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So, lots of people visiting our area for the holiday weekend. Which, of course, means an increase in the forecast level of suckiness. Name's changed to protect the innocent.
It started last night, when I ran to the grocery for some last minute items (ice cream...mmmm.)
Toddler in Disguise
I swung by the deli counter, to see if I could get some lunch meats since the cafeteria is closed this week for a remodel. I walked up, asked an employee if they were still open (they were removing the salads and other stuff from the cooler) and was told they had closed. So I started to walk away. Enter little miss needs a time out, a toddler in disguise if you will, who appears to be in her early 20's. When the yelling started I hung back to eavesdrop in case she made any crazy claims about the staff being rude. I mean, who would ever do that sort of thing?
TiD: Toddler in Disguise
E: Deli guy
NM: Night manager of the grocery store
TiD: I need 3 pounds of roast beef.
E: I'm sorry, miss, but we're closed for the evening. We'll be open again at 9:00 tomorrow morning.
TiD: I'm a customer and the store is still open, now get me what I need.
E: I'm sorry, but the deli counter is closed and we've already broken down the equipment for the evening.
TiD: I AM A CUSTOMER! Get me a manager!
(The night manager was in earshot for this, he was picking up the cash drawers from the bakery & sandwich area)
NM: Can I help you, ma'am?
TiD: YES! He (points at E) refused to give me meat! (Just so we're clear, I found this line hilarious and really had to fight not laugh. I have a dirty mind. -ed.)
NM: I'm afraid the deli is closed for the night, but we open at 9 AM tomorrow for anything you-
TiD: The STORE is still OPEN! Make him give me what I want!
NM: Miss, the deli is closed. You can either let it go or I will have to ask you to leave.
TiD: AAAAAAAAAA! *footstomp and storms away*
E & NM exchanged a knowing glance and went back to work. Some peoples overgrown children, eh?
Red light means...just keep going?
As I was leaving with my coveted Ben & Jerry's ice cream, I stopped for the red light at the driveway and waited for traffic to clear. I could see it turn red for oncoming traffic and turn green for me. Unfortunately, the entire line of cars just kept going right through the red light.
By the time they had finished, the light was red for me again. Since I was turning right, I did so but I don't think I've ever seen that many cars in a row completely ignore a red light around here.
Conspiracy Stromboli
And now, the story you've all been waiting for. This happened today. I was doing laundry and went in to the grocery store order a couple of delicious garlic meatball strombolis to bring home for dinner. The store was packed, but my order was placed and they promised steaming hot stromboli for me half an hour later. The trouble started when I picked up my food...
Me: I think you know
PG: Pizza guy (who also makes the stromboli)
CL: Conspiracy lady. Not your friendly neighborhood superhero.
SM: Store Manager
I walked up to the counter where CL was trying to get a couple of meatball strombolis to go. Clearly, she has good taste. I can't say much else, but I can say that.
PG: I'm sorry ma'am, but we don't have any meatball stromboli out right now. We've got pepperoni or chicken sausage & broccoli.
CL: But I want meatball.
PG: I'm sorry but that's all we've got. Can I get you something else? Or we could make some for you, but it will be about a half hour before they're ready.
CL: No, I don't want something else and I'm in a hurry. (She goes quiet and keeps staring at the hot food display, so I just walk up past her to the food pickup)
Me: Hi, I had two stromboli to go. I want to pay for them up front. (since I had to grab a couple other items from frozen foods on my way to the registers)
PG: Right, two meatball stromboli. (grabs them off the pizza oven) Here you go.
CL: HEY! I wanted meatball stromboli and you said you didn't have any! How come he gets some?
PG: Well, he order-
CL (to me): Give me those, those are MY strombolis! I was here first!
Me: -_- I came in and ordered these half an hour ago. If you want to order some, though, they'll hold them for you just like they did for me.
CL: I am in a hurry! Don't you know these things? Now hand over my stromboli or else.
Me: Yeah, sorry, I'm gonna call that bluff. (and I start walking away.)
CL: STOP! THIEF! HE'S STEALING MY FOOOD!
Me: *under my breath* Crazy is as crazy does.
In the meantime, CL is starting to follow me, and PG is yelling for a coworker while he runs around the counter to follow her. The ruckus has caught the attention of the store manager, with whom I worked for nearly 5 years at this store and another of the same chain, some years ago. Seeing him head over, I walk up to meet him.
