Father Entitlement (creepy)

[Ree]

You are most welcome.

Even if he's Orhtodox, he still has to abide by the laws of his church, and as far as I know, that includes celibacy.

Orthodox priests cannot marry once ordained, but they are allowed to be married prior to their ordination.

Hitting on young girls in stores is not on the list of allowed hobbies for priests, Orthodox or not.

[AngryCas]

Here's a listing of the dioceses in PA.
http://www.parishesonline.com/script...s/USMap.asp#PA

I believe, once you locate the correct diocese, you can click on the name of the bishop, and it opens up to an email link.

As for him ending up in PA, priests get moved around.

Sometimes, if there is a need, they will get moved from one diocese to another.

Maybe there's a history and they have been moving him around one step ahead of a legal complaint.

Does it make a difference if he is orthodox? I don't know much about the Catholic faith as far as that stuff goes, but I did find the correct diocese.

(by the way, THANK YOU)

[Ree]

I have googled his name, and he checks out. There aren't a lot of sources for his name, but there are sources saying that he is, in fact, a priest at the church he told me he was from.

Here's a listing of the dioceses in PA.
http://www.parishesonline.com/script...s/USMap.asp#PA

I believe, once you locate the correct diocese, you can click on the name of the bishop, and it opens up to an email link.

As for him ending up in PA, priests get moved around.

Sometimes, if there is a need, they will get moved from one diocese to another.

Maybe there's a history and they have been moving him around one step ahead of a legal complaint.

[AngryCas]

OK...first of all, does the guy really wear full vestments, (the colourful "chasuble" http://www.pddm.us/Chasubles.htm ) or just a long black cassock (the black robe, sometimes worn with a sash http://www.mckaychurchgoods.com/305.jpg )?

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If he's speaking with such a thick accent, perhaps he's an immigrant, and he's used to doing things a little different in his native country. I know that in some European countries, they are much more devout and stand more on the ceremony and pomp of the church.

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I would look in the phone book or google to find the name of the local diocese and report the guy to his bishop.

He doesn't wear the vestments, just the black robe. Sometimes, he wears regular clothing, but in most cases, it was the robe.

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He told me he was from Poland originally, but many many years ago he moved to Michigan. How he ended up in PA, I have no idea.

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I have googled his name, and he checks out. There aren't a lot of sources for his name, but there are sources saying that he is, in fact, a priest at the church he told me he was from.

[Ree]

OK...first of all, does the guy really wear full vestments, (the colourful "chasuble" http://www.pddm.us/Chasubles.htm ) or just a long black cassock (the black robe, sometimes worn with a sash http://www.mckaychurchgoods.com/305.jpg )?

If he's wearing the full vestments outside of the Mass, I highly doubt, as was suggested, that it's a power trip thing.
The vestments are meant to be worn by priests only during the celebration of the Mass or in the administration of their sacred duties.
It's basically the uniform of a priest "on duty".

If he's going around in full dress and behaving in a bizarre manner, then I really have to wonder if he's gone off the deep end a bit.

If he's speaking with such a thick accent, perhaps he's an immigrant, and he's used to doing things a little different in his native country. I know that in some European countries, they are much more devout and stand more on the ceremony and pomp of the church.

You are sure he's a Catholic priest, right?

I would look in the phone book or google to find the name of the local diocese and report the guy to his bishop.

He's a menace to himself, and to his church.

As a sex abuse survivor, I can only echo and underscore what has been said by others. It is not your fault.
He is the one with the problem.

[AngryCas]

Which says really horrible things about humanity.

I just read over everything you wrote, and I would like to thank you for your help. These are all things that will help me to make the correct decisions as of how to get things settled.

Thankfully, I kept record of a lot of things he has done in my blog, so all I have to do is go back, make them more formal, and save them. They are already dated.

I am going straight up the line now. I don't have any other options. I was going to go in to work tomorrow just to ask my GM for the number to corporate. I know if I do some searching, I could find it, but I almost think it would be more effective if he knew I was taking further action to the cause. Then again, I almost think I should blindside him with it, so he doesn't have time to plan out a a phony defense. So, I am still debating with that one.

I kind of want my father to call my GM for me, because he is so protective of me, and I know he would scare the shit out of the guy -- not with what he said, he doesn't threaten -- but he is a big guy, and he knows what to say (he's the guy everyone asks to go car shopping with them, so they don't get caught up in lies). The only problem with this is that, although I am young, I am legally considered an adult. But that option is available. I know my dad would take care of it, if it came down to it.

[Seshat]

I've just skimmed the original thread, and my apologies for not having spotted it if it happened, but has anyone told him to his face that they know he's interested in you, but that he had better stop it as you're not interested in him?

