KuariKaydrith]

Show up and expect to get an interview without even so much as supplying a resume. Or being at all coherent.

And...then sending your sister in the following day to yell about how we wouldn't hire you! Mind you, she wasn't that much more coherent than you were.