How Not to Get Hired 101

[Eireann]

On the other hand, LibraryLady, it sounds like the applicant knew how to touch-type.

[LibraryLady]

On the other hand, LibraryLady, it sounds like the applicant knew how to touch-type.

Well, there is that but this wasn't even an electric typewriter. We could see the indentations the type made on the other side of the paper.

[ArenaBoy]

If you are a contributing writer and you take up an assignment, don't do it and then let us know a day before production night.

[Darkforge]

don't come to the interview in a really low cut top, short shorts, flip flops and then spend the entirety of it staring into thin air, playing with your pony tail while snapping your gum.

When asked a question do not simply answer "Yeah", "nope", or "if i feel like doin' it or whatever"

When I tell you "I've got other interviews to conduct today so if you've got the job i'll ring you tomorrow" Don't phone me back asking if you have the job cos "I wos so, like, bubbly, and like, i acted dead interestin', and I, like, wore me best smart stuff, an dunno why you ain't called me back yet"

Miss "Saucy" as the rear of your short shorts declared, you are why I dread the days my boss coming to me and asking if we can start doing another recruitment drive.

[Ghel]

I'm sure these have all been mentioned before, but this was all in one woman:

Show up in skin-tight denim short-shorts, t-shirt, and flip-flops.
Leave in your lip piercing.
Borrow a pen fron the secretary to fill out the application.
Bonus points: Ask the secretary if you can sit at her desk to fill out your application.
Double bonus points: Have to run out to your car to get the phone numbers for your references.

[lineswine]

Well, there is that but this wasn't even an electric typewriter. We could see the indentations the type made on the other side of the paper.

Daisywheel printers, of the "Diablo" type" will make those marks, too - the printing is no guarantee of the equipment used to compose the letter </Pedant>

[Dips]

Daisywheel printers, of the "Diablo" type" will make those marks, too - the printing is no guarantee of the equipment used to compose the letter </Pedant>

I produced resumes using Wordstar and a Diablo 1620...

...back in 1980.

Using one to apply for a tech job today? Not much better than using a manual typewriter.

[Chromatix]

Funnily enough, I'm fairly sure I have a working daisy-wheel printer somewhere. But I wouldn't use it to apply for a tech job - unless it was at some kind of museum.

[plan9au]

When i got my job at [Game store] AKA - best job ever, i was worried that i may have hard competition (considering that they took applicants only from the regular gamers), i needn't have....

I turned up not in a suit but neat black pants, a long sleeve business shirt my only consideration to the type of job was a colourful spiderman tie (which impressed my soon to be boss incredibly....she raved about it for weeks afterwards), the other applicant turned up in faded Black jeans and heavy metal band t-shirt.

Showed up 10min early to my interveiw, introduced myself to the other staff member working and waited in the assigned area, deciding not to get something to eat or drink from the hotdog vendor outside the doors. Other applicant turned up 30 minutes late, with a messy hotdog and drink, and ate them (noisily)during the interview.

Admitted that i played not only the games sold in the store, but would more than likely have bought and played any news ones coming in (sadly true) and giving a list of games that i played that weren't played in store. Other applicant said they played Magic: the Gathering and that was it and wasn't going to play anything shit like that YuGiOh shit (yes swore twice in the same sentence) despite it being the biggest seller (at this stage i already had two decks).

Said i was willing to work at anytime i was needed, other applicant said they only wanted work in the afternoon, and not on saturdays 'cause they wanted that day to enter the store sponsered Magic tournement, and sunday weren't good cause he would normally go to [competing store's] magic tournement

Kinda geeked up and admitted to this being a dream job (despite being 'simple' mimimum wage retail) and having a good natured discussion with owner regarding 80's saturday morning cartoons (having grown up with them). Other applicant said he only wanted to work somewhere cool until he got applied for the army in 12 months, then said he knew nothing about 80's cartoons cause they were shit and he only watched WWE and Anime, (but not YuGiOh 'cause Naruto kicks his ass apparently) cause they were were cool and the chicks hot (his words i kid you not).

And finally when asked about hobbies i mentioned a (passing interest in) Martial arts, war games and computers, Other applicants hobbies included Kick boxing because he liked fighting and an (unhealthy) interest in firearms and hunting. (ill admit to an interest in firearms myself, but never to an employer)

Guess who got the job after that....Let me give a final clue, my first shift was interupted by other applicant storming in and telling me i was going to get my arse kicked because he wanted the job, and i must have done something to get it over him.....hilariosuly he apologized to me after the interviews were over because he was totally going to get the job 'cause he nailed the interveiw.

