Way to Get me On board

[Primer]

I forced myself to get up and drive to my college to get screened. Student services said to talk to the health center, the health center sent me back to student services, but to the department that does career counseling. It took half an hour for someone to be able to see me (I know, how dare I not pre-schedule depression?) I already was feeling grumpy and unsure about this, but...

They must've asked me a dozen times if I was suicidal over the course of that hour. That was the only directed question they asked me, at all. So I talked. I told them why I was there, some of the specific things I'd noticed that triggered the feelings, how often I felt like this, how it came and went in cycles, how I felt like it was never going to stop cycling...I was crying by the time I was done because it was so hard to put all of it into words.

I got told "You just needed someone to talk to" in one of the most condescending voices I ever heard. I guess if I'm not suicidal, nothing's wrong, huh?

I learned the hard way, early on, that the ONLY way to get help from anybody but a private practitioner is to CLAIM to be suicidal, even if you're not. That WILL get you into the system where you can then get the help you need. Just do NOT let them know that you are not suicidal until after you get the help you feel you need. I hate that the system works this way, but that's the way it is.

[LadyAndreca]

Honestly...I wanted help, but I didn't want to make a bigger deal out of it than it was, if that makes sense. I wanted the -right- help, not a knee-jerk "get this girl under 24-hour suicide watch" or something.

Admittedly, at my worst, about five years ago, I WAS suicidal. I very clearly remember a night I locked myself in my room because I didn't trust what I would do if I left it. But I held on because I knew that toxic situation was only lasting a year - plus my boyfriend proposed to me, so I had that to hold onto. (The whole situation -literally- went up in flames; that apartment caught fire the day I was to move out! No need to salt and burn the earth behind me!) I don't get that bad anymore. Now at my worst, I'm really upset and restless and will wander the apartment, but can't settle down to DO anything.

Or...I dunno. That's how I remember it. But maybe it was part of my "it's too much effort to do anything" that I get when I'm in the down part of the cycle. Maybe I got as far as trying to get help, but actually creating a fuss was too much to bear. I don't know.

The more this thread goes on, and the more I can get this into words, the more I'm thinking I really should say something when I see my doctor tomorrow.

[Sapphire Silk]

I learned the hard way, early on, that the ONLY way to get help from anybody but a private practitioner is to CLAIM to be suicidal, even if you're not. That WILL get you into the system where you can then get the help you need. Just do NOT let them know that you are not suicidal until after you get the help you feel you need. I hate that the system works this way, but that's the way it is.

I'm sorry, but I totally disagree with this. It can open a very unpleasant can of worms, which can include a 72 hour involuntary hold in a mental hospital. Not something you want to put yourself through unless you really need it.

The more this thread goes on, and the more I can get this into words, the more I'm thinking I really should say something when I see my doctor tomorrow.

Please do. Please do.

[laborcat]

That's the point where I went to a "whole person wellness center" that was actually covered by my insurance. It had "regular" doctors (MD's) who worked with aroma therapists, chiropractors, acupuncturists and several nutritionists. When I walked in for my first appointment, the doctor was fixing some piece of equipment, wearing jeans and had her laptop opened to my file, which she had me look at to make sure that none of the other doctors had left anything out. I was completely impressed. She was the first doctor to actually listen to me, ask questions and tried to understand me and my life.

All of which was put into my file and everybody else I talked to at the place had the same attitude. They were going to get me better, not put me on the drug du jour, and sometimes the things they were going to tell me weren't going to make me happy, but they would also explain everything, in lots of detail, so I could understand what was going on.

I want a place like this. If there is one around here, I've not heard of it, but I haven't looked either. You may very well have shown me a new spark of hope in medicine.

[Dragon_Dreamer]

The one time I was ever put on an anti-depressant was Zoloft when I spent a year on my own.

The only way I can describe the roller coaster was up down up down UP DOWN UP CRASH BOOOOOOM... ending in me making an attempt at suicide. >.<

The doc's only response when I got out of the hospital? "Maybe we should adjust your dose." I walked out on that office and never went back.

