Dear patients...

[Metody]

Dear patients,

Cocaine is not an acceptable treatment for chest pain.

--Metody


Dear patients,

'You feed me. I don't feed myself' is not the same as 'I can't feed myself'. 'I don't use forks' is not the same as 'I can't hold a fork.' One of these will get you an aide to feed you, the other will get you a packet of hand wipes so you can clean up after you feed yourself with your fingers. Like a child. Because you don't want to feed yourself, and think you're punishing me by doing this.

--Metody


Dear patients,

If you stop taking your antipsychotic medication for a week, don't catch up by taking seven day's worth at once. You will go crazy, but in a new and unexpected direction. And then you'll have a heart attack, and then you'll end up on my floor.

--Metody




Dear patients,

If you are going to bite me, try to still have teeth. I will feel bad for laughing at you, but only later, and just a little.

--Metody





Dear patients,

If you are going to insult me, make sure you know what the insults mean. Calling me a 'cock-sucking dyke' is just going to make the aide ask you if you're sure you know what a dyke is. Later, we will all gather around at the nurse's station and have a jolly laugh at you.

--Metody


Dear doctors,

Don't tell me I'm the best nurse because I always do what I'm told. That makes me way more likely to start saying no.

--Metody


Dear patient,

It's true, I did say I needed a urine sample. I wish you'd used the little covered cup I gave you instead of your coffee mug.

--Metody


Dear family member,

I'd be way more likely to let you stick around while I did the dressing change if you hadn't just called your brother a pussy for wanting painkillers before I start poking at his one day old amputation stump, you utter failure of a human being.

--Metody


Dear other family member of another patient,

If you ever run out of a room screaming, 'Help, help, he needs help, please, oh, God, help!' there better be blood on the walls and guts on the floor, not diarrhea in the bed. This is a hospital. Poop is not an emergency here.

--Metody

[EvilEmpryss]

The insult and the poop emergency are the best!

[Draper Mel]

1) Isn't cocaine sometimes a cause of chest pain?

2) So how does this guy eat at home? Does someone feed his perfectly capable adult self? Demanding that a nurse feed you just forfeits any shred of dignity you might have had. And now you've pissed off your nurse. Have fun when you need that catheter.

8) I bet that guy cries when he stubs his toe. Those guys are always big sissies.

[Pixilated]

People like these are among the numerous reasons I thought it best to steer clear of nursing when looking for a new career ... (I do realize that not all patients are like these, by the way ...)

I am always amazed that health-care workers can cope as well as they can with the parade of humanity they see daily.

[mhkohne]

People like these are among the numerous reasons I thought it best to steer clear of nursing when looking for a new career ... (I do realize that not all patients are like these, by the way ...)

I am always amazed that health-care workers can cope as well as they can with the parade of humanity they see daily.

I work for a company that makes EEG equipment, so I get to hear a bit from the field. Given what the staff puts up with on a daily basis, I'm pretty surprised they don't get out the torches and pitchforks when we do an install sometimes. I mean they like better care for the patients, but one more piece of equipment to learn about and deal with is NOT what anyone in a hospital really wants.

[trailerparkmedic]

Cocaine is totally a cause of chest pain, heart attacks, and heart disease. One of my patients induced a heart attack when he ate several crack rocks so he wouldn't get arrested. In the words of one of my favorite doctors: "He failed his crack stress test."

Can't say anyone has tried to pay me in cocaine. I should ask the EMTs/paramedics if that has ever happened to them.

[Seshat]

"This is a hospital, poop is not an emergency here" is one of the good ones too. Given the sheer amount of biohazard in a hospital...

I'm always amazed at how clean modern hospitals are generally kept; and have a great deal of respect for the cleaning staff; including the cleaning aspect of nursing.

(Among my favourite books is one about Dr Semmelweis, and his discovery that simply washing his hands between patients reduced puerperal fever - childbed fever - significantly.)

I suspect that hospitals - simply by their nature - are one of the hardest places to keep clean; also one of the most vital.

