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Well, considering what my last few trips have been like, I got off relatively easy this time. Most of the problems came from children and their nonparents. Oh joy...
Story the first
Takes place in the pharmacy section/area, specifically around the razors/shaving cream/depilatory section. I needed to get some shaving cream, so was hunting for my brand. A woman with 2 kids came down the aisle, and I shifted my cart to the side. Well, apparently, despite hugging the shelf, it wasn't far enough over, so she hits my cart with hers, and doesn't say excuse me or sorry or anything. As she finally gets through, she looks down at her kids and tells them:
Her: See, honey, this is why I say people have no manners, they always take up SO much room. Remember, you always have to be careful not to do what SHE just did.
I rolled my eyes, looked up and responded.
Me: Yes, how DARE I not bend the laws of time and space, just because you can't steer a shopping cart.
Her: <catbuttface, hmphs and stomps away>
me: 1 SCs: 0
Story the second
In the bakery section, they have those little cases where you can reach in and get your own bagels, donuts, muffins, etc. Well, this mother told her kids they could each choose ONE treat. Does she tell them to use the tongs, or the sheets of wax paper provided? Of course not. And naturally, she lets the kids start munching. While I'm looking over the flatbread/wrap options, one such darling finished his treat and threw his napkin on the floor. Mommy dearest didn't pick it up, and continued on her way. Enter store employee.
SE: Excuse me, ma'am? I think you dropped this
Her: No, we didn't that's not our trash.
SE: Yes, yes it is. By the way, since they're eating them already, could you please step over here and pay for those donuts?
Her: ARE YOU CALLING ME A THIEF??!!
Me: Well, they took a product and consumed it without paying for it...what's the word for that...oh yes. THEFT.
Her: <Insert CBF, as she flips me the bird and grudgingly pays. Oh, the horrors, we made her waste $2 or so for her little angels!!>
Me: 2. SE: 1 SC: -1
Story the third
I needed a bathroom break, and headed over to do so, parking my cart outside (since, you know, the signs say no store merchandise inside the restrooms) I came out in time to see this guy with two sons emptying out my cart, dropping my stuff on the floor in an attempt to take it.
Me: EXCUSE you? Can you put MY stuff back in MY cart so I can continue MY shopping?!?
Him: But you weren't using it!
Me: I was in the restroom. The sign said not to take stuff in so I didn't. <I start picking up my stuff and try to put it back in the cart, and he scoots it away>
Him: you weren't here! Finders, keepers!
Me: What are you, 12?
Him: we need a cart!!
Me: <I look over at the cart bay where there are 50 or so carts stocked, look back at him, then look at the cart bay again.> Seriously...?
Him: Fine! Take it! Let's go, boys. The mean woman won't let us have a cart, so we have to find another one.
Me:
Enjoy your shopping!
Story the Fourth: Melon related Mayhem
I was perusing the cantaloupes, and managed to find one I wanted and placed it in my cart. Enter old sow, who started shrieking that I took HER cantaloupe! I won't detail the conversation because it was basically her repeated that I was a thief and me staring at her, dumbfounded until an employee came up and pointed out that since I was there first, I was under no obligation to surrender my melon, and that there were plenty of more to choose from.
...I mean, really...?
Sweet merciful crap, time for a coffee break! I head to the in-store Starbucks, and the barista recognizes me. She's training a new girl. This is important because Very Entitled Man is in line behind me. Which leads to...
Story the Fifth
I ordered an iced tea lemonade. And stepped over after paying for my drink, patiently waiting for it. Now, the new girl is apparently VERY new. First day on the job. So, while the regular barista (RB) walks her through how to make my drink, VEM starts doing the impatient huffing noises, tapping his foot, etc. Finally, after a whole 90 seconds of waiting:
VEM: Excuse me!! Am I going to get some service anytime today!?!
RB: We'll be with you in one minute, sir.
VEM: Stop holding her hand and let her figure it out. SOME of us have more IMPORTANT things to do than just stand around and wait to be acknowledged!
RB: Again, I'll be with you in one moment sir.
VEM: This is RIDICULOUS!! It's a COFFEE shop, and you're spending more time on a non-coffee drink. I just want COFFEE!!
RB: All right, sir, so, just a regular brewed coffee, what size?
VEM: No, NOT a regular brewed coffee, don't you pay attention!? <Rattles off an order for a very complicated drink, which I think just translates to "give me 12 shots of espresso because I haven't had a fix in 2 whole hours">
RB: Um, ok, give me one second. <She turns back to the new girl to make sure she's almost done with my drink and VEM looks like he's about to explode.
VEM: <looks at me> What the fuck is your problem, ordering TEA in a COFFEE shop!?!
Me:
Well, I WAS going to order coffee, but decided not to, by sheer virtue of the fact that I'd probably end up acting like you.
VEM: WHAT?!
Me: Well, you're all jittery. Like a crackhead waiting for a fix whose dealer just got arrested. No thank you.
VEM:
...I don't do drugs...it's just coffee!
Me: exactly. It's JUST coffee...
VEM:
NG: <Hands me my drink at this time> Um, here. Thanks for your patience with me.
Me:
No problem. Thanks so much for taking the time to make sure it came out RIGHT, instead of rushing through it. Good luck with the new job! <Pointed stare at VEM> It's rather amazing what people will do for JUST coffee...
VEM: <blinks stupidly>
RB: <Snorts and goes about making his drink.>
The beautiful thing here? While I was getting a straw for my drink and rearranging my bags, I actually heard VEM say thank you for his coffee before he left, in a much more subdued voice than he was using before. I think I broke him...but in a good way?
