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I Want a big blue cape with a large SC with a circle around it and a line thru it (like those no smoking signs).
The SC should be yellow, and the circle and line should be made of fire.
This one warrants that kind of cape. This was a verbal suplex of a customer with a wet willey finisher.
So, I'm at my favorite grocery store Meijer. (Like a Super Walmart, but nicer). They have a credit card they offer. If you sign up for the credit card you get a coupon so that your first purchase you get 10% off all non-grocery items.
Simple....right?
1) Sign up for card.
2) Put things in cart.
3) Check out.
4) Everything in the cart that is NOT groceries is 10% off.
So I'm waiting in line at the service desk. This guy in front of me in line is reading the cashier the riot act. I was not paying attention for the first minute, then started paying attention when I realized that his complaining was holding up the line.
Cast:
Me: Played by me.
SC: Scummy guy in his late 40's early 50's.
Girl: Cashier, girl, about 20-22ish.
Manager: Customer Service Manager, woman, low 30's
SC: The sign says that I get 10% off my purchases.
Girl: yes, on all non-grocery items, on the first purchase.
SC: Yeah, I didn't get that.
Girl: All you bought were groceries.
SC: No, I got other stuff too.
Girl: Yes, but those are all considered groceries.
SC: But there are booz and soap in there.
Girl: Yes, those are in the grocery area, and are considered groceries.
SC: Get a manager.
Manager: Hi...
SC: I DEMAND my discount.
Manager: What is going on?
SC: Your sign is lying, that is what is going on.
Manager: ok...
SC: It says that I will get 10% off, and you didn't give me my 10% off.
Girl: He has only grocery items on here (shows recipe).
Manager: these are all grocery items.
SC: No, some of them are not even food. There is a bottle of dishsoap on there, and some booz.
Manager: sir, those are both grocery items.
SC: No, they are not food.
Manager: the sign does not say food, it says grocery items. The store is broken up into segments, grocery is one of them. It is food, but also other food related items sold in that area.
SC: That is Bullshit.
Me: (bust up laughing)
SC: You got something to say?
Me: Well, silly question here, how much was the soap and the Booz?
Manager: The dishsoap was $0.99...but I don’t see any alcohol on here.
SC: (points at receipt) Right there, a bottle of Five o clock Vodka, $7.
Me: (Die laughing, seriously, bent over at the waist laughing, red faced and all).
SC: What is so F***ing funny.
Me: You.
SC (gets an angry look).
Me: You have been holding up the line here for almost 10 minutes because you are DEMANDING your 10% off on TWO items that total $8? Didn't they teach math in your school, or did you drop out before that part.
SC (gets an angrier look).
Me: Are you F***ing kidding me?!??!?! Even IF you are entitled to a discount, which you are NOT, then the discount would only be 80 CENTS. 80 F***ing CENTS. You are being all douchbagey over 80 F***ING CENTS. Seriously?
Girl: umm...also, according to this, you already used your 10% off discount. (have I mentioned this girl has PERFECT timing.)
SC: (sheepishly) well...see....
Me: Seriously!??!?! Not ONLY are you being all duchebagy over 80 F***ING CENTS, but on top of that, you are fraudently trying to STEAL 80 cents by using a discount that you don’t qualify for? Wow. Just F***ing Wow.
He just stood there for literally 6 seconds (which felt about 100 years long), then angrily snatched the receipt out of the girls hand and stormed off without a word.
Manager: I can't officially say thank you.
Girl: Thank you.
Me: I know that there are things that you can't say, but I'm glad I could say the things you were thinking.
Manager: (with a knowing smile) Yes.
The SC should be yellow, and the circle and line should be made of fire.
This one warrants that kind of cape. This was a verbal suplex of a customer with a wet willey finisher.
So, I'm at my favorite grocery store Meijer. (Like a Super Walmart, but nicer). They have a credit card they offer. If you sign up for the credit card you get a coupon so that your first purchase you get 10% off all non-grocery items.
Simple....right?
1) Sign up for card.
2) Put things in cart.
3) Check out.
4) Everything in the cart that is NOT groceries is 10% off.
So I'm waiting in line at the service desk. This guy in front of me in line is reading the cashier the riot act. I was not paying attention for the first minute, then started paying attention when I realized that his complaining was holding up the line.
Cast:
Me: Played by me.
SC: Scummy guy in his late 40's early 50's.
Girl: Cashier, girl, about 20-22ish.
Manager: Customer Service Manager, woman, low 30's
SC: The sign says that I get 10% off my purchases.
Girl: yes, on all non-grocery items, on the first purchase.
SC: Yeah, I didn't get that.
Girl: All you bought were groceries.
SC: No, I got other stuff too.
Girl: Yes, but those are all considered groceries.
SC: But there are booz and soap in there.
Girl: Yes, those are in the grocery area, and are considered groceries.
SC: Get a manager.
Manager: Hi...
SC: I DEMAND my discount.
Manager: What is going on?
SC: Your sign is lying, that is what is going on.
Manager: ok...
SC: It says that I will get 10% off, and you didn't give me my 10% off.
Girl: He has only grocery items on here (shows recipe).
Manager: these are all grocery items.
SC: No, some of them are not even food. There is a bottle of dishsoap on there, and some booz.
Manager: sir, those are both grocery items.
SC: No, they are not food.
Manager: the sign does not say food, it says grocery items. The store is broken up into segments, grocery is one of them. It is food, but also other food related items sold in that area.
SC: That is Bullshit.
Me: (bust up laughing)
SC: You got something to say?
Me: Well, silly question here, how much was the soap and the Booz?
Manager: The dishsoap was $0.99...but I don’t see any alcohol on here.
SC: (points at receipt) Right there, a bottle of Five o clock Vodka, $7.
Me: (Die laughing, seriously, bent over at the waist laughing, red faced and all).
SC: What is so F***ing funny.
Me: You.
SC (gets an angry look).
Me: You have been holding up the line here for almost 10 minutes because you are DEMANDING your 10% off on TWO items that total $8? Didn't they teach math in your school, or did you drop out before that part.
SC (gets an angrier look).
Me: Are you F***ing kidding me?!??!?! Even IF you are entitled to a discount, which you are NOT, then the discount would only be 80 CENTS. 80 F***ing CENTS. You are being all douchbagey over 80 F***ING CENTS. Seriously?
Girl: umm...also, according to this, you already used your 10% off discount. (have I mentioned this girl has PERFECT timing.)
SC: (sheepishly) well...see....
Me: Seriously!??!?! Not ONLY are you being all duchebagy over 80 F***ING CENTS, but on top of that, you are fraudently trying to STEAL 80 cents by using a discount that you don’t qualify for? Wow. Just F***ing Wow.
He just stood there for literally 6 seconds (which felt about 100 years long), then angrily snatched the receipt out of the girls hand and stormed off without a word.
Manager: I can't officially say thank you.
Girl: Thank you.
Me: I know that there are things that you can't say, but I'm glad I could say the things you were thinking.
Manager: (with a knowing smile) Yes.
That was great pwnage!
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