Heh. That's the one bit of my 'stalking and harassing advice kit' I missed. I really need to just write it somewhere and simply link to it every time this comes up - because it's one of the regularly repeated problems in CS.

Which says really horrible things about humanity.

Anyway. The summary of the kit:

* Make a log, from memory or any records you have, of their past behaviour. Then as each event occurs, update the log. Keep the log somewhere the stalker has no access to it, and keep it copied - a photocopy kept at home would be a good idea.

* IF there is any possibility that the stalker is actually innocent and doesn't realise he/she is being a serious problem, you may wish to start by telling him/her to stop, politely and discreetly.

Father Entitlement has, in my opinion, passed this point. Don't bother with this stage with FE.

* If he/she continues, or is clearly not innocent, tell him/her to stop, bluntly and with witnesses who are willing to record exactly what you said in an affidavit. Any policeman or social worker can help you make it a legally 'correct' affidavit, but a simple piece of paper, signed and dated, is usually plenty.
And when I say bluntly, I mean bluntly. "You are creeping me out, I'm not interested, GO AWAY!" is one good example. Be blunt, be rude, be totally unambiguous.
If your witnesses are willing to include what he/she said or did in response, that's great. But the key piece of information is a clear, unambiguous statement that their behaviour is not welcome.
Without some sort of witnessed or recorded evidence that you have told them to stop, the stalker can claim that he/she believed their attentions to be welcomed. At that point, the judge's hands are tied - it becomes 'he said/she said'.

However in the case of this thread, the fact that the OP has been clearly avoiding Father Entitlement and that the OP's management and co-workers have been assisting in this, gives the judge the opportunity to decide it's been obvious to a reasonable person that the OP doesn't want to talk to FE.

The blunt 'go away' with witnesses and affidavits would be a VERY good idea, however. Unless there're already people who are willing to state, under oath, that they've seen FE told to go away; I recommend the OP does this. It'll be difficult and painful, but unfortunately, it's important for the judge.



* If the stalker/harasser persists in their behaviour, go to authorities. In a workplace, the stalkee/harassee may prefer to follow the chain of management rather than go straight to the police. However, if your stalker/harasser is not a co-worker, OR if you feel in any physical danger, GO TO THE POLICE.

* If you're choosing to use management, go up the chain as high as you need to, to get action. Be persistent, and try to make sure you come across as the reasonable one. Stay calm, and be sure to show whoever you're complaining to the log of events with the 'go away/stop this' message highlighted.
Be reasonable in what you're asking. Ask them to make the behaviour stop, or if you don't feel safe or don't have faith that the stalker will stop, ask them to transfer the stalker elsewhere.
Do make the point that since you aren't the one doing the wrong thing, you feel that you shouldn't be punished. If you want to stay where you are, push for that. If you would be just as happy to transfer, go ahead and tell the company something like 'I'll make it easier for you - I'm happy to move to store X to get away from him/her'. Make it sound like you're trying to do the company a favour.
If you hit the top of your company and are still being harassed, go to your government workplace safety/fairness/whatever board, and/or the police.

* If you feel in any danger and the police aren't able to make you feel safe, go to a shelter. Even if you're a guy. There are male-accepting or males-only shelters in some cities. If these aren't available in your city, stay with a willing and helpful friend.

(If you're a guy and there are no male-accepting or males-only shelters in your area, consider starting one. The women's shelters can tell you what works for them and how theirs work. Some women's shelters are run by women who have themselves been traumatised and may overreact to a man - if you encounter those, just shrug and move on to a different one to get the advice you need. Their overreaction is nothing to do with you, it's the result of their own trauma.)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I am getting the feeling this story hasn't quite ended. Also, I need advice -- is this enough grounds for me to call the police? I am afraid that I waited too long. That humiliated feeling is taking over again.

Umm...yes? This guy is stalking you!

I would also say at the very least, Father Entitlement should be banned from the store. If it's a small enough shop where everybody knows him by what he looks like, they should be able to enforce it.

[Pagan]

And seriously, wearing his robes when he's nowhere near a church? I've met some nice, normal priests, and they wear sweaters and trousers outside of the church, not formal robes.

They might not necessarily by formal robes. It might have to do with what sect they are and what part of the country they're in. In Las Cruces, there was a Roman Catholic priest that always wore a long, black tunic and long, black cloak.

If I had worked had a store that had more than one outlet, I would have asked for a transfer because of that guy.

Why should Cas have to move??!! She's not the problem, Father E is! Plus, that wouldn't solve anything. He would either track her down or find someone else to start harassing.

[princess4life]

Cas,

I know everyone else has all said the same thing

Call the police!!! The police can't help you unless you tell them what is going on.

No matter what time of day it is when you walk to your car after work have a manager walk you to your car. If you notice him there when you are pulling into work call a manager and do not get out of your car. if you have to work late and it is going to be dark when you get off work park close to the doors and under a light.