[kpzra]

Can't say anyone has tried to pay me in cocaine. I should ask the EMTs/paramedics if that has ever happened to them.

I had one offer me some crack if I'd say he needed to go to the ER and not jail. He'd been pepper sprayed and already rinsed off (by the FD).

[Metody]

1) Isn't cocaine sometimes a cause of chest pain?

2) So how does this guy eat at home? Does someone feed his perfectly capable adult self? Demanding that a nurse feed you just forfeits any shred of dignity you might have had. And now you've pissed off your nurse. Have fun when you need that catheter.

Treating chest pain with cocaine is like treating bleeding with a knife.

She claimed that her daughter hand-fed her every bite that passed through her lips. And oh, how I wished she did have a catheter. Whenever she pooped, she'd wait until we had her clean and her brief and pads had been changed, and then she'd pee. The last time she pooped, I rolled her over and shoved a bedpan under her without bothering to clean her, and told her it wasn't going to move until it was full.

I used to be nice. This job is making me a bit of a bitch.

I work for a company that makes EEG equipment...I'm pretty surprised they don't get out the torches and pitchforks when we do an install sometimes.

I work on a tele floor. Most of the time I love the monitors - it's so cool that I can look up and see that my patients are well oxygenated and are in normal sinus! - but sometimes I would like to fling the stupid things against a wall. It's an endless battle to keep the pads on people, and then you get the yahoos who try to take the tele packs home. Thank goodness they beep when they're disconnected.

Can't say anyone has tried to pay me in cocaine. I should ask the EMTs/paramedics if that has ever happened to them.

Don't feel bad - no one's ever tried to pay me in cocaine either. I did get fruit snacks once, and someone brought us peaches the other week. Also, a guy offered me his iced tea if I gave him the whole tube of dilaudid, and another guy offered me his hoarded psych meds if I'd give him a whole strip of oxycontin.

My job isn't all bad. A lot of it really sucks, but that's the nature of working with people who are sick, weak and/or old. A lot of it is pretty awesome, like doing dressing changes, which I freaking love. Every once in a long while, you have a patient you love, and you get to see them become better. Then they go, and you're sad because you won't see this awesome person anymore, but happy because they're better and going back to their real life. If we have notice that they're going, we usually pitch in for a card and a little gift. Sometimes, they remember to write us and let us know how they're doing, and it's impossible to say how wonderful that is. It feels kind of lonely to never know how someone does when they're gone.

One of my patients heard I had a bad day and she drew me a picture of me as a cat to cheer me up. I've got it taped inside my locker door.

[telecom_goddess]

She claimed that her daughter hand-fed her every bite that passed through her lips. And oh, how I wished she did have a catheter. Whenever she pooped, she'd wait until we had her clean and her brief and pads had been changed, and then she'd pee. The last time she pooped, I rolled her over and shoved a bedpan under her without bothering to clean her, and told her it wasn't going to move until it was full.

My kids had a bad habit of doing that very same thing when they were in diapers

[PepperElf]

I'd be way more likely to let you stick around while I did the dressing change if you hadn't just called your brother a pussy for wanting painkillers before I start poking at his one day old amputation stump, you utter failure of a human being.

"utter failure of a human being" is too kind for him.

[jedimaster91]

I bet that guy cries when he stubs his toe. is tattooed head to toe with multiple piercings and passes out at the sight of an IV needle. Those guys are always big sissies.

Edited for my amusement.

People like these are among the numerous reasons I thought it best to steer clear of nursing when looking for a new career ... (I do realize that not all patients are like these, by the way ...)

I am always amazed that health-care workers can cope as well as they can with the parade of humanity they see daily.

This is one of the many reasons I went for imaging and not nursing. I get to (eventually) send my difficult patients back to the floor for the nurses to deal with.

As for coping, many healthcare workers have the most twisted sense of black humor ever. The kind where deep down, you know you shouldn't be laughing at the horrible, horrible thing that's happened to someone, but it's either that or have a nervous breakdown, or start strangling patients with the O2 tubing.

