Father Entitlement (creepy)

[Nakajo]

My coworker is in a similar situation: but she told him off. So now he is using ANY MEANS to get back at her. He called Social Services on her, left her and her mother threatening voice mails, he SERVED her with a lawsuit for a settlement of $3000 for gifts he (never) gave her!?! She finally got him for harassment, I'm going to court with her next month (i'm the cheering section).

Do yourself a favor NOW: Restraining order. It's hard to press and get for harassment, but a violated restraining order will come in your favor! RECORD EVERYTHING. Keep logs of when he visits. If he comes and asks for you when you're not there, have the person that witnesses him and the convo write down their account of the visit EVERY TIME. If there's an LP or a manager witnessing this, have them write accounts of the behavior witnessed by them when the guy visits. The more you have, the BETTER. Video helps a LOT, if you have security cams, if anything looks suspicious, ask your LP to pull it for pressing charges/court (if and when it happens). All of the information you collect MIGHT NOT hold up legally, but damn, it looks good when you have a detailed account of every time this man tries to get to you.

[iradney]

Are there cameras at your work? If so, it might be possible to ask the company to pull footage of all the times he's been there at your work place. Did you save his emails? Keep em.
AFAIK, most store cameras have a date and time stamp on them, so by showing how often he comes in, even when he doesn't buy anything, might help.

[BiscuitMunroe]

all I really have to say is "YAY! another lesbian on the board!!!!!!"

[kalishra]

Cas,

Repeat after me "It is not my fault." There was nothing you did to make him stalk you, you did not encourage him to stalk you. You did nothing wrong.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT

Take it from somebody who has been there, you need to take action NOW to stop it. I was stalked by somebody I knew back in college. My mom saw some of the emails he sent me when he got mad at me, and she took me to a woman's center. She had worked the weekend/night time hotlines, not as the person answering the phone, but as the person the operator called to go sit in the hospital with girls as they got rape kits done or to move a mother and her childern after the father figured out what hotel they were staying in. You may not think that it can happen to you, but I've heard a lot of stories that start the same way.

1) Get in contact with your managers and see if they are willing to have him banned. A store is private property and I know that around here it is called a No Trespassing Order. Why this is important? Because if he shows up in the store the police can throw him out, with full legal backing from the courts.

2) Go to a rape/abuse/crisis/woman's center. They've seen it all and they can talk you through how to file for a restraining order (or order of protection). The one I went to even got me a waiver so I didn't have to pay the filing fees. Why it is important to have a restraining order...? The police can't do much if you don't have a restraining order aside from telling him to stop it. If he does continue (or find your home address or other such thing) when you call the police and show them the restraining order they can handcuff him and haul him off to jail. Carry a copy of that piece of paper on you at all times. It is his anti-get-out-of-jail card. A piece of paper itself can't keep him from going after you, but it gives the police one more weapon they can use to help you, and it helps them.

3) See if any of your coworkers is willing to walk you out to your car when you are done at work. Carry pepperspray/a whistle or whatever makes you feel more safe. Borrow somebody else's car to go to work in. Make everybody at work aware of what's going on.

Shards has said that you don't have a 'prosecutable case.' You don't need to have a prosecutable case because you do not need to take it to court. Filing a restraining order is quite simple. All I did was take a blank sheet of paper and write down what happened in chronological order. What a judge wants to see is that you told him no, and that he continued, and that it is all part of a pattern. You can ignore more than half of what Shards says (unless you WANT to try to take him to court, and if he breaks a restraining order it will be the state (at least in my case) that would be taking him to court, not you on your dime). You only need to bring in your evidence if he askes for a hearing, and you have a whole store full of witnesses to help you.

Stop being a victom and kick him where it hurts, his reputation. My stalker never stopped until the judge told him in court to stop (he asked for a hearing and the judge came into the hearing and said "I'm giving her a restraining order, why are we here?"). During the hearing I was a mess, but my mom, aunt, ex boyfriend and the lady from the rape and abuse crisis center were there with me, and he had nobody on his side of the court aside from the baliff.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

If I had worked had a store that had more than one outlet, I would have asked for a transfer because of that guy.

I probably would've taken it to the police after the mail started, that way you have even more hard evidence.

[Seshat]

DO go to the police. DO get a paper trail of complaints with the police.
DO ask the other staff who helped you to write down the story as they experienced it (the police can help with that, and can help them make it an acceptable-in-a-court-of-law witness testimony).

If a cop wants to see it happen: GREAT! That will prevent it from being your word against his, and will completely shoot down the potential argument of 'all the witnesses are her friends'.

Add my voice to the chorus of 'it's not your fault'.

Also add my voice to the chorus of 'next time someone seems to be being creepy at you, be blunt and tell them you're not interested, in clear and unambiguous words'. And if being blunt doesn't make them go away, go to the police right away.

[RetailWorkhorse]

He's BACK?! I'll. Be. DOGGED.

Now I want to locate a voo-doo doll to send to ya. Uhm....I don't know any repelling charms (you'd think I'd have learned them by now) but if you want you can wear bells. It sounds odd, I know, but I wore them when I was working at DT and whenever the bells went silent a Co-worker (generally AM2 or SM) would come find me and save me from the pedos (so glad I moved, they can't find my skinny kiddie ass now!). You got team back-up, so get police back-up as well. Make good friends with a couple cops and have them keep an eye out for the Preacherman.