If you can talk to management and see if they can set up a rule where no matter who it is if someone comes in and asks for you a manager talks to the guy first. This way you don't have to explain Father E. appearance to everyone and it give management a chance to tell him he is not wanted there.

[Slytovhand]

Hey Cas.. please don't be angry :P

My 2c...

AS others have said - it is NOT your fault. I got a creep when I was about 15, and he was a judo instructor. Once.. that's it... never went back (and nothing too horrendous). But, I also recognised that it had nothing to do with me - but completely absolutely and totally everything to do with him. Whic - if you think about it rationally - has to be the case. You can't make someone else think or feel something - only the individual has control over their own thoughts and feelings (even if they try to make someone else reponsible for them, they are in reality just choosing to go along with the other person...).

And, also as others have said - GO.TO.THE.POLICE! NOW!!!!! Not necessarily because of what he's done to you, nor for what might happen in the future. But his behaviour has indicated to me that this ...'person' for want of a better word... is 'used' to getting his way. And also, that he has gotten his way before. If you go to the police, you may find (or not) that his name is already in their database, and you just might get a bit more help from them than you thought.

While nothing 'bad' happens to him, he'll feel that he can continue doing that sort of thing.

As for his being a catholic priest... that would appear to be a social title - cos I'm pretty sure his god isn't going to let him in when he drops his body - maybe he should have that realisation smacked into his head??

But - to end....

BE Happy

Slyt

[Rapscallion]

I've just skimmed the original thread, and my apologies for not having spotted it if it happened, but has anyone told him to his face that they know he's interested in you, but that he had better stop it as you're not interested in him?

If possible, get someone to have this conversation with him where there are witnesses. Document everything, but he has to be told firmly that there is no reciprocal interest. After that, it pretty much becomes harassment.

Rapscallion

[thehippie777]

I am a Christian, but I dispise people who ask the "do you know Jesus" question...uh... I have been a Christian since I was 16. super. I have gay friends, I could care less. I have enough of my shit to worry about to bother other's about theirs'.

I find it odd that I get asked if I know Jesus. My new reply will be "well, I know Jesus...have for awhile. If YOU actually knew Jesus maybe you would know that." I have gotten this asked at work, and frankly, I am at work...I have things to do... I love God...blaa blaa BUT I don't have time to hear a guest rag on about their church & God's love...I tend to agree but they tend to go on & on...

I have had creepy guys that just don't get the hint...and of course I can't be rude. If they get strange, I tell them to please leave the desk area, however. That & I ask security to come hang out for a bit...creepy guys hate when other guys are around lol

I think that preist was uh...sick...in many ways... Sorry you had to go through that & good call on the lesbian topic...he might have thought it hot & we all know what annoyance that causes.

[PepperElf]

yes, a restraining order sounds good.

also your boss should ban him from the store, that way he can't come in and harass you there anymore. (including posting a description of the man in employee-only areas - or a photo if you have one - so that everyone knows the guy isn't allowed back in)

lastly... it sounds like maybe your boss knows what church Fr. E serves in. There's no reason why he can't contact the local bishop and tell him exactly what's happening. Each diocese has a bishop in charge of the entire area. I'm sure if the boss goes and tells the bishop, "Your priest, Fr. E is literally stalking one of my employees and hitting on her sexually."

It might be the best thing to do both... make sure he really stops and gets the help he needs.

[SportinGoods]

DO go to the police. DO get a paper trail of complaints with the police.
DO ask the other staff who helped you to write down the story as they experienced it (the police can help with that, and can help them make it an acceptable-in-a-court-of-law witness testimony).

If a cop wants to see it happen: GREAT! That will prevent it from being your word against his, and will completely shoot down the potential argument of 'all the witnesses are her friends'.

Add my voice to the chorus of 'it's not your fault'.

Also add my voice to the chorus of 'next time someone seems to be being creepy at you, be blunt and tell them you're not interested, in clear and unambiguous words'. And if being blunt doesn't make them go away, go to the police right away.

This thread has now reached 5 pages, but it's never too late to add my two sense either eh?

As someone who has dealt with creeps day in and day out, as someone who if lucky had my security guard there to protect me, (and the taser that he made me bring to work on his days off -.-) I will second Seshat's post. and reiterate that being blunt, and saying directly to him that you don't appreciate, welcome, or condone his behavior should be pretty damn effective.

If he is facing dementia, and is a little "off" then he wont remember being kicked in the nuts and you running the next time he lays hands on you. I strongly advise what others have, that if he continues, or shows up again go to HIS authorities. I'm sure that they would at least be willing to listen and do SOMETHING about it. It has nothing to do with your own religious affiliation, as a representative of the church he needs to abide by certain rules.

Edit: Spelling, not my greatest attribute.