In the list of 101 things to not say... you would never guess this one

[Kristev]

You have a right to grieve. It's a nurse's job to heal you, not push your buttons.

[Sparky]

First, let me say how sorry I am. Not only did you lose your beloved, but in such a traumatic way!

You, a sucky customer? Don't be ridiculous. You didn't do anything. Not only did you not do anything bad, this is not something you did. This is something that happened to you.

If someone didn't know you were feeling sick and forced you to smell something foul causing you to puke all over them, is that your fault? If someone insisted on showing you some flashy lights triggering a seizure, is that your fault?

It's always embarrassing to lose control, but with what you've been through, you were probably way overdue for a meltdown. Too bad the nurse didn't read your signals in time to avoid triggering it.

[georgie]

nicolecj Im so sorry for your loss

you were in NO way a sc at all. you stated you weren't interested and yet she persisted and then had the cheek to use emotional blackmail which unfortunately hit the mark

then, instead of her apologizing to you she kept saying she'd done no wrong.

do not apologize to the nurse at all.

[Rena_Muffin]

Oh my god. I am so sorry. I mean, just, oh my god. I don't think you were in the wrong at all, totally not SC-y to go off on her. You did, what I believe, any person would do. I don't think I'd even be able to cope with people if anything like that happened to me. You're a very strong person, in my opinion.

[nicolecj]

I wanted to say thank you all for your comments. It means a lot to me to hear that I am not just being a psycho. My goal, right now at least, is to NOT become that crazy lady with a shrine in her house. Okay, there might be a small shrine, but nothing too extravagant. the hardest thing has got to be trying not to let it overflow onto other people. I have the strangest ability to stop a good time in it's tracks.

My friends and I have started calling them my 'superpowers' and refer to them as the 'teary doe eyes' and the 'masima of death.' The teary doe eyes almost always get me assistance - the people at the DMV were even nice to me! The masima of death just gets people to leave me alone. See- superpowers!

If one does not go through life laughing, then one would have to go through it crying. Personally, i choose a little of both. Hopefully the laughter won't get me committed this week!

[BuffySummers]

nicolecj, I am so sorry for your loss. Grief does it's own thing; all you can do is hang on for the ride. It does get easier, if not better. The pain never goes away, but it becomes less ever-present, and easier to cope with.

I lost my father, of blessed memory, when I was 12 weeks pregnant with my older son. I was in the operatory, waiting for the doppler and a few quick woman-parts tests (so: naked except for a flimsey gown), when my husband got the call on his cell.

We thought my mom was just being a pest - we had told my parents the month before that we were expecting (after 4 yrs of trying), but had sworn them to secrecy until after this appointment. She was actually calling from the hospital, three states away, to tell us that my dad dropped dead from an apparent heart attack.

Hysteria does not even BEGIN to describe what happened next, what with the wailing and crying and naked pregnant ladies huddled on the floor and so forth. Once I began to think coherantly again, I thought I could never go back to my OB's office, after freaking out so badly at everyone.

The thing is, Nurses have seen worse. Hell, you mentioned your slurring when you get upset - she probably thought you were having a stroke or seizure or something. I'm sure thinking you cussing her out was the furthest thing from her mind.

Please take care of yourself, be good to yourself, and if you think it'll make you feel better, give your doctor a little note to give to the nurse. Good luck with your knee, and with everything else on your plate. I know I'm a stranger, but sending you cyber-hugs anyway.

[Sapphire Silk]

If one does not go through life laughing, then one would have to go through it crying. Personally, i choose a little of both. Hopefully the laughter won't get me committed this week!

That's actually a very healthy point of view

[chainedbarista]

nicolecj, this is a rough time and even though it was an awkward situation (to say the very least), you weren't sucky; you said no, she perisisted. what happened after the fact was simply an unfortunate choice of persuasion on her part.

grief takes time; you won't get over it today, tomorrow or maybe in a few years, but when you're ready, you'll be able to move on and remember the good times more than the pain of the loss.

hang in there, don't be afraid to cry it out; holding back the pain is one of the worst things you can do. talk with someone you know when you're able to; it helps to share the pain and have someone comfort you.

[nicolecj]

The thing is, Nurses have seen worse. Hell, you mentioned your slurring when you get upset - she probably thought you were having a stroke or seizure or something. I'm sure thinking you cussing her out was the furthest thing from her mind.

