Dear Transit Riders, part 2

[cindybubbles]

This thread inspired me to do my own "Dear Bus Riders".

Dear Screaming Old Lady:

Just because my seatmate offered her seat to you doesn't give you the right to yell at her, and start a LOUD monologue about this and that! In fact, it's BECAUSE of your attitude that I was afraid to offer you MY seat! A simple "No, thank you" would suffice.

No thanks,

Me

Dear Cop Skeptic:

Although I thoroughly enjoyed your "Can you trust a cop?" speech while riding the subway, you didn't have to do it over and over again. Seriously, if you're doing it now, please STOP. So you don't trust cops. We get it. OK?

Sincerely,

Me

Dear Musicians:

Thanks so much for the impromptu concert on the train! I really enjoyed it!

Love,

Me

Dear Babies:

You are all so CUTE! I wish I could have said that to all of you, but alas, there are many of you and only one of me.

Love, Hugs and Kisses,

Me

Dear Customers Suck Members:

What would you like to say to other patrons of public transit?

Sincerely,

Me

[Pixilated]

Jeez, I haven't taken public transit in so long (at least on a regular basis) ... I'm going to have to go waaay back on Memory Lane to dredge up a few from the days when I was a regular user of Toronto's subway system.

------------------------

Dear Transit Rider with Your Legs Stuck Way Out There ... WAAAAY Out There:

Be assured I will be happy to stomp on your ankle(s) as I stumble out of the car, and will then offer a most insincere apology as the doors close.

------------------------
Dear Bigoted Old ****:

If you are going to hurl racist epithets at people, I will be most happy to claim to have seen nothing at all if and when less patient members of that ethnic group converge on you in the subway station.
-------------------------

I originally started the above with 'Bigoted Old Bat' but it then occurred to me that such a usage was undeservedly offensive towards bats, who are generally helpful and rather cute little critters.

[Aethian]

Dear riders of CATA...My Mom has a walker, it has wheels. At some times she wears a brace on either knee because they HURT and she isn't quite done with therapy for her knee surgery. Making comments to her about her weight/age/looks will cause me to want to be stabity. Be thankful my ex didn't get me that military knife I oooed over when we were together.

Sincerely
Me

[sms001]

Yes oh touristy one. The el DOES go underground. And I PROMISE that if you stay on this train your clothes, cologne, attitude and naivete are going to get you heckled...at BEST. Please get off now and grab a cab back to Wrigleyville.

Hey tweener! You totally ruined my gallantry by practically JUMPING up and givin' the en-caned granny your seat. Bonus points for each of you being from groups notorious for not getting along. What, didjor mother raise you up right or sumpin'?

No. Yelling "Hey, a little help here?" will not get me to track down the produce (apples?) that rolled out of your ill-secured bag. Even if I saw any nearby, it's on the car floor amongst dozens and dozens of feet. 'fraid you're on your own here pally.

[MoonCat]

To the morons who get on a bus that's more than half empty and then stand up front next to the driver, and stay there for 15 blocks:

SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!!!

You're in the way, fools!!

*whew* Thanks! I feel better now!

[Flying Grype]

The subway trains here have a bar that runs along the center of the ceiling to hang onto, and vertical bars every few seats that go from the ceiling to the floor.

If you are a tall person who can comfortably reach that center ceiling bar while standing, PLEASE DO SO. Leave the vertical bars to us shorties. I can hook two fingers around the center ceiling bar, and I might as well be hanging onto nothing for all the added stability it gives me. For safety's sake, give me some room on a vertical bar so that I can keep my 5'4" 180 lb body from careening around the cabin like an extra-dense superball.

[Draper Mel]

Please have your money/transit card ready when the bus arrives. You know you're getting on the bus, it's not like it's a surprise. Don't make the rest of us wait while you dig around in your bottomless purse/backpack/whatever.

Don't put your stuff on the seat next to you at rush hour. Unless you actually paid for two seats. I'm pretty sure you didn't.

Quit arguing with your girlfriend/boyfriend/baby daddy/baby momma/whoever on your cell phone. Nobody wants to hear that.

Quit playing your obnoxious rap music through the tinny speaker on your phone. You can get cheap headphones at the drugstore. Shoplift them if you have to. Those Dr. Dre Beats will have to wait.

Soap, water and deodorant are your friends. I, on the other hand, am not, so please leave me alone. The status of my relationship with Jesus is none of your business. And I have no extra change.

[WoodenSunshine]

Dear Guy in the Quiet Car,

This is the quiet car on the train at six in the morning. If your music is so loud I can make out every word through your headphones, we have a problem. Yes, I complained very passive aggressively to my boyfriend about rude people on the quiet car. Yes, I was talking about you.

