How Not to Get Hired 101

[Simbacat]

Proper response to that: "Since you clearly don't know enough about the business to realize that this is our busiest day of the year, and that it would be a BAD THING to take up our time enquiring about the status of your application, it's status is now 'on its way to the if it's a choice between this guy and the lunatic, crack-addicted homeless guy on the corner, hire the crackhead file'".

that actually sounds like something our assistant manager would say.

[wolfie]

This actually happened on Black Friday: call several times and demand to speak to a manager about the status of your application.

Proper response to that: "Since you clearly don't know enough about the business to realize that this is our busiest day of the year, and that it would be a BAD THING to take up our time enquiring about the status of your application, it's status is now 'on its way to the if it's a choice between this guy and the lunatic, crack-addicted homeless guy on the corner, hire the crackhead file'".

[Simbacat]

This actually happened on Black Friday: call several times and demand to speak to a manager about the status of your application.

[wolfie]

* have most, if not all, of your work experience involved in stripping.

Why doesn't the Clearance Swamp want people who separated photographic emulsion from the substrate? The Linkedin profile was the best page I could find that dealt with this (see the "Scott Lithography" section at the bottom).

This is a somewhat obsolescent process (some magazines did it to put photos of celebrities' heads on models' bodies) now that Photoshop is available, but is still used for artistic purposes. Back when I was in high school, it was one of the trades listed in the "choose the career that best matches your aptitudes/desires" tests in guidance class. Needless to say, it drew a lot of laughs (picture a room full of teenage boys, and "stripper" appears on a list of careers).

Murphy's law - found a better example right after posting, when I changed the search term slightly.

[Racket_Man]

* ask for $21/hour as your starting wage. In a retail store. As the manager who screened the application put it, "I don't even make $21 an hour."
.

That reminds me of a story one of my managers told. He had previously worked for a roast beef fastfood place (the one with the big hat). One of the factories in town laid off some worker and they started hitting the local businesses for jobs. some of the laid off workers came in to the fast food place and demanded $20 - $25 her HOUR in pay.

The GM said SURE but you will only get like ONE HOUR a week.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

As we approach the holiday season, our already low hiring standards are being lowered even more. Still, you probably will not get hired if you:

* ask for $21/hour as your starting wage. In a retail store. As the manager who screened the application put it, "I don't even make $21 an hour."

* have a lengthy rap sheet of felony arrests and convictions

* have most, if not all, of your work experience involved in stripping.

[fireheart]

OK let's see if I can break this down from my perspective. (note that in terms of quoting salary and whatnot, Aussie companies pay more for minimum wage) Regardless, I share your pain Lupo, here *passes and over*

Applications
1. Minimum Salary Expectation:

One company I applied for before they went under had this question. Now it wouldn't have been so bad if they gave you the option of "$15-$18 p.h" (Australian minimum wage is significantly higher) or similar, but they gave me the options from $20,000 p.a and up. I always put that in (and no, they didn't hire me)

2. Availability -

I've been looking at this one from the perspective of "My availability is subject to change, are they OK with this?" (namely ensuring that uni and field placements will fit)

3. Knock out questions: Those questions on the app that ascertain whether you're able to do he work, simple things like, "are you 16 or over?" (can we LEGALLY hire you...?), "Can you life 50 lbs?" (most people can't, but if they can they're opted for receiving room work!), little things like that. They're yes/no questions, people, really!! please don't select "No" to the question are you over 16!! We can't hire you, legally!! WHY are you continuing the application process!? (Seriously, I had a handful of this, I was baffled)

The lifting heavy load thing I've found comes up on every retail application. Not an issue for me since I was trained in my previous jobs on "how to lift a box". >.>

Although the 16 and over question....now I don't know if this applies in the US, but down here in my state, some companies can hire from as young as 14 and 9 months, or 15. (this is with parental permission) And sadly, a lot of retailers tend to look for the younger workers, because they can pay them less while churning out the same amount of work. So I can see sort of where they're coming from on that angle.

Now if that's NOT the case, then

5. employment history: Do you have the retail experience? If you were at a great job where your wages ended with you earning more than $12 an hour why did you leave. Two speshul snowflakes take the cake.