Please take care of yourself, be good to yourself, and if you think it'll make you feel better, give your doctor a little note to give to the nurse. Good luck with your knee, and with everything else on your plate. I know I'm a stranger, but sending you cyber-hugs anyway.

One thing that I am thankful for is that I don't swear unless I intend to... so no cussing out of this mouth.

The slurring is minor, you won't notice it unless you know me. I just don't have the majority of the nerves in my face and sometimes will not move my lips enough to get the words out right... think of the kind of wierd slur you get when the numbing solution is half worn off from the dentist and you mangle words if you speak to quickly. I have that permanently if I am not careful. It has just taught me to listen to my voice when I am speaking. It is fairly easy to get around. I will admit to chewing on my bottom lip frequently because I don't notice

The worst I said to the nurse was i thought that the fact that she would say such a thing to me (my entitlement whore momemnt - because I am special like that ) showed that she was incompetent and uneducated. I know, I suck at insults. I have never been clever on the fly.

[nicolecj]

nicolecj, this is a rough time and even though it was an awkward situation (to say the very least), you weren't sucky; you said no, she perisisted. what happened after the fact was simply an unfortunate choice of persuasion on her part.

grief takes time; you won't get over it today, tomorrow or maybe in a few years, but when you're ready, you'll be able to move on and remember the good times more than the pain of the loss.

hang in there, don't be afraid to cry it out; holding back the pain is one of the worst things you can do. talk with someone you know when you're able to; it helps to share the pain and have someone comfort you.

You have all been so kind... it was an out pouring of comfort and support that I had no reason to suspect would occur. Thank you!

[Moirae]

I'd say its fine that you got upset. Personally, though, I'd contact the nurse and apologize for my behavior, then explain why it happened. An apology never hurt anyone and would make both of you feel better.

Man, I think they'd have to hospitalize me if I lost my husband like that. He has sleep apnea and refuses to get one of those cpap machines. It scares me sometimes.

[MadMike]

You have all been so kind... it was an out pouring of comfort and support that I had no reason to suspect would occur. Thank you!

Hey, we're all one huge dysfunctional family here.

Sorry about your fiance. While I don't think the nurse intended to cause you pain, I have a real problem with pushy people. She should have let it drop when you said you weren't interested.

[nicolecj]

Man, I think they'd have to hospitalize me if I lost my husband like that. He has sleep apnea and refuses to get one of those cpap machines. It scares me sometimes.

You would be suprised what you can do under the most extreme situations. I was alone when they told me. My parents arrived less then 5 minutes later but I can still feel the sickness in my stomach and it felt like a wet blanket fell on my mind. He always told me his retirement plan was to die so I made him promise to live until 70 so I had a companion. All I could think in that moment was that he had promised not to die. I cried until I ran out of tears. Then i just shut down.

After a little while I had to come back, I had to take care of my dogs and cats. His baby was our english mastiff, Simon. Simon is incapable of anything that remotely qualifies as taking care of himself. I had to pull myself together for them, I couldn't let the children go (we called the dogs our children because I'm barren - it was the best we could do). Being given a reason was what I needed to reboot myself and get back on my feet. Everyday I cry, but everyday I eat and drink and go to work because i have to. I go on living, not for me, but for him and for the life we created and the lives we are responsible for. To hurt myself would hurt so many more than just me and I think you would do the same in my position.

My little moment of joy this week was when it got hot enough to turn on the sprinkler and let Simon play. He was so joyful as he jumped around to get the water. Matt used to love to watch him play and sleep. It reminds me that, even if he is gone, I had him and that will have to be enough to keep the joy in my life.

[Misanthropical]

nicolecj I am so sorry for your loss and no, it never goes away. Life is never ever the same after a loss.

I don't think you were sucky in the least and don't think you owe anyone an apology.

I had a son who was stillborn almost 17 years ago and that pain is always just under the surface and it does still come out. I heard and still do hear the stupidest things fall from people's mouth about it. There are certain songs that have to be quickly changed or I will go into tears about it.

I had a mini stroke years ago that left me with a speech impediment when I'm really tired and/or really upset so I am with you on that coming out when I am upset and people being confused as to what I am trying to say.

[tropicsgoddess]

I'm so sorry for your loss, NicoleJ. It wasn't your fault at all nor the nurse's. The unfortunate part of grief is the ebbs and tides of feeling fine and then suddenly breaking down. Don't apologize for grieving. As one of the others pointed out so eloquently, grief has it's own timeline.