[Shards]

Gurndigarn, thanks for the notes. If anything else goes down, I'll do my post that way.

The paper trail will help -- as long as they were sure to get all of his information. He is one of those people that someone will easily say, fine, don't comply, just stfu and leave. I'd imagine they were smart enough to get it all though.

I am going to wait until Saturday to see if anything happens. I'll talk to my boss on Friday, and if anything, I'll just call the police if he shows up.

I would like to again repeat what I said in my first post. I drew it out and explained it in length before, so now I'll summarize.

1) As you have described it, this is hardly a prosecutable case. Due to the fact that a jury is selected from the populace, and that they cannot be refused on the basis of religion, you can only assume many people who want to give a man of god some slack will be deciding the case. However, if you can get the word of a police official who witnessed an event, or some similar hard evidence, it can become prosecutable. If you go to the police, although at the moment their hands are tied, they will be able to tell you how to get said hard evidence.
2) You will only have one shot at prosecution, so consult a legal professional about the solid nature, or lack thereof, of your case against this man before taking it to court. There's always time to get more evidence before the trial, limited only by a fairly generous statute of limitation, once you've taken your swing, you either hit or miss, do not be caught by double jeopardy.
3) Remember, the police want to help you. Their hands may be tied at this moment, but they will gladly assist you if you help untie them. Do not let yourself be convinced, by yourself or anyone else, that they will take his side because of your alternative lifestyle. (I understand that you don't seem to be the type to convince yourself of this, but it is surprisingly common for people to delude themselves in such a way if they are a member of a minority.)
4) If legal measures aren't taking hold yet, and he begins to get physical, you are legally within your rights to do whatever is necessary to defend yourself. This may include, but is not limited to: mace, groin shots, throat punches (Sounds stupid, but it is very efficient), and even the use of any weapon you happen to have on you at the time, assuming you have a legal right to carry it. (If you have exhausted all other options, using a knife or staff that you are legally permitted to own, or even shooting him with a gun you have a carry permit for, in self defense is legal, though it should always be a last resort.)
5) Do not let him make you feel responsible for this. Do not let him make you feel like the victim. Allow him to make you feel like a tactician in an army, you may be too frail to fight back, but if you take the right steps, there will always be a guy behind you who isn't, and who is acting perfectly within the law as he forcefully removes father E, or possibly puts him away for good.

[AngryCas]

Gurndigarn, thanks for the notes. If anything else goes down, I'll do my post that way.

The paper trail will help -- as long as they were sure to get all of his information. He is one of those people that someone will easily say, fine, don't comply, just stfu and leave. I'd imagine they were smart enough to get it all though.

I am going to wait until Saturday to see if anything happens. I'll talk to my boss on Friday, and if anything, I'll just call the police if he shows up.

[Gurndigarn]

I am getting the feeling this story hasn't quite ended. Also, I need advice -- is this enough grounds for me to call the police? I am afraid that I waited too long. That humiliated feeling is taking over again.

Police? Probably. It won't hurt to talk to them. But the store manager first: it may be possible to get him banned from the premises, or at least some sort of watch put on you/him. That large return might provide some ammuntion: he's going to do nothing but make paperwork for your store with little actual purchasing.

I added an update to the story. I'm not sure of the proper way to do this, so I just edited it into the original post.

Most people put in a new post with some sort of ***UPDATE*** notice on it.

[AngryCas]

Also, I realize your manager gave the priest the wrong day you worked, but at my store it's illegal to tell someone when someone is working..

I don't know if it was because she is new and didn't realize it, or because she simply forgot. It's a fine line for us -- we are allowed to give out our schedule to people, but others can't. It needs to be enforced more strictly, however, because certain employees will get different repeat customers, and it is not unusual to be requested to take someone's order.

[Blade_Raver]

AngryCas - I'll make Father E stop stalking you.. if I can stalk you.. just kidding!

Okay, seriously, if Father E keeps at ya.. just be blunt. There's a fine line between attempted conversion and pure harrassment.

Does he use Yahoo IM at all? If so, get his screen name and send it to me... I'll have a chat with him.

Blade_Raver

[Whyme]

I read your update. I'm horrified for you that he has shown up again.

I have no experience with this type of thing. All I can think of is giving the local police a heads up. If he comes back again, is there anyway your store would consider banning him? You shouldn't have to work under these conditions.

Also, I realize your manager gave the priest the wrong day you worked, but at my store it's illegal to tell someone when someone is working. I have had people call and say "Is H in? No? Can you tell me when they will be working again?" and I can't. I can get in trouble for telling the person when the employee will be in again. Perhaps from now on the employees/managers at your store can say "I can't give out that information.".

[BroSCFischer]

I added an update to the story. I'm not sure of the proper way to do this, so I just edited it into the original post.

-- Cas

I would definitely GO TO the police station, and talk with a police officer. Find out exactly what you can do to get this to STOP.

I find if you're live and in person you tend to get more results.

SC

[AngryCas]

WTF

I added an update to the story. I'm not sure of the proper way to do this, so I just edited it into the original post.

-- Cas