A. This applicant's job history was decent, yes in retail, everything looked good on the surface, but the reasons for her leaving her last 3 jobs? "Wasn't getting paid what I was worth." "Didn't get the hours I deserved" "Personal reasons due to conflict"

The first response just screams arrogance, the second and third ones I can sort of see based on a few stories I've heard on here. While I know that you should NEVER write "didn't get the hours I deserved", it could be another way of expressing that she didn't get the hours she NEEDED.
AS for the personal reasons one, I'm guessing that conflict may not necessarily be conflict with staff...it could be conflict with other responsibilities or similar.

Alone I can understand them, but together....yeahhhhh I can see why you didn't hire her. (I fall roughly into #3 but I've put on my applications either "reasons beyond my control" (since my mental illness played a factor in leaving) or "my potential was reached and I would like to seek further avenues")

OH GODS MY BRAIN!!

*hands Lupo profiteroles*

Interviews!!!

I suspect that the first one could've benefited from some interview coaching. I had my boyfriend do a mock phone interview with me so I could practice

The second one.....yeahhhhh........brain go splodey.

[Pixilated]

I'd take a temp job with you if I were there. I know it's temp and minimum wage, but it beats no one willing to hire me.

Same here. What is wrong with these people??

One of the first things I do when I get an interview lined up and I've never been to the place before is either:

A) Go out there a day or two in advance to get an idea of the route and time involved

*snip*

Did that Monday for yesterday's interview. I know where the mall is and this is my hometown but GADZOOKS!! I haven't had to drive around here in years and in any case I had no clue where the store was in the (greatly expanded!) mall.

Took the most direct route there and then remembered hey, mom used to come and go via a back entrance. Found the back entrance, headed out and ... half an hour later stumbled into a convenience store Somewhere Out There and whimpered, "PLEASE, SIR, WHERE AM I??" to another customer.

I have since invested in a street map.

[taxguykarl]

one of the jobs was listed as a temp tax preparation specialist at the Green Block Logo Place, but the duration there was from March 2009 to...March 2009. Hired and let go in the same month....Really, a tax preparation place is going to let a preparer go in less than a month during the busiest season? Really?!?!

Actually March is the slow season. The busy parts are the last week of January (especially 1/31--the deadline for W-2's, 1098's and 11099's) 'til about Valentines and April Fools' to the deadline. Late Febraury and March are the quiet times. Still I find it odd that he would not have been hired in January

[Gurndigarn]

A. This applicant's job history was decent, yes in retail, everything looked good on the surface, but the reasons for her leaving her last 3 jobs? "Wasn't getting paid what I was worth." "Didn't get the hours I deserved" "Personal reasons due to conflict"

Could be worse. Most recent job, reason for leaving: "Conflict with management"
Job before that, reason for leaving: "Conflict with management"
Job before that, reason for leaving: "Conflict with management"

The scary part? I was subbing in for a manager on vacation, and this was my first set of interviews, so I didn't know what to look for in an application (and honestly, with only one other employee, didn't have the luxury of looking at this time), so I interviewed her. She was worse in the interview than she was on paper.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

One of the first things I do when I get an interview lined up and I've never been to the place before is either:

A) Go out there a day or two in advance to get an idea of the route and time involved

or

B) Make sure to get directions beforehand, double check them AND give myself plenty of lead time on interview day to ensure I'm not late.

[Kristev]

I'd take a temp job with you if I were there. I know it's temp and minimum wage, but it beats no one willing to hire me.

[lupo pazzesco]

I have a few to add to this thread for the first time. Bit of background, my store is hiring temporary associates/cashiers for our back to school rush, so this is only going to be 2-3 weeks of work, possible a month at the most. We're up front about it. Temporary. Part time. As such, it's minimum wage. Yes, it sucks, but we try to make up for it in other, little ways. That said, I'm vetting the applications, looking for potential candidates, because my boss doesn't trust his own judgment, with good cause.

Here are some of the doozies I ran across broken down into categories: Reviewing applications, phone screening, and interviews.


