I can FEEL my IQ dropping......

[Jadedcarguy]

What does cost have to do with it? The bakery I go to, they charge $1.50 for a loaf of organic bread, baked in a woodfire oven. Why would that not be real bread?

I was referring to the supermarket. Typically the cheap bread is crap. The bread you're referring to is clearly an exception.

[Alpha Strike]

I've always been frustrated by the following response when I'm manning the phones:

Me: Hi, this is Paul in X department at Y Company.

SC: Is this X department and/or Y Company?

I don't know that this is the DUMBEST question I've ever had but it instantly lowers my opinion of the person on the other end of the line. Of course these are typically the same people who have run into problems because they don't follow directions, don't read what's in front of them or don't pay attention to what they're being told. And it's usually an indicator of a long, frustrating call where I have to repeat things using a mono-syllabic vocabulary and/or break down my explanations into tiny, child-size chunks that even an unborn fetus could understand.

(I will mention that I've been told often I'm very good on the phones as far as imparting information in a concise and clear manner, and my co-workers often semi-joke how loud my voice can get just in the course of a regular conversation. So I feel pretty confident in knowing I'm saying things clearly the first time around.)

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Me: Hi, I'm calling to find out if I'm scheduled for an ultrasound tomorrow.
Idiot woman in my doctor's office when I was pregnant: I don't know, where you scheduled for one?
Me:
Me: Didn't I just ask you that?

I didn't really want to think the people I was depending on to take care of me and make sure everything was okay while I was pregnant were this abysmally stupid. This was not an isolated incident.

[tollbaby]

Any bread that costs less than $3 a loaf is a bread product. The same way squeeze cheese is a cheese product. Tastes vaguely like bread/cheese, but so not.

What does cost have to do with it? The bakery I go to, they charge $1.50 for a loaf of organic bread, baked in a woodfire oven. Why would that not be real bread?

[South Texan]

"I wonder if he is the REAL Superman."

I overheard that one from a woman in her thirties watching a bunch of actor types in superhero costumes signing autographs at an amusement park last year.

She honestly did not look to be mentally challenged - and she was not speaking to a child. Further, the guy in the blue tights and red cape costume looked nothing like actors Brandon Routh, Christopher Reeve, Tom Welling or even George Reeves. In fact, he was wearing a very obvious wig and muscle padding.

[Jadedcarguy]

You should see some of the disclaimers sellers on eBay put in their listings about shipping across the border. People on both sides seem to have difficulty grasping the concept that the US and Canada do not inter-operate seamlessly.

^-.-^

I sold some books on ebay. I put in the ad that it was US and Canada only, freight in the lower 48 was a fixed price, with freight to Canada, AK and HI being higher, naturally. You would not believe the emails I got! People in France wanting to know why I wouldn't sell to them, people in Canada wanting to know why I was "ripping them off", on and on. I have to wonder if this is their first time out in public.

[Andara Bledin]

I had one lady thrust a loaf of bread in my face. It was the bread that is in the bag with the multi-color spots.

I like to aver that I Wonder how they can call it Bread. Seriously, the stuff is nasty. And they'd lose money if it was sold by weight, 'cause it's mostly air.

"You mean if I call Canada, that would be considered an international long distance call?"

You should see some of the disclaimers sellers on eBay put in their listings about shipping across the border. People on both sides seem to have difficulty grasping the concept that the US and Canada do not inter-operate seamlessly.

^-.-^

[TryNotToBeThatOne]

I once walked up behind a clerk at a fabric store & asked if they sold buttonholes. Note: I used to work in a fabric store. And the clerk in question is married to one of my best friends. I was surprising her at work.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Do you work here?

Whilst said in full uniform with company name on front, rear and on (much to my suprise) my trousers.

While standing inside the info desk and once while standing behind the cashwrap.