SM: Whoa, Gerrinson, what's going on here, dude?
Me: I walked into a crazy storm and now you're going to get hit with it.
CL & PG catch up to us.
CL: HA! You caught him! That thief (pointing at me) stole my food! Your employee just handed it over to him after I ordered it.
SM: PG, go back to your station I'll come see you in a minute, I've got this. Now, ma'am, what exactly happened here?
CL: Well, I came in here half an hour ago and ordered a couple of meatball stromboli. When I came to pick them up, that liar (pointing at PG) told me he was all out and there weren't any for me. Then this thief (pointing at me again) walked up and your lying employee handed him MY meatball strombolis.
SM: Alright. Gerrinson, now let's here your side of it.
Me: Well, Jake, I came over after I put my laundry in the drier to order a couple meatball strombolis to take home for dinner. When I came to pick them up, this woman was trying to order a couple, but PG told her they were out. Which was true, all they had were these two, which quite literally have my name all over them. (Seriously, my last name was written on the boxes
)
CL: LIAR! They are for me!
SM: Please calm down, ma'am, we'll get this straightened out. Now, I see that there is a name on these boxes, could I see some ID to find out if your name matches it?
CL: (Her face is overcome by a look of dawning comprehension, since my addressing the SM by his nickname obviously didn't make it clear that he knew me. Then the crazy kicks back in) WHAT??? I'm a customer! How dare you question me? This...this...this is a CONSPIRACY! To steal my food!
SM: Ma'am, it's not a conspiracy to ask you to prove your name. If the name on the box is yours, then we'll discuss this further. If not, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
CL: You're all in on it, it's just one big conspiracy! Give me my food or I'll call the police!
SM: Gerrinson, you really weren't kidding were you? It's clearly your name on the box, have a good holiday. (He waves for me to move on) Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Or, if you like, I'll call the police for you.
Me: Thanks, Jake. Hope your holiday gets better. Mine is going to be great because I get to go home and enjoy my conspiracy stromboli.
At which point, I left poor Jake to deal with CL's ranting as he herded her out of the store. I felt kind of bad, but I don't think my presence was going to make it easier on him.
It turns out that conspiracy stromboli tastes even better than regular stromboli.
It started last night, when I ran to the grocery for some last minute items (ice cream...mmmm.)
Toddler in Disguise
I swung by the deli counter, to see if I could get some lunch meats since the cafeteria is closed this week for a remodel. I walked up, asked an employee if they were still open (they were removing the salads and other stuff from the cooler) and was told they had closed. So I started to walk away. Enter little miss needs a time out, a toddler in disguise if you will, who appears to be in her early 20's. When the yelling started I hung back to eavesdrop in case she made any crazy claims about the staff being rude. I mean, who would ever do that sort of thing?
TiD: Toddler in Disguise
E: Deli guy
NM: Night manager of the grocery store
TiD: I need 3 pounds of roast beef.
E: I'm sorry, miss, but we're closed for the evening. We'll be open again at 9:00 tomorrow morning.
TiD: I'm a customer and the store is still open, now get me what I need.
E: I'm sorry, but the deli counter is closed and we've already broken down the equipment for the evening.
TiD: I AM A CUSTOMER! Get me a manager!
(The night manager was in earshot for this, he was picking up the cash drawers from the bakery & sandwich area)
NM: Can I help you, ma'am?
TiD: YES! He (points at E) refused to give me meat! (Just so we're clear, I found this line hilarious and really had to fight not laugh. I have a dirty mind. -ed.)
NM: I'm afraid the deli is closed for the night, but we open at 9 AM tomorrow for anything you-
TiD: The STORE is still OPEN! Make him give me what I want!
NM: Miss, the deli is closed. You can either let it go or I will have to ask you to leave.
TiD: AAAAAAAAAA! *footstomp and storms away*
E & NM exchanged a knowing glance and went back to work. Some peoples overgrown children, eh?
Red light means...just keep going?
As I was leaving with my coveted Ben & Jerry's ice cream, I stopped for the red light at the driveway and waited for traffic to clear. I could see it turn red for oncoming traffic and turn green for me. Unfortunately, the entire line of cars just kept going right through the red light.
By the time they had finished, the light was red for me again. Since I was turning right, I did so but I don't think I've ever seen that many cars in a row completely ignore a red light around here.Conspiracy Stromboli
And now, the story you've all been waiting for. This happened today. I was doing laundry and went in to the grocery store order a couple of delicious garlic meatball strombolis to bring home for dinner. The store was packed, but my order was placed and they promised steaming hot stromboli for me half an hour later. The trouble started when I picked up my food...