DD and psychiatric meds don't mix. :P

PS: One of the other meds I've mentioned is the reason I now get sun poisoning, apparently. >.<

[SuperRTL]

I want a place like this. If there is one around here, I've not heard of it, but I haven't looked either. You may very well have shown me a new spark of hope in medicine.

I can't even tell you how much I love my doctor. I lost my insurance recently and they've worked with me to keep my costs down (huuuuuge discount if I pay in full that day). If my next insurance doesn't cover them (which would surprise me, they had a huge list of most of the major companies they work with) I will be sad and still pay out of pocket to see them.

[MnR]

The doc's only response when I got out of the hospital? "Maybe we should adjust your dose." I walked out on that office and never went back.

This so much! I went through two docs at the mental health center while dealing with my depression, bi-polar disorder and anxiety disorder. The second doctor put me on a cocktail of Seraquel, Geodon and Lexapro and I slept for almost 3 days, waking up only to take my pills before I'd pass out again. I made an emergency visit with the doc and he said "Ooh, that's too bad, let's double the dose of your Seraquel." I walked out of his office and got a meeting with my therapist and said "New Doctor... now."

[Seshat]

Unfortunately, the transition with a new psychoactive drug can take weeks or months; and there can be nasty transition-only side effects.

When I first went onto Cymbalta, I couldn't sleep. At all. I began suffering sleep-deprivation effects. My doctor put me on a benzodiazepam for the rest of the likely transition period, just so I could sleep.

Now that it's over, the only way you'll get my Cymbalta away from me is to pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Or find me some other psychoactive that works just as well or better on my symptom set.)

HOWEVER: a doctor shouldn't just be saying 'oh that's a shame, take this'. They should be pre-warning you about the transition phase with psychoactive drugs, they should be explaining, providing supportive medication if necessary, etc etc.

My best friend is severely mentally ill, and if she needs to make a major transition, the best way to do it is to hospitalise her and keep her sedated. Otherwise she could go nastily manic, depressive or psychotic: none of which are at all healthy!
She's a severe case, but I mention her to emphasise the point. Transitions on or off of psychoactive medications can be really nasty experiences.

They can also go perfectly smoothly, and you gradually improve without really noticing until one day you realise you haven't had (symptom) in weeks.

[Dragon_Dreamer]

Considering that in the last 10 years since swearing off shrinks, AND getting the Asperger's diagnosis that I have made FAR more progress than in my ENTIRE LIFE up to that point (again, had been seeing shrinks since age 7)... and have not been on ANY meds since (except for the occasional migrane meds and stuff for my bronchitis flareups)...

I'd say I may have never needed any of it. :P Some people do, I do better with good friends by my side. :P

And I agree, Seshat. I *should* have been warned of the possible side effects, but was told only to "see if it helped".

[LadyAndreca]

This is one reason I looooove my doctor. He talks to me about EVERY medication I'm taking, and writes down everything I say about my reactions to them, and actually discusses what my alternatives are if what we try doesn't work before I start anything new. The way he put it is, "I don't have a miracle pill that's going to cure you. What we're trying for is to get to a level where YOU are happy with your quality of life."

[Seshat]

"I don't have a miracle pill that's going to cure you. What we're trying for is to get to a level where YOU are happy with your quality of life."

They haven't put it in exactly those terms, but that's what my medical team is trying to do as well.

I still have depression episodes every day, and suicidal ideation at least once a week, but my QoL is vastly improved.

[Little Retail Rabbit]

I recently saw a new doctor to see if I could be referred for therapy for anxiety and depression as the last one didn't take it seriously at all and just fobbed off my fears. The new doctor rocks! He's having me referred to a talking therapy which he really thinks will help...he did ask what I thought about medication (I'm not keen) and he's paid attention to me and said we'll see how the therapy works before trying any medication. It's so nice to be taken seriously for a change!