One line wonders

[Seanette]

My husband reminded me of one from the coin shop. It was lost two hacks ago, so here it is again:

Coin shop guy: OK, we can ship that today. I'll just need your shipping address.

Cust [suddenly suspicious]: What do you need THAT for?

No. He never gave a shipping address.

And no. He never understood why they couldn't ship to him without it.

I honestly think this guy called my then-workplace, back in my shipping-company-tech-support days (another tech got this prize-winner, thank $DEITY).

[AFpheonix]

Male SC: What kind of doctor is a urologist?
Me:...uh....someone who takes care of your urinary tract and attached structures?
SC: Oh! Thanks!
Me:

BLond teeny bopper SC: soooo....how much will this be with my insurance?
Me: I'm not certain, but I can find out for you. Do you have your insurance card with you?
SC: what? you mean you don't KNOW what my insurance is?
Me: *blink blink* um, there are many many plans, all with different levels of service, and you are a brand new customer here. No, I don't know.

Me: I'm sorry sir, insurance won't pay for this medication. I can fax the doctor for you and see if he can convince insurance to pay for it, though.
Cranky SC: What do you mean? It has refills!

[Dips]

I'm grabbing this as a sig.

My husband reminded me of one from the coin shop. It was lost two hacks ago, so here it is again:

Coin shop guy: OK, we can ship that today. I'll just need your shipping address.

Cust [suddenly suspicious]: What do you need THAT for?

No. He never gave a shipping address.

And no. He never understood why they couldn't ship to him without it.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

SC: It says have I ever been convicted of a felony. Does it count if I'm charged with one?
Me: <blink blink>

In all fairness, there is a difference with being charged with one and being convicted of one. I've been charged with a misdemeanor, but had the charge dropped in court so I was never convicted. I know I don't have to put it on anything that asks about criminal records, but not everyone knows that.

Mongo

BTW: The charge was a violation of the crusing laws in my home town. If you drive past a certain point more than three times in a 30 minute period you're "cruising". In my case I was getting dinner groceries and forgot the milk and had to go back...past the cop. Thank god for time/date stamped recipts

[Seanette]

That made a bunch of brain cells run screaming out of my ears and hide. Now I have to spend the rest of my lunch break finding them and coaxing them back into my head.

I'm grabbing this as a sig.

[Tejas]

Me: I'm sorry, the office doesn't open until 8am pacific time.
SC: But its 9am already!
Me: ....ma'am, you're in New York.

i'm guilty of this one, but i had only been in the states 2 days when i almost this exact thing.

[Phone Jockey]

Customer: What is two times $1000?

***********************

Customer: Hi, what is your phone number?

[Mango]

Me: Good Evening, Such & Such Technologies
SC: Yeah, can I get a cab to blah blah.
Me: This isn't a cab company
SC: So I can't get a cab?

I would've said "Sure, it should be 15-20 minutes, sir."

Here's a few of mine:

SC: I need to get a flu shot and am wondering if I need to make an appointment or if I can just drop in?
Me: This is an accounting office.

Me: ...and this mattress requires a slat foundation for support. It costs $x.
SC: Does the frame have wheels?
Me: It's actually not a frame. It's a foundation. It looks like a mattress, really. It sits on your frame and supports your mattress - without it, the mattress would sag in the middle.
SC: Oh. It all sounds very confusing. Does the frame have wheels?

Customer 1: What do you think of these boxers, hon?
Customer 2: I dunno! I'd have to see them on you!
Me: I take it you're a couple?
Customer 2: [turns beet red as #1 and I grin at her]

SC: So the mattresses are shipped from Ottawa. Will the strike at the port affect that?
Me: Uh, no, since there isn't any actual water between here and Ottawa, the mattresses arrive on trucks.

SC: "Hi! Is she here?"
Me: "Is WHO here?"
SC: "You know...she!"
Me: [confused expression]

[Great Unknown]

"How much is a free cup of ice?"

...Um. First of all, they're not free. Second, you asked how much a free item costs. The contradictions made my head spin.

[Spiffy McMoron]

SC: So, so you know how much this part would cost at Ford?
Me: Um, no.

SC: Do I really need to know the make and model of my car for parts?

[CrazedClerk]

Mentioned this in an earlier thread:

SC: "Can you order me a replacement from Wal-Mart?"

(I don't work at Wal-Mart)

[BrassCowboy]

SC: You know, you really need to clean your store's bathroom.
Me: Uh...we don't HAVE a bathroom...

Repsac, you may wanna check your stores broom closet, garbage cans, or sadly, just the floor.

[Think Blue]

SC: (next to a production machine)Why does it smell like vitamins?
Me:

SC: Do you have stefy's new cd
Me:We make vitamins
SC:so you don't have it?
Me:No
SC:Well then transfer me to the warehouse
Me:It's not a warehouse music store

SC:Tell my pos husband that it's over
Me:Um... wrong number
SC: (says coworkers name)
Me:OH!

[Amalthea]

"So, you only cover children that were planned???!"

So, what I wanna know is, did he say anything at any point in the conversation about the baby being unplanned (then assuming you'd latched onto that one factoid and used it to deny coverage), OR did he think that you have amazing mind-reading powers?

[repsac]

SC: It says have I ever been convicted of a felony. Does it count if I'm charged with one?
Me: <blink blink>

SC: (standing in the lumber dept) It smells like wood in here.
Me: As opposed to what?

SC: You know, you really need to clean your store's bathroom.
Me: Uh...we don't HAVE a bathroom...