Me: I think you know
PG: Pizza guy (who also makes the stromboli)
CL: Conspiracy lady. Not your friendly neighborhood superhero.
SM: Store Manager
I walked up to the counter where CL was trying to get a couple of meatball strombolis to go. Clearly, she has good taste. I can't say much else, but I can say that.
PG: I'm sorry ma'am, but we don't have any meatball stromboli out right now. We've got pepperoni or chicken sausage & broccoli.
CL: But I want meatball.
PG: I'm sorry but that's all we've got. Can I get you something else? Or we could make some for you, but it will be about a half hour before they're ready.
CL: No, I don't want something else and I'm in a hurry. (She goes quiet and keeps staring at the hot food display, so I just walk up past her to the food pickup)
Me: Hi, I had two stromboli to go. I want to pay for them up front. (since I had to grab a couple other items from frozen foods on my way to the registers)
PG: Right, two meatball stromboli. (grabs them off the pizza oven) Here you go.
CL: HEY! I wanted meatball stromboli and you said you didn't have any! How come he gets some?
PG: Well, he order-
CL (to me): Give me those, those are MY strombolis! I was here first!
Me: -_- I came in and ordered these half an hour ago. If you want to order some, though, they'll hold them for you just like they did for me.
CL: I am in a hurry! Don't you know these things? Now hand over my stromboli or else.
Me: Yeah, sorry, I'm gonna call that bluff. (and I start walking away.)
CL: STOP! THIEF! HE'S STEALING MY FOOOD!
Me:
*under my breath* Crazy is as crazy does.In the meantime, CL is starting to follow me, and PG is yelling for a coworker while he runs around the counter to follow her. The ruckus has caught the attention of the store manager, with whom I worked for nearly 5 years at this store and another of the same chain, some years ago. Seeing him head over, I walk up to meet him.
SM: Whoa, Gerrinson, what's going on here, dude?
Me: I walked into a crazy storm and now you're going to get hit with it.
CL & PG catch up to us.
CL: HA! You caught him! That thief (pointing at me) stole my food! Your employee just handed it over to him after I ordered it.
SM: PG, go back to your station I'll come see you in a minute, I've got this. Now, ma'am, what exactly happened here?
CL: Well, I came in here half an hour ago and ordered a couple of meatball stromboli. When I came to pick them up, that liar (pointing at PG) told me he was all out and there weren't any for me. Then this thief (pointing at me again) walked up and your lying employee handed him MY meatball strombolis.
SM: Alright. Gerrinson, now let's here your side of it.
Me: Well, Jake, I came over after I put my laundry in the drier to order a couple meatball strombolis to take home for dinner. When I came to pick them up, this woman was trying to order a couple, but PG told her they were out. Which was true, all they had were these two, which quite literally have my name all over them. (Seriously, my last name was written on the boxes
)CL: LIAR! They are for me!
SM: Please calm down, ma'am, we'll get this straightened out. Now, I see that there is a name on these boxes, could I see some ID to find out if your name matches it?
CL: (Her face is overcome by a look of dawning comprehension, since my addressing the SM by his nickname obviously didn't make it clear that he knew me. Then the crazy kicks back in) WHAT??? I'm a customer! How dare you question me? This...this...this is a CONSPIRACY! To steal my food!
SM: Ma'am, it's not a conspiracy to ask you to prove your name. If the name on the box is yours, then we'll discuss this further. If not, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
CL: You're all in on it, it's just one big conspiracy! Give me my food or I'll call the police!
SM: Gerrinson, you really weren't kidding were you? It's clearly your name on the box, have a good holiday. (He waves for me to move on) Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Or, if you like, I'll call the police for you.
Me: Thanks, Jake. Hope your holiday gets better. Mine is going to be great because I get to go home and enjoy my conspiracy stromboli.
At which point, I left poor Jake to deal with CL's ranting as he herded her out of the store. I felt kind of bad, but I don't think my presence was going to make it easier on him.
It turns out that conspiracy stromboli tastes even better than regular stromboli.
for you and 
for the SC
He is my Black Dragon (and yes, a good one) strong, protective, the guardian. I am his Silver Dragon, always by his side, shining for him, cherishing him.
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