How Not to Get Hired 101

[ShinyGreenApple]

Hassle the peon behind the lay-a-way counter.

Ask said peon to speak to the personnel manager for you.

After said peon hangs up from speaking with PM, demand to know when PM is going to come out of her office and talk to you.

Repeat until peon grudgingly calls the PM again and repeats exactly what you said.

It's important to note at this time, PM was not a pleasant, sociable lady. Hell, she's the one who repeatedly called my house and harassed my mother, demanding to know where I was and telling her to stop lying because "I know LB is sitting right next to you, now put her on!" Yeah, I got a pink slip from her. That's another story . .

But I digress.

Then, despite the fact that you have to look *up* to see PM in the face, talk down to her in a demeaning tone about your excellent credentials as a cashier as if it's a Bachelor's degree in rocket science.

There was actually a set of half a dozen or so newbs sitting in the lobby, waiting for orientation to start when this happened, and there were six jaws on the floor by the time this guy left. I turned to them with a smile afterwards and said "Well, that's how not to make a good impression! "

[edible_hat]

Walk in barefoot (in an industry in which workers must wear enclosed shoes at all times) and say "You's got any fukken werk?"

[workerbee222]

Once worked with a very no-nonsense woman. She spoke briefly to a teenager who had turned in an app, and after the teen left, tossed the app in the circular file.

"Know why I did that?" she asked.

I didn't. Well, she was dressed like she was going out dancing, had to ask for a pen to fill out the application, but she had come equipped with a comb for her hair and a pack of cigarettes.

"that gives me an idea of her priorities."

At the time, state law said if we were advertising for help, any application needed to be held for six months, but since we weren't, it could be "filed" immediately.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Spend your training shift talking about the guy you had sex with over the weekend (and include the details of how it's the first time you've had sex in years), and how now he's not calling you, and whine about how unfair life is. Bonus points if you're over 40.

Extra bonus points if you repeat the story and how you feel about it continuously over the 4 hour shift.

That is both very funny and very sad.

[KiaKat]

Spend your training shift talking about the guy you had sex with over the weekend (and include the details of how it's the first time you've had sex in years), and how now he's not calling you, and whine about how unfair life is. Bonus points if you're over 40.

Extra bonus points if you repeat the story and how you feel about it continuously over the 4 hour shift.

[RetailWorkhorse]

Wear flip flops and jeans for your interview

I did that! And my jeans had HOLES in them!

I still got hired.



Walk in wearing a pair of those sweat-shirt material shorts that says "HOT" across the ass with the waistband tucked inside-out and a glitter-tanktop stating another state on it. And ratty flipflops (at least mine were nice at the time). Demand, of ME, whether I have a job opening.

Of course I said no. I can't get the hours I need, let alone get hours to hire another cashier.

[nomorecarts]

answer any retail questions about how you handled pressure as "I've never had to do that before". I got very lucky, the manager who did my first interview(I've had one job interview in my entire life) was nice enough to tell me I had to do better and gave me a second chance, my friend's interviewing manager didn't do that for him(even though I told him "make sure you answer all the questions, lie if you have to")

[Jay 2K Winger]

~ Pick up application next to "Same Day Interviews Available" sign, fill out application, turn in application, then demand, DEMAND I SAID, to speak to a manager right now, I SAID RIGHT NOW!

[powerboy]

Another way not to get hired is to come in after you put an application and complain that we didn't hire you.

[mattm04]

Knock over and damage the on-line kiosk for employment when it asks you for References. Now is is bolted down.

[Giggle Goose]

Bring your kid(s) with you to an interview

(I read that example in Dear Abby when a recruiter wrote about job-hunting etiquette)

[king4aday]

just had this one the other day...

Look the manager up and down from head to toe and reply "YOUR the manager?"

otherwise others ive had...

1. Come in in a 2 piece bikini (remember waterpark resort town)....

2. come in....ASK if we do drug testing then reply "never mind" when we tell you yes.

3. tell me you do not have a criminal record when you have in fact served time in prison and are currently under an ankle tracking program.....I didnt even need to look this up to find out...his parole officer who was helping him look for jobs informed me of this.....

4. threaten me.... have one of my subordinates offer to quit if you dont get the job...this happened...I accepted subordinate's resignation....you didnt get the job.

5. Inform me of how we could embezel money from the company and offer to let me keep half.....

yes...actually...these ALL happened

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Happened recently at the store where I work:

- Send YOUR FRIEND in to pick up an application FOR YOU. Seriously, if you can't be arsed to at least show your face to get an app, you can be damned sure you won't ever get hired.

Others:

- Come in to pick up an app...while very obviously stoned

- Tell a woman in the store that you think sex with her would be hot...with the Manager/her husband a mere few feet away

- Come in to inquire about working retail, then throw a fit when we laugh at your demand to have ALL weekends and holidays off.

- Have gaps in your resume that you absolutely refuse to discuss or explain.

[SteeleDragon78]

show up dress for the club, silver metalic fabric shirt with spagetti straps and wide lacing down the sides, a matching skirt that has similar lacing on the sides, and 5 inch heels that have straps running up to your knees. and not have the figure to wear all these.

show up in overall shorts with skin showing from the bottom of your bra to the buttons on the sides of the overalls. and no shoes.

[tropicsgoddess]

Show up to the interview wearing a sleeveless shirt that rides up (and shows your midriff) when you move while wearing capri pants .

Call for a job opening, use profanity in every sentence and tell the recruiter "that salary ain't shit" after being informed of the pay rate for the position.

Wear flip flops and jeans for your interview to a business casual call center.



Feel free to add any reject candidate stories you have!