I worked at a bookstore and every so often we would have morons come in and ask if we sold books. I would sometimes aswer "No, all the books on the shelves are just for show." but most times a co-worker would cover my mouth and tell them yes. (I was able to be snarky because we were a temporary store and were closing in a month. I loved knowing they couldn't fire me because they needed all the people they could get to pack up the store so said whatever I wanted without fear.)

I am jealous.

I've heard people ask if they can borrow books. It's a bookstore, not a library.

Do you have a copy machine?

"No, we try to actually sell the books."

Yes, I have seen someone say this. And get away with it. No, it wasn't me. She was a cute little college girl who looked and sounded younger and was planning to be an elementary school teacher. She said it so sweetly that the customer just laughed and walked away.

[worddork]

I worked at a bookstore and every so often we would have morons come in and ask if we sold books. I would sometimes aswer "No, all the books on the shelves are just for show." but most times a co-worker would cover my mouth and tell them yes. (I was able to be snarky because we were a temporary store and were closing in a month. I loved knowing they couldn't fire me because they needed all the people they could get to pack up the store so said whatever I wanted without fear.)

[Captain Trips]

Me: "Thank you for calling Technical Support, this is Trips speaking, may I have your name and centre number" Them: "Uh, is this Technical Support?" (Note: before they get to me, they get a phone menu with the option "Press 1 for Technical Support" and they've pressed "1" already.)

Worse -- I get this at least once a day.

Even worse -- at least once a day, once I confirm that it is indeed Tech Support, they come up with, "Well, I don't even know if I've reached the right department. You see, my computer's not working."

Is it any wonder when I get home I feel like going straight to bed? At 3 in the afternoon?

[smileyeagle1021]

I didn't ask you for the cube root of -27. I asked you who you WERE, oh idiot of indeterminate identity...
.

that's -3 btw...
and I get that every other call
me- reservation desk, this is smileyeagle speaking, may I ask with whom I'm speaking?
sc- i'm sorry, I'm not sure how to answer that

...umm, with your name would be appropriate...

[Arm]

I had this one a few days ago:

-get a trouble ticket, find the pertinent information, ignore the engrish writeup of the issue, make sure the phone number has the right number of digits, dial.

Other End: (picks up) "...." (nothing but silence)
Me: "Hi, this is Arm with the blahblah support team. Is this User Name?"
OE: "ummm.... what?"
Me: "Is this User Name?"
OE: "I... don't know?"


..... THAT SOUND was the sound of my brain IMPLODING.
I don't even remember how I ended the call.
In what rational world does that question result in that answer? That question has TWO ANSWERS. One answer is YES, the other answer is NO. Either answer is acceptable. Not knowing is not acceptable. I didn't ask you for the cube root of -27. I asked you who you WERE, oh idiot of indeterminate identity...

In the end, it turned out not to be my user, thank god. The level 1 folks botched the contact information as usual, and when I eventually did get my user, I asked about the phone number, and it didn't match any phone they'd ever had.

[earl colby pottinger]

Fun

Which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't then have an argument with the customer explaining that Canada is indeed a sovereign nation and not a part of the United States.

This person is in for a world of fun when they return from their next vacation without the proper ID.

[freaktard]

I just remembered this story from a long time ago, when I was still in housewares at Sears.

Me: Me
SG: Stupid Guy

SG: Do you sell PA systems here?

Me: Public address systems, you mean? No, I'm afraid we don't sell anything like that.

SG: Well, why is it so hard to find them? I've been to every store in this mall.

Me: Oh, you should try <big music store>. It's across the highway. I go there a lot, and I know they have a lot of PA systems to pick from.

SG: (looks confused) Isn't that...a music store?

Me: Yes.

SG: Why would a music store carry PA systems?

Me: Well, musicians frequently need them.

SG: (angrily) But this is for my church!

And here I experienced the fabled brain-shutting-down moment, stood there stupidly while I tried and failed to make his last statement make some kind of coherent sense. Finally, I said something like, "I'm sorry, I guess I can't help you, then." And he actually snarled at me! It was the only time I remember actually being snarled at.