Sincerely,
Woodensunshine

[camjuniper]

Dear Regular Driver of my Regular Bus:

Would it kill you to stick the schedule? Being late occasionally is understandable, but you are often 15+ minutes late. It makes scheduling a bitch.


Dear Creepster with the nasty pipe and stained beard:

I don't want to talk to you. I'm wearing headphones for a reason. I will keep ignoring you until you take your creeping elsewhere. I'm a middle child. I can ignore the f*ck out of ANYONE.


Dear Cologne Bather:

A DAB OR TWO. Seriously. Do NOT bathe in this shit. It is not a substitute for proper hygiene, it makes my eyes water and my nose stuff up and generally has the opposite of the advertised effect when you use too damn much of it.


Dear Middle School Kids:

Don't push in front of me. Stop taking up extra seats with your scooters. Please give me a chance to move out of the way WHEN THE BUS STOPS instead of crawling over me with your gangly limbs when we're still a block away.


Dear Old Male Vets (particularly in wheelchairs)*:

1. You're way too old. 2. You smoke. 3. They call it a personal life for a reason. 4. Headphones or books mean I don't want to talk to you. 5. You are exactly the opposite of charming. 6. I dress this way for a reason. You are not that reason. Everyone else reads me as total DYKE. Don't you know anything about this city and college here?? 7. Don't EVER propose to me on the bus again. I don't care that it was a joke.

*I'm not discriminating here--there has been a disturbing trend of old vets (my regular bus services the VA hospital) in wheelchairs hitting on me . . . . I can't figure it out either.

[cindybubbles]

If you put your stuff on a chair, and someone asks to sit on that seat, the proper response is "Yes", or "Okay", then take said stuff off of your seat, if you intend to stand there. If you are going to sit down on that seat, tell them so, take your stuff, sit down, and put stuff on your lap.

DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, yell "NO!" and tell that person that the seat is reserved for your stuff. Seats are for paying humans only; humans who legitimately sit free of charge are still considered "paying humans". Even our pets know that!

Sadly, this happened to my mother one time.

[Pixilated]

Dear "Right at Home" Rider,
If you insist on sprawling across two or more seats during busy times, you may end up with me in your lap. This will not result in the excitement that those words might suggest. I am middle-aged, graying and *mumblety-mumble* pounds heavier than I should be. At best, you will get a bruisin'. At worst, some of your internal organs may need medical attention very, very quickly.

[Seshat]

Dear people who choose to use the front part of the front carriage of the train:

You know this position is the only way those of us in wheelchairs or scooters can use the train system at all. If it bothers you to have to get out of our way, you have the whole REST OF THE TRAIN you can use.


Dear other-people-in-scooters-and-wheelchairs:

Yes, I got on before you. I live at the second-last station on the line. Yes, this means I have to do an awkward little scooter-dance to make room for you.

If you would prefer the facing-forward position, please let the driver and I know before I scoot into that one; not as you're leaving the train. Especially if you have medical reasons for wanting it.

[Eireann]

Dear people who like to congregate around the only empty seat on the tram:

Move. Just move. You're blocking anyone else from sitting there, and it's obvious that none of you will take that seat, so move. There's room up front and in the back.

To the old fart on the metro, years ago:

If you want to sit, the polite thing to do is to ASK someone to move. When you approach a bench-style seat that has PLENTY of room available, DON'T wave your hands at the people already sitting on it as a way of not asking, but telling, them to free it for you. And when you sit down, pissed off because (as far as I can tell) you're not sitting right at the end of the seat, DON'T turn to the person (me) who is sitting there, and hit said person in the ankle with your bag, which contains a heavy object. It hurts.

Oh, and by the way, Old Fart, I have often wished I had taken your bag when I walked off the train after you hit me, then dropped the bag in the trash. You would have deserved it.

[Lyse]

Dear Lady on the Max,

Yes, the train is crowded at 5:30. Yes, I am sitting in the row directly in front of the wall, with an open seat next to me. Yes, I have a rolling backpack with my school books, computer, and various other items which is a bit bulky. This does not mean that you can reach out, grab my bag, and try to move it into the aisle and away from me.

I grabbed me bag and pulled it firmly against my legs, while giving her a "WTF" look.

[Chromatix]

Dear teenagers:

I know you're proud of your new phone and the fact that it can play arbitrary music as a ringtone. I know you want to show it off to your friends.

Unfortunately the rest of us on this train are rather less enamoured with your choice of music, the volume at which you are playing it, and can readily discern that a mobile phone's speaker has no bass.

Also, dear smokers,

Please don't light up in places that practically guarantee that everyone around you will have to breathe your smoke. These places include bus shelters, the area immediately adjacent to building entrance doors, parts of a railway station that have a roof or a canopy, and the walk between the main station platform and the entrance of the Metro.

I should also note that most of the above mentioned areas are actually illegal to smoke in, at least in this country. I wish that were better enforced.

Best regards.