Applications
1. Minimum Salary Expectation: I personally hate this question when I fill out apps, but I tend to research the going rate for the job I'm applying for, so what we did was go through the applications and find those that listed $8.50 and under, to call and see if they'd be ok with minimum wage. However, some of the answers we saw were:
* $12/hr
*$35,000/yr
* negotiable for anything over $10/hr (That's not negotiable, then, if you EXPECT $10/hr!!)

2. Availability - Another thing I'm going to do, and maybe it IS just me, but if I'm applying somewhere, I research their hours of operation, to see if MY scheduling issues will fit in. We're usually open 8 - 5 Monday through Fridays and Saturday mornings (close at 1). We also know we'll be getting a lot of students looking for some work, so we're not expecting open availability, they need to work around their classes, but come on, please have at least 3-4 hour blocks you can devote to the store!! So, when I see the following availabilities, I kinda for a bit until my manager asks what that thumping noise is...
* Anytime...except for weekdays, but available all day Sunday!!
* 6 PM - Midnight, 2 days a week.
* 2:30 - 5, 3:30 - 5, 2:30 - 4 and 3:30 - 7 . Um, what...?
* my personal favorite, no availability listed at ALL. NO hours from x to y time, AND the selected "No" to the option of "Anytime?"

3. Knock out questions: Those questions on the app that ascertain whether you're able to do he work, simple things like, "are you 16 or over?" (can we LEGALLY hire you...?), "Can you life 50 lbs?" (most people can't, but if they can they're opted for receiving room work!), little things like that. They're yes/no questions, people, really!! please don't select "No" to the question are you over 16!! We can't hire you, legally!! WHY are you continuing the application process!? (Seriously, I had a handful of this, I was baffled)

4. More subtle knockout questions: These are the questions that we generally look over to see if applicants pay attention and answer correctly and in full. If you can't follow simple instructions on an application, are you going to be able to do a complicated register transaction using financial aid that has no room for error?? Plus, it helps us get a feel for the applicants. So, when I see the following questions and answers...moar brain cells DIE!
*Q: have you ever asked to step down or resign from a previous position? A: Yes
* Q: If yes, please name your employer and explain why A: focus more.

Yeah, that's enough of that one.... >.<

5. employment history: Do you have the retail experience? If you were at a great job where your wages ended with you earning more than $12 an hour why did you leave. Two speshul snowflakes take the cake.

A. This applicant's job history was decent, yes in retail, everything looked good on the surface, but the reasons for her leaving her last 3 jobs? "Wasn't getting paid what I was worth." "Didn't get the hours I deserved" "Personal reasons due to conflict"

B. This person has worked for the governor's office as a file clerk, for the local branch of the IRS as a clerk of sorts, and at FIVE different tax prep places in the last 2 years. Worse, one of the jobs was listed as a temp tax preparation specialist at the Green Block Logo Place, but the duration there was from March 2009 to...March 2009. Hired and let go in the same month, and the pattern repeated. No job was held longer than 3 months and the reason for being let go for each one was "Temp". Really, a tax preparation place is going to let a preparer go in less than a month during the busiest season? Really?!?!

OH GODS MY BRAIN!!

Moving on, we finally, out of 37 applications narrow it down to 12 to call for a phone screen and possible interview.

Phone screens
These weren't QUITE so bad, I suppose, but a few made me blink and just...yeah, blink...

1.
Me: Hi, my name is Lupo, I'm calling from <store>, can I speak with Julie?
J: That's me
Me: I'm calling because you applied for one of our temporary positions, at <Store> Were you still interested?
J: Yeah, but I was wondering, is it, like, a full time job...?
Me: ...
J: hello?
Me: Oh, um, no, I'm sorry, temporary means it'd only be a month of work at the most...
J: So...would I still be able to take time off for Thanksgiving and Christmas if I was hired...?
Me: ...

This continued until I told her we do appreciate her interest, but at this time, we don't think her availability will work for us.