I used to be nice. This job is making me a bit of a bitch.

Nah. You just don't put up with their crap (pun intended ) anymore.


All joking aside, I have mad respect for nurses. I have several in my family. Healthcare would come to a grinding, screeching halt without nurses. So thank you, nurses, for all that you do.

[mhkohne]

(Among my favourite books is one about Dr Semmelweis, and his discovery that simply washing his hands between patients reduced puerperal fever - childbed fever - significantly.)

I hate that he got the short end of the stick, but what really bugs me is that some of the attitudes he ran into (we're right just because we are) are still in place - when they first started playing with checklists in hospitals for certain common procedures the push-back was massive, by people who damn well should know better.

[Seshat]

The last time she pooped, I rolled her over and shoved a bedpan under her without bothering to clean her, and told her it wasn't going to move until it was full.

I used to be nice. This job is making me a bit of a bitch.

The job is making you capable of behaving like a bitch when appropriate.

Nothing wrong with that. Start out with 'nice', sure, and remain nice to the people who warrant it. But ones who don't? They need to learn that you have limits and will stick to them.

[/QUOTE]Every once in a long while, you have a patient you love, and you get to see them become better. Then they go, and you're sad because you won't see this awesome person anymore, but happy because they're better and going back to their real life. If we have notice that they're going, we usually pitch in for a card and a little gift. Sometimes, they remember to write us and let us know how they're doing, and it's impossible to say how wonderful that is. It feels kind of lonely to never know how someone does when they're gone.[/QUOTE]

Note to self: write to the pain management program at Royal Melbourne Rehab.

Cling to the 'making good people healthier' part of the job. That's what you went into the profession for, after all!

I hate that he got the short end of the stick, but what really bugs me is that some of the attitudes he ran into (we're right just because we are) are still in place - when they first started playing with checklists in hospitals for certain common procedures the push-back was massive, by people who damn well should know better.

Tell me about it.

Anyone who's involved with peoples' lives or safety who objects to checklists should be forced to watch a marathon of "Air Crash Investigation" (aka "Mayday") episodes where failure to follow a checklist is the major cause of the crash.

[Sapphire Silk]

1) Isn't cocaine sometimes a cause of chest pain?

Oh, yes! It is a potent vasoconstrictor. However, it does have some medical applications: in ENT and ophthalmology. It's great for stopping nose bleeds, great as a local anesthetic.

2) So how does this guy eat at home? Does someone feed his perfectly capable adult self? Demanding that a nurse feed you just forfeits any shred of dignity you might have had. And now you've pissed off your nurse. Have fun when you need that catheter.

Ugh. I had a similar patient last week. He refused to order his own dinner, and wanted me to do it for him, even though he was capable of doing it himself. I refused, and instructed my student not to do it, either. Sometimes it is time to foster independence.

8) I bet that guy cries when he stubs his toe. Those guys are always big sissies.

Quoted for Truth.

I am always amazed that health-care workers can cope as well as they can with the parade of humanity they see daily.

To be honest, I think all nurses are, in their deepest heart of hearts, sadomasochists.

I had one offer me some crack if I'd say he needed to go to the ER and not jail. He'd been pepper sprayed and already rinsed off (by the FD).

I'm envious. No one has ever tried to bribe me with drugs.

She claimed that her daughter hand-fed her every bite that passed through her lips. And oh, how I wished she did have a catheter. Whenever she pooped, she'd wait until we had her clean and her brief and pads had been changed, and then she'd pee. The last time she pooped, I rolled her over and shoved a bedpan under her without bothering to clean her, and told her it wasn't going to move until it was full.

I used to be nice. This job is making me a bit of a bitch.

One of my patients heard I had a bad day and she drew me a picture of me as a cat to cheer me up. I've got it taped inside my locker door.

Look at that picture when you have patients like the above mentioned bitch.

It's things like that that help me cope with the asshattery I see all around me.