[ShadowTiger]

We're recently hiring some new people to bridge the myriad gaps in scheduling we've recently had to endure. The other day, after one such interview, my manager (The cool new one.) went down hugging his arms to his chest and his eyes in an expession of disturbed paranoia, as if he had been lying in a bed of creepy-crawlies.

We asked him what was wrong; apparently, during the interview, the interviewee suddenly noticed a bit of lint on his shirt and got all Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder with it and started to pluck it off, despite the Manager's defensive gestures. The lint wouldn't come off for many seconds, and there was a struggle. He had to just leave the room for a moment to collect himself, and just said "thank you we'll be in touch..." and the interview was over.

Poor guy. Didn't deserve that...

[RestaurantDude]

When applying for a job at The Restaurant, if you are asked if you speak any languages besides English, the correct reply is not: "Like what!? Mexican? I don't need that shit 'cause i ain't gonna work with no dirty fuckin' mexicans!"

Needless to say, he didn't get the job.

[chocoBug]

phone up the retail store and go

"got any jobs." No hello or question-inflection.

No, not for you we dont.

Or I did have a really sad one; a 17 year old girl came in, looking real dirty like she needed a shower and handed me a scrap of paper without saying anything. She had walked out before I realised it was a sad wee handwritten note saying "I have just left school and need a job. Here is my phone number". I wish I had called her back and gave her some advice. . .

[Ashaela]

On the job postings page of our website, it says very clearly that you must mail in a *particular type* of application, and provides the application for download. It also says very clearly that a resume alone will not be accepted.

So what do they do? Email in copies of their resumes to our general inquiries box.

Some don't even have a job in mind - they want me to look at the resume and tell them what they're qualified for.

One lovely lady today sent an email with the job posting she was interested in, and requested we review her resume for suitability.... Only problem is, there was no resume and no attachment.

I'd really rather not have to train people who can't read instructions; we get enough of that already from non-employees. ^_^;

[WanderingSaint]

When being interviewed, leer at the female interviewer the whole time and ask her for her number or MSN chat name when the interview is done. Get offended when she says no and stomp off like a child.

Try to sneak in behind the register several times in previous visits to the store (a big nono considering all of the merchandise back there and the register itself) before handing in your resume.

Lie and tell us you are at least 19 years of age when you have spoken to one of our employees at an earlier date and told them you were 16. We have contraband anyone below 19 can't sell. That and you lied. Byebye!

Stalk one of the employee's to their home, have a supervisor that lives nearby and looks damn frightening come over to scare you off, then hand in a resume the next week. Congrats, you are now banned from the store for being creepy AND scary.

Hand in a new resume at the store every time you quite or are fired from whatever job you currently have.... which is every two or less weeks. Yeeeaaaah. No.

Get banned from our store for six months for shop lifting. After the six months is over hand in a resume. No.

Come in and hand in a resume while obviously high, drunk, or perhaps both.

Refuse to pass in your resume to the Fijian supervisor and ask him for his 'boss' and be suprised when he goes in to the racks, then comes back out and says he IS the 'boss'. Pass the resume to the female worker there... because she's white. Guess what, the white girl was the one to drop the resume in the trash can. She LIKES that boss, and you are obviously a dick.

Come in with youer entire possy of freinds to hand in the resume. Sure, you are an anime/D&D/Goth freak and we usually hire those, but if you can't show the spine to hand in a resume yourself, we are not hiring you as this store is NOT for you and your friends to hang out in all day. It's work.

[South Texan]

Do not assume for a moment that you are not being watched the whole time you are in the interview building.

Our receptionist at one place I worked was asked how the person behaved while waiting for the interviewer to come for them. She had no hesitation about reporting when a candidate had been dismissive or talked down to her. She also was quick to say when the person greeted her with a smile and told her clearly who s/he was, who s/he was here to see and what time her/his appointment was. ANYONE who got a negative report from her was not offered a position no matter how qualified the candidate was. She took note of how the person sat and what the person did while waiting. Often, reports of the candidates doing things like picking noses or sniffing pits showed up at the top of the interviewers' notes.

When I interviewed, she reported that I had smiled, given her the information as to why I was there and commented on what a beautiful day it was outside. She thought I would be a positive person to have at the business. I got the job over someone else who had a much more impressive resume.