2.
Me: Same spiel, asking for...let's call her Jane
J: This is she
Me: <yadda yadda, application, still interested, yadda, and it's going well until we get to salary>
J: So, would I be able to making $10 to start with, or do I have to start at $9 and wait until after reviews?
Me: <Flips back through her app. Her expectations of salary minimum was $7,50 we were going to talk about the minimum wage with her, but...> I'm sorry, but we don't hire temporary cashiers at that high of a starting wage, maybe we could--
J: Not interested, if you're not paying shit. <click>
Me: wtf just happened...?


Thankfully those are the only 2 that really stand out. Most of the calls were people saying they understand it's minimum, but they're just looking for something else, etc, etc. Hey, you need a better prospect, totally understandable, go about it whichever way you feel best about.


Interviews!!!
Light at the end of the tunnel!! We're SO close!! Of the applicants, we only scheduled 6 for in person interviews. Four of those went really well, and they're coming back in for training. Two, however...

1. Interview scheduled for 11 am, and we're still waiting. Finally, 11:10, she shuffles in and says "Hi, I'm here for the job?" Bossman and I had already agreed punctuality was priority, so since she didn't call, we'd give her a quick interview, since she was young and this was her first attempt at a job, more to give her a baseline of what to expect and how to conduct herself, but unless she REALLY wowed us, she wasn't going to be hired.

Bossman: Hi, what time was your interview?
Her: 11, right?
B: And what time is it now?
Her: What? I got lost, you're hard to find!
B: A phone cal would have worked to let us know, just to be professional about it in the future, ok?

We continue, just talking to her, and then she drops this whammy:

Her: So, by temporary for the start of school, what's that MEAN?
Me: well, we'd hire you on, and then probably keep you until Labor Day, and unfortunately let you go then, but with an option to come back during other rush periods.
Her: Oh, well, that won't work, I start classes on the 29th!! I only wanted to work until THEN!
Me: ...
Boss: ...
Me: When we spoke on the phone I did tell you the timeframe, that was non-negotiable.
Her: Well, yeah, but I thought you meant classes for your school, not mine...
Me: ...
Boss: Classes for all local colleges start a the same time...
Her: Oh. Ok.

Yeeeeeaaahhh, she didn't get hired, but she did get the basics of what not to do in an interview, and hopefully she remembers and puts it to good use...

2.
This guy was scheduled for an 11:30 interview. I called him. I told him "11:30 at <Private University Campus Bookstore>. He confirmed. All was well.

And then...

Phone call comes for Bossman a little after 11:15, and he's told, by the applicant "Yeah, uh...I'm at <Downtown Bookstore Location from our company> I didn't know you meant <Private University Campus Bookstore>. I applied to all 3 locations in the city, I just assumed it was this one."

...

Bossman still tells him, if he wants an interview and can be here we can reschedule him later that afternoon!!

"Oh, naw, see, i take the bus, it's my ONLY form of transport. (Hey, mine, too!) I can't get over there (Hey, that's a lie, you could be here within 40 minutes!!)

after repeated facepalming, and Boss and I agreeing we needed a lot of drinks, the REAL kicker happens. Manager from the other bookstore? Asked for us to fax over applicant's paperwork. See, aside from his limited transportation, his inability to understand locations, and basic instructions, and his unwillingness to work around our flexibility to still interview him? He's a GREAT prospect, they'll just hire him over at THAT location.

...



My poor brain. I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it was going to be this long... >.>

[sms001]

Unless I miss my guess, (which is a jaded and cynical one) things here went pretty much the way the "applicant" wanted them to go. I've seen WAY too many people who have to go through the motions of seeking a job but are apprehensive that they might actually GET one, so they do just about every inappropriate thing on the list. In this case the clothing, (Added bonus - don't have to go home and change into bar clothes after the sure-to-be-quick interview!) and the two tag-alongs are just insurance.

[NateTheChops]

yeah. . . lot of fail right there. Bringing your kid to a job interview is generally seen as a bad sign by any potential employer. lol
"

My mother brought me to an interview once. Mind you, I was eleven and I waited in the lobby, quietly. She got the job and her new boss even paid me a dollar, because there were a bunch of old papers that had to be recycled and the secretary had me put them in the shredder.

Fun times.