Not sure how I feel about this.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

What I mean by "suck more at life" is that there are people out there who choose to be mean and evil (we see it on these boards at times), and commit crimes and cruelties that I'd never want to-- and they are 'worse' at life than I. Don't get me wrong-- I believe even the worst of these are human, and deserve basic human rights. But, my point is that I'm trying to tell myself that I'm not selling drugs, I'm not stealing, I'm not doing X that's bad for me or other people. I know life isn't a contest, but still working out things like how I feel about <thing X, Y, or Z that most people work out in early high school> kinda weirds me out.
I know I have health problems, and they/it seem/s to be more subtle than "I'm out of shape," (which yes I am ) so I'm going to try to document everything... for when I do have insurance again. :\ After all, it is only a matter of time.
And as to who I am? I've been thinking about that for at least a decade. I'm honestly coming around to the idea of "It's not what you are, it's who you're becoming." It's a quote from somewhere... I know it has something to do with writing, and awesome. It just seems like I'm at the bottom of the ladder right now.
EDIT: Dalesys... I'm somewhere between first and second. .___. :3

[Seshat]

What I mean by "suck more at life" is that there are people out there who choose to be mean and evil

Ahhh. In that case, yes, there are definitely people who suck at life WAY more than you do!

but still working out things like how I feel about <thing X, Y, or Z that most people work out in early high school> kinda weirds me out.

How do you know they worked it out in early high school?
Most teenagers haven't worked out most things - they copy each other, they copy TV, they copy adults. Most teenagers and many young adults are walking around feeling like they're a child in an adult-skin, terrified they're doing everything wrong.

So don't worry about it. If you want to, grab books from the library with titles like 'six things to learn about yourself' and read them and work through the exercises, but they're really just checklists and ideas lists for helping you to define your personal YOU.

There are many, many people who never work those things out. And there are some who are just starting when they're fifty or sixty. I'm in group therapy with some of those.

I know I have health problems, and they/it seem/s to be more subtle than "I'm out of shape," (which yes I am ) so I'm going to try to document everything... for when I do have insurance again. :\ After all, it is only a matter of time.

Good.

And as to who I am? I've been thinking about that for at least a decade.
<snippage>
It just seems like I'm at the bottom of the ladder right now.

It always looks that way when you're looking upwards.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

hm. I suppose the immaturity and pettiness that one sees so often is indeed because those teens stopped deciding at high school...
I honestly think some of my problems are because I think too much about most things, but not some things. I think I'll go back to the "Learn about yourself" exercise books-- the last one I picked up was about goals, and I don't work like that. That's what I learned . Goals are... well, it's like trying to function in Georgian English. Harder than it looks. Foreign, but shouldn't be. That sort of thing. I have a strange brain, but it's okay, because my mommy still loves me. (and the BF, and my friends. That's why, methinks. )

[Der Cute]

The_blum, I think you're doing the "why haven't I achieved this yet" timeline. I am guilty of that, a lot of the time, because I see people who are my age doing so much more than I am. They've had a job for over 5 years. They've saved up $. They have good health.

So, I look at myself and go WWWWWAAAAAAAA THIS SUCKS. Then I remember that I've had a lot of things to fight just to get HERE where I'm at now. So kicking myself for "you're not THERE" is something I really try to avoid. (it still happens at times). I'm proud of what I've done.
1. Got thru a DV incident and kicked him to curb, never happened again.
2. Got sz under control enough for to drive permanently
3. got an AAS degree
4. Paid this car off!
5. Had a baby
6. Getting the medical attention I need for the mental shit.
7. Being self-aware enough to see this ^^ and to work on it, and catch self doing things.

See, I may not be rich or uber beautiful, but I bring to this table more than I give self credit for.

Can you find milestones in your life? (and see, those milestones aren't the Get Married, Own House, Own 2 Cars, Have Kids, Have Career ones. Those milestones are MINE)

[teh_blumchenkinder]

I am slowly, very very slowly, starting to manuver out and away from "The Timeline" that is the stereotype, that seems to be in conjunction with "The Dream."
These are my milestones, outside of stuff like moving and what not, things I really didn't have control over.
0) Found Jesus. (hey, no giggling )
1) took control of a school magazine, pretty much single-handedly published it, and pioneered the use of audio in it. This was very out of character for me... I still don't know why or how... go teh!
2) broke through the reticence I've had since I could remember
3) moved out and lived on my own (still doing so, even!)
4) Discovered role-playing, which led to story-telling (a subtle, but very important, difference) This is very important, since I love stories, and plan on actually doing some author-ness myself.
5) matured enough to befriend my sister. I honestly didn't think we'd ever be friends.
6) Found Joe, my boyfriend, whom I intend to spend more of my life with
seven should be coming up soon-- enough money to not rely on my parents, and maybe, just maybe, give something back. Well, first I need to get the job I'm on base for... and get the shifts I need... I have an excellent shot however. I will be posting elsewhere if I get it. The only problem is the rather large time-chunk it is, and that evenings seem to be preferred, which isn't for me... eh. Problem for later. (<--see, right there, practice. ) *I'd even have enough money for health and dental insurance! O_O
EDIT: my parents gave me a car, so they wouldn't catch it if I crashed-- it still is 'theirs' in my mind... go fig... I'm *THIS CLOSE* to finishing college, and I'm not spending frivolously. Those are some positive things that I have a leg-up on compared to others, even by the "Timeline"

[Sakka]

Off topic, but I saw this and had to reply.

So ... who are YOU?

What do you want?




*will honestly be surprised if someone gets the reference*

[ShootMePlease]

This whole thread reminds me of the episode of The Golden Girls when Dorothy had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and all the doctors she went to told her it was in her head until she went to her neighbor Harry and he sent her to a specialist in his hospital. She then saw the doc who degraded her in a restaurant and told him off. Even his wife told him to shut up !!

Point is, if you know something's wrong don't give up searching for the right person who will listen and help. They are out there !!

[Kristev]

That was a 2-parter, and a pair of the best episodes of the series. Yes. The specialist understood what was wrong with Dorothy, as where everyone else merely dismissed her. Especially one Doctor, who was rather something of a sexist. As his wife began to realize at the table.

[Seshat]

Off topic, but I saw this and had to reply.




What do you want?




*will honestly be surprised if someone gets the reference*

Where are you going?


*Yes, I got the reference*

[Rapscallion]

What do you want?

B5. Sorry, catching up after a fun weekend.

Rapscallion