Dumb Questions: List 'Em!

[Dark Psion]

I had a few good ones last Sunday. Now we do not open till 12 noon, but in the Greenhouse season I will come in an hour or two early to water and clean up. Last Sunday people could not understand the concept of "We are not open yet"

I would tell each person that showed up we were closed and would not be open till 12, but.....

I had three still go try an open the doors to see if we were really closed.

I had one who wanted to "just look" at the plants, get a bunch and then wanted to buy them and acted surprised when I told him again that we were closed.

Several kept giving me "Looks" as I was watering and didn't care who got wet since we are closed!

But the best of the bunch, the stupidest question I have had all year came from a lady to whom I had just said; "we were closed and would not be open till 12"

And she said, "But when do they unlock the doors?"

[justZu]

From my son's days at Dollar Tree:

Do you sell milk and lunchmeat?

[Jack T. Chance]

My list, such as it is...

Several years ago, a friend sent me a fantastic email, which contained a list of Frequently Asked Questions you hear in retail, that are poorly worded. The reason they're poorly worded is that when you think them through logically, taking into account the literal meanings of the words, they don't quite mean what the customers that use them intend for them to mean.

I wish I still had that email, because it was great fun and I only remember 2 from the list. And I have endless fun with the first one. Basically, you can have lots of fun with the intellectually challenged with these 2, by simply giving the appropriate response(s) as listed here!

• Customer: "Can I ask you a question?"
  Employee (Me): "You just did! You didn't give me much of a choice in the matter!"
  C: "Ummm... well... can I ask you another one?"
  E: "Again, you just did! Someone's not doing a very good job of paying attention here!"
• C: "Do you know what time it is?"
  E: *Glances at watch* "Yes, yes I do."

What's really great about that first one is that it came in handy in the last mall I worked in. They had a kiosk there selling hand lotions and/or nail care products, and the management of the store made the employees ask everyone walking by "Can I ask you a question?" I had endless fun anytime there was a newbie working at the kiosk that didn't know I worked in the mall!

[draftermatt]

Job #2 is for an International Dealership (big rigs)
"I have a Kenworth/Peterbilt/Mack (anything not affiliated with International) can you...
Note, I can look up parts for their engines, and engines only. And you need the serial number. I cannot get you a headlight for your Kenworth.
"Parts, this is Matt"
"Hi is this service?"

Job #1. Concrete company
"company name, inc. may I help you"
"Is this the doctor's office"

"Ma'am, what you are asking of this slab won't work. It cannot span that distance."
"What would you charge me for it?" Seriously? I mean c'mon. I tell you it will fall the frick down and kill someone and you want to know the price...

"How soon can you deliver?" This is often asked when there are no approvals, no contracts, no drawings, something along those lines. Plus, don't ask me this if you don't know when you are going to want it.

"Where are the drawings?"
9.5 times out of 10 this is asked when we have sent questions or other issues to them concerning why we cannot submit the drawings.

[infavorofnaturalselection]

From my son's days at Dollar Tree:

Do you sell milk and lunchmeat?

Certain dollar stores sell grocery items. So I could see someone who had shopped at one of them going to a Dollar Tree to ask if said items were also sold there.

[justZu]

Certain dollar stores sell grocery items. So I could see someone who had shopped at one of them going to a Dollar Tree to ask if said items were also sold there.

True, but how much lunch meat could someone buy for a dollar? They would probably need to sell it by the individual slice. Same with milk, I suppose they could get a little milk like is sold with a school lunch. My son and his co-workers just thought it was a weird thing to ask for.

[upsidedown_orchid]

In the dinner theatre box office:

"When you say a seat is central, what exactly do you mean by that?"
"What's a buffet (prounounced buff-it)?"
"Does this complete evening package include the dinner and the show?"

[Dave1982]

As I was leaving, somebody came up to me and asked, "Y'all play the violin?"

Nope.....I'm really a fraud who played back some pre-recorded songs while PRETENDING to play the violin. Here's your sign.



My "favorite" has got to be the people who walk into my store, look right towards the copy center, then look left towards the ink wall, then come to me and ask where the Copy Center or the Ink is.

[rvdammit]

"What's a buffet (prounounced buff-it)?"

A polishing cloth?

[infavorofnaturalselection]

In the dinner theatre box office:

"When you say a seat is central, what exactly do you mean by that?"

It's central to what is another matter entirely. So yes that is a logical question although it could be better phrased. Now if you had a map of the dining area with central marked among the seats then yes the question is dumb.

"What's a buffet (prounounced buff-it)?"

Did they later say they had never been to a more fancier restaurant when said restaurnt is a two-three star affair?

"Does this complete evening package include the dinner and the show?"

Of course the menu, periodicals did list what the complete evening package contained which was the diner and the show as well as several other things.

Maybe they are used to the dining expierence showcased in the movie "My Cousin Vinny" in which the diner had a menu listing the prices for Breakfast, Lunch, Diner but nothing else. No idea what breakfast would be. My dad actually ate at a diner that had that menu in Alabama many decades ago.

[B&NGoddess]

Customer: "Can I ask you a question?"

in the same vein, you would not believe how many people roll up and say "im looking for a book." or my personal favorite "do you know where the bathroom is?"

only once have i ever heard someone laugh at themselves for saying it.

and in response to the earlier question about where our books on ninjas are, i think i directed them to martial arts area. after i laughed in his face.

[GingerBiscuit]

Ok, I work in a health-food/vitamins shop. It is quite clear we are not a chemists, yet plenty of people ask chemist-related stuff.
'Can you fill prescriptions?'
No. No we can't. We are not allowed to sell prescription drugs.
'Do you sell aspirin/plasters/etc'
Ok, I can see the plasters. Not the aspirin, paracetemol or Viagra questions though. I usually respond with a polite smile and 'I'm afraid not, we sell herbal rememdies, vitamins, minerals and health foods. Could you perhaps try Boots the Chemist, just down the road?'
'Is this 'Shop X?'
Ususally asking if we're the shop we are, or one we aren't.
The perennial 'Do you work here?'
No, I wear this hideous, stain grabbing uniform and unpack boxes for kicks.

[infavorofnaturalselection]

Well when someone asks "do you know where the bathroom is?" they want to know where it is right now because they have to go right now.

"Bathroom?" is commode talk for where the heck is it? I have to go real bad and will lose control of the bowels if I don't find it soon.

As for the book yes someone should be more specific. Asking where the section is or help finding a book on whatever topic comes up.

[BookstoreEscapee]

or my personal favorite "do you know where the bathroom is?"

Oh dog I forgot about that one! I always wanted to say, "No, ya know, I've been here a year and they never showed me..."

As for "I'm looking for a book" - I have been known to grab a random book off the CS desk and hand it to them, but only if they looked like a good-natured sort...

[cupofthis]

C: Can I see a list of green teas?
ME:*I hand her a list of green teas
C: What kind of a tea is this? *Points at the list
ME:*blank stare* "It's a green tea" You know, the tea you asked to see, the tea that turns green What do you want me to say, lady?!
C: Well, I have never been here before. You don't have to be so rude to me! *throws the list at me and storms off*