The End!!
Story the first
Takes place in the pharmacy section/area, specifically around the razors/shaving cream/depilatory section. I needed to get some shaving cream, so was hunting for my brand. A woman with 2 kids came down the aisle, and I shifted my cart to the side. Well, apparently, despite hugging the shelf, it wasn't far enough over, so she hits my cart with hers, and doesn't say excuse me or sorry or anything. As she finally gets through, she looks down at her kids and tells them:
Her: See, honey, this is why I say people have no manners, they always take up SO much room. Remember, you always have to be careful not to do what SHE just did.
I rolled my eyes, looked up and responded.
Me: Yes, how DARE I not bend the laws of time and space, just because you can't steer a shopping cart.
Her: <catbuttface, hmphs and stomps away>
me: 1 SCs: 0
Story the second
In the bakery section, they have those little cases where you can reach in and get your own bagels, donuts, muffins, etc. Well, this mother told her kids they could each choose ONE treat. Does she tell them to use the tongs, or the sheets of wax paper provided? Of course not. And naturally, she lets the kids start munching. While I'm looking over the flatbread/wrap options, one such darling finished his treat and threw his napkin on the floor. Mommy dearest didn't pick it up, and continued on her way. Enter store employee.
SE: Excuse me, ma'am? I think you dropped this
Her: No, we didn't that's not our trash.
SE: Yes, yes it is. By the way, since they're eating them already, could you please step over here and pay for those donuts?
Her: ARE YOU CALLING ME A THIEF??!!
Me: Well, they took a product and consumed it without paying for it...what's the word for that...oh yes. THEFT.
Her: <Insert CBF, as she flips me the bird and grudgingly pays. Oh, the horrors, we made her waste $2 or so for her little angels!!>
Me: 2. SE: 1 SC: -1
Story the third
I needed a bathroom break, and headed over to do so, parking my cart outside (since, you know, the signs say no store merchandise inside the restrooms) I came out in time to see this guy with two sons emptying out my cart, dropping my stuff on the floor in an attempt to take it.
Me: EXCUSE you? Can you put MY stuff back in MY cart so I can continue MY shopping?!?
Him: But you weren't using it!
Me: I was in the restroom. The sign said not to take stuff in so I didn't. <I start picking up my stuff and try to put it back in the cart, and he scoots it away>
Him: you weren't here! Finders, keepers!
Me: What are you, 12?
Him: we need a cart!!
Me: <I look over at the cart bay where there are 50 or so carts stocked, look back at him, then look at the cart bay again.> Seriously...?
Him: Fine! Take it! Let's go, boys. The mean woman won't let us have a cart, so we have to find another one.
Me:
Enjoy your shopping!Story the Fourth: Melon related Mayhem
I was perusing the cantaloupes, and managed to find one I wanted and placed it in my cart. Enter old sow, who started shrieking that I took HER cantaloupe! I won't detail the conversation because it was basically her repeated that I was a thief and me staring at her, dumbfounded until an employee came up and pointed out that since I was there first, I was under no obligation to surrender my melon, and that there were plenty of more to choose from.
...I mean, really...?
Sweet merciful crap, time for a coffee break! I head to the in-store Starbucks, and the barista recognizes me. She's training a new girl. This is important because Very Entitled Man is in line behind me. Which leads to...
Story the Fifth
I ordered an iced tea lemonade. And stepped over after paying for my drink, patiently waiting for it. Now, the new girl is apparently VERY new. First day on the job. So, while the regular barista (RB) walks her through how to make my drink, VEM starts doing the impatient huffing noises, tapping his foot, etc. Finally, after a whole 90 seconds of waiting:
VEM: Excuse me!! Am I going to get some service anytime today!?!
RB: We'll be with you in one minute, sir.
VEM: Stop holding her hand and let her figure it out. SOME of us have more IMPORTANT things to do than just stand around and wait to be acknowledged!
RB: Again, I'll be with you in one moment sir.
VEM: This is RIDICULOUS!! It's a COFFEE shop, and you're spending more time on a non-coffee drink. I just want COFFEE!!
RB: All right, sir, so, just a regular brewed coffee, what size?
VEM: No, NOT a regular brewed coffee, don't you pay attention!? <Rattles off an order for a very complicated drink, which I think just translates to "give me 12 shots of espresso because I haven't had a fix in 2 whole hours">
RB: Um, ok, give me one second. <She turns back to the new girl to make sure she's almost done with my drink and VEM looks like he's about to explode.
VEM: <looks at me> What the fuck is your problem, ordering TEA in a COFFEE shop!?!
Me:
Well, I WAS going to order coffee, but decided not to, by sheer virtue of the fact that I'd probably end up acting like you.VEM: WHAT?!
Me: Well, you're all jittery. Like a crackhead waiting for a fix whose dealer just got arrested. No thank you.
VEM:
...I don't do drugs...it's just coffee!Me: exactly. It's JUST coffee...
VEM:
NG: <Hands me my drink at this time> Um, here. Thanks for your patience with me.
Me:
No problem. Thanks so much for taking the time to make sure it came out RIGHT, instead of rushing through it. Good luck with the new job! <Pointed stare at VEM> It's rather amazing what people will do for JUST coffee...VEM: <blinks stupidly>
RB: <Snorts and goes about making his drink.>
The beautiful thing here? While I was getting a straw for my drink and rearranging my bags, I actually heard VEM say thank you for his coffee before he left, in a much more subdued voice than he was using before. I think I broke him...but in a good way?
The End!!
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