Public Address systems and the fun they cause.

[repsac]

Oh great. Now I'll have that song stuck in my head.

They're creepy and they're kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They're all together ooky,
The Addams Family.

Their house is a museum
Where people come to see 'em
They really are a scream
The Addams Family.

(Neat)
(Sweet)
(Petite)

So get a witches shawl on
A broomstick you can crawl on
We're gonna pay a call on
The Addams Family.

[K245five]

When I was at the airport getting ready to catch a flight out, I heard the following announcement go over the PA system:

"May I have your attention please! Would the Adams Family please report to the (airline) counter located near Gate C51? Would the Adams Family please report to the (airline) counter located near Gate C51? Thank you!"

[Dreamstalker]

Gurndigarn, I think I know which carrier that is...

On the same airline: "If you are seated next to a child, or someone who is acting like a child..."

(when an overly picky family was delaying pushback and getting everyone else visibly mad at them) "People, people! It's an airplane seat, not a living room set! Get your seat in a seat so we can leave on time, please!"....as expected, we were ten minutes late and said family had a tight connection which I think they ended up missing.

[Heksubah]

Back when I worked at the grocery store many moons ago there was a pharmacy in the back. Our head pharmacist was Jerry. (A real sweetie. He still remembers me, some 10 years later). Anywho, one night someone had to page him for a call and they came on the speaker. I was in the break room chatting with a friend and we heard the telltale squelch of someone about to transmit and looked up expectantly to hear...

"Jerry Felduh..fal..fleh..felk..falk..flah... fluh... falk... *moment of silence* Jerry, you have a call on the blue line. Jerry, a call on the blue line. *click*"

Obviously, they massively booched saying his last name and in the break room, and throughout the entire building, you could hear the employees and the customers who knew Jerry's last name (and those who didn't but who thought the whole thing hilarious anyways) snickering madly.

[braindead]

This was the big boss's idea of a joke.

Middle of the day page is hit. The president comes on and announces. "Attention ***** Employees. You are all fired. Thank you."

Yeah its funny now but at the time everybody just kinda stopped and looked around.

[Gurndigarn]

"We would like to thank you for flying [airline]. In order to ensure that you do not arrive at the terminal before the airplane, please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete and final stop and the captain turns off the 'fasten seat belts' sign."

[hecubus]

One I always wanted to try at a supermarket. I heard it on a episode of the "Bob Newhart Show:"

"Attention shoppers. Now announcing a special in the meat department. Meat. Thank you."

[Gawdzillers]

I didn't personally experience this, but I heard that a flight attendant announced at the end of a flight,
"Thank you for flying *airline*, please choose us again whenever you again have the insane urge to shoot through the clouds in a pressurized metal tube."

[Rapscallion]

"This is the voice of the Mysterons. Bring us the body of Captain Beige. He clashes with nothing."

I got away with that on Saturday, but they're already scared of me at work.

Rapscallion

[repsac]

These aren't mine, but I hope they make people from across the pond giggle. They're some I was told through friends who rode the Tube. (London Underground.) Yeah, some are only worth a giggle to train lovers.


"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage, what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand."

"Next time, you might find it easier to wait until the doors are open before trying to get on the train"

"Sorry ladies and gentlemen we'll have to wait here for a bit I've been told a computer has fallen off a table somewhere and all the signals have gone wrong so we're stuck"

[freaktard]

Another fond memory from my days at the Big S:

One time we were conducting business as usual, when over the PA everyone in the store was treated to sound of a woman having an enormous orgasm!

Apparently someone in the store somewhere was using the store phone to call one of those phone sex hotlines, and somehow it got patched into the store's PA system.

It only lasted a few seconds. I kept hoping a customer was going to ask me about it, because I so wanted to say, "Oh, sounds like someone was trying to page us from the employee breakroom." Sadly, no one did.

[Knightmare]

The funniest thing I heard at work was from a ZM calling another ZM. This was during a busy part of the day, and goes like this:

"Juan, please dial extension 234. Juan, 234."

1, 2, 3 4. Get it?

Yeah, it's not funny. There aren't many funny people at my company. But it was unintentional.

[Shironu-Akaineko]

None from me because I avoid the PA system like the plague. Despite being hidden by the Wall of Beer (tm) the idea that people will hear my voice all over the store gets me really iffy.

Shrimp

*Small backstory* The city of Matane is known for its shrimps. The new grocery manager is from there and is a tiny skinny lil thing.

Heard over the PA 10 minutes before store officially opens.

"The shrimp is being called on line one, The shrimp is being called on line one thank you!"

...

"Oops, Sorry, I meant the Shrimp of Matane!"

I need a man!

One of our cashiers, a slightly... over the hill lady, needed a grocery clerk to help her bag groceries for a customer. Here's what this genius says over the PA.

"I NEED A MAN! I NEED A MAN!"

She only caught on when somebody told her, 3 hours later on break time. Because she didn't catch one when everybody laughed at her.


I got it!

A new cashier girl over the PA:

"A Supervisor at the cash please, a...Oh wait, Nevermind, it's okay!"

Everyboy in the break room and fruits and veggies stopped short, looked at each other and LAUGHED!

[Emmeileia]

On the train once.

"We have arrived at Union Station. If you are going to the Toronto Maple Leafs game, and are currently drunk, please remeber to take your beer bottles off the train with you. If you don't, they roll around in the aisles, and no one is happy. So please take them off. We won't yell at you...in fact you will be commended. Have a nice night."

And all in the most cheerful voice.

[Pezzle]

Ha ha. We have fun with the PA at work.

The best one I have heard is off a Purser: "We hope you have enjoyed the ride as much as we enjoyed taking you for one"

I love it when you guys start cracking jokes about the plane blowing up and stuff. Makes me giggle every time. I had a flight attendant from CA to NJ who just cracked jokes about his job nonstop.

"In case of an emergency, O2 masks will drop from the cieling. Secure your mask first, and steal the O2 from the person next